CelebNewsWire» Gavin Rossdale Archives – CelebNewsWire

CNW Junk Drawer: Humpotron

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:08:24 +0000

Justin Timberlake dry humps Jessica Biel on the Jumbotron. Way to rub it in, dickface. (The Blemish)
Gavin Rossdale allegedly had a 5 year affair with a dude. Everything Gwen, everything Gwen? I don’t think so. (Yeeeah!)
Bonebag Lindsay Lohan goes on Ellen to discuss the finer points of chowing box. (Hollywood Grind)
Helen Mirren + tight dress + cold air = grandma fetish. (IDLYITW)
It’s another Un-Funny or Die video! This time, Denise Richards talks about her funbags. But she means party favors! Not boobs! DO YOU GET IT????? (Daily Stab)
Want to hear Josh Hartnett talking about his loose stools? Your wish is TMZ’s command. (TMZ)
Celebrity nipple piercings. They will surprise and amaze! (Cityrag)
Ryan Seacrest says Britney Spears is pregnant again. And if Seacrest says it, you know it’s true. Like that time he told me that lace-up booties with a stacked heel would be hot for spring. (Allie Is Wired)
Evan Rachel Wood’s going to be on season 2 of True Blood. Just wait until she finds out there won’t be any actual blood. (CelebWarship)

Gwen Stefani's Kid Eats Diamonds. No, Wait. Gwen Stefani's Kid Eats from a Diamond Spoon.

Agent E. — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 17:28:25 +0000

What sort of cutlery does your baby eat from, you poor middle-America middle-class loser? A plastic fork/knife/spoon set from IKEA that has teething marks and dried up strained peas all over it? Well get a load of Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale: He only eats from a $4000 diamond-encrusted spoon. That baby is p-i-m-p-i-n'! Reports our favorite jeweler to the baby stars, FemaleFirst:

Gwen Stefani's two-month-old son eats with a $4,000 diamond encrusted spoon.

The No Doubt singer – who welcomed her second child with husband Gavin Rossdale, Zuma Nesta Rock, into the world in August – was thrilled when her former bandmates presented her with the impressive piece of cutlery.

A source said: "Gwen loves it. She would never buy it herself, but that is what makes it so special."

The specially-made sterling silver baby spoon was created by exclusive jewellers Chrome Hearts.

How do you think this makes poor Kingston feel? He likely only dined off of a silver-plated spoon from Tiffany's after he was weaned off the tit. Plated, people! That's not even pure silver! When Kingston turns fifteen he's likely to succumb to the dark forces of goth, start listening to nothing but Sisters of Mercy and Skinny Puppy, and when concerned acquaintances ask what has brought on such a dark phase in the young Rossdale's life, he'll mutter, "My stupid asshole parents wouldn't give me a diamond spoon. Zuma gets everything. Zuma, Zuma, Zuma. My life would have been so much better if one of those stupid diamonds came loose and he choked on it. Dumb brother." We hope Gwen and Gavin are starting a special "Kingston's therapy" savings account.

Gwen Stefani gets sexy at MrSkin.com.

Gwen Stefani Follows Trend; Makes Baby

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 17:50:46 +0000

Fallen Bush crooner/wearer of mesh shirts Gavin Rossdale inserted his penis into the secret cloaca located inside Gwen Stefani's hair hole, ejaculated, and fertilized a new life. Gwen took some time out from yodeling and feeding her curious herd of Asian slaves to confirm that she's thirteen weeks pregnant. A source says:

ìThey found out at Californiaís Cedars-Sinai hospital and couldnít wait to share the news with everyone.î

Back in October Gwen revealed she was keen to have more kids. She said: ìObviously Iím in a race to have another one but I donít want to do it while Iím out on tour.î

Well, congratulations, Gwen, you just crossed the finish line. The only drawback is that now that Alba/Halle/Maybe Angelina/Tori/McConaghey/David Spade/Nicole Kidman/everyone else is pregnant, it's totally uncool. The hip new thing with young Hollywood? Abortions! Hyde opened a high-class clinic in its VIP area, and all the cool kids are wearing their Chanel emerald-and-abortion pendants with their American Apparel shirts. Catch the wave!

Unto You a Really Attractive Child is Born

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 30 May 2006 17:55:47 +0000

The facially superior fruit of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's sex organs was birthed into this world on Saturday. We have to admit we're a little disappointed. We thought the world would feel . . . different, somehow. Brighter. Sexier.

Jolie-Pitt the Younger was born in Namibia on Saturday, May 27th–a fine day to be born, to be sure. It's a girl, and the couple bestowed upon her the questionable name of Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. "Shiloh" is said to be Hebrew for "messiah", while "Nouvel" is French for "new". Thus, "The New Messiah". If it's not enough that freaky creeps are already counting the days, Olsen twin style, until the baby hits legal ogling age, her parents had to go and proclaim her Junior Jesus. Oh well, at least she has the vaguely dumpy, unwieldy last name of "Jolie-Pitt", which we understand is French and American for "beautiful hole". And speaking of beautiful holes, Angelina reportedly delivered the baby via C-section so as to preserve her own. Well done!

Oh, and P.S. On Saturday, a pretty mate for Shiloh was created. Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale's baby was born, a son named Kingston James McGregor Rossdale. It's the first baby for Gwen and the first legitimate baby for Gavin. Mazel tov!

Ah, Angelina. Naked. At MrSkin.com.

If Brad's more your speed, mosey on over to MaleStars.com.

And MrSkin's got some Gwen for ye, too.

Love Angel Music Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 21 Dec 2005 17:54:22 +0000

Gwen Stefani is officially in the family way! Incredible! We had no idea drag queens could get pregnant.

US Weekly broke the story yesterday after the pregnancy was confirmed by Gwen’s mother, as well as her unemployed househusband Gavin Rossdale’s father. The Grammy-nominated singer will shoot the infant forth from her groin in June, allegedly. It will be the first child for Gwen, and the first legitimate child for Gavin.
Or, maybe it’s all a ruse. Maybe a member of her midget entourage got tragically, accidentally trapped under a malfunctioning corset during a routine wardrobe change and has been hiding, frightened and alone, curled up against Gwen’s abdomen ever since. After all, like Matt Damon’s wife before her, Gwen appears to just be “pregnant”.

“Pregnancy”. It’s the new “Exhaustion”.

Potatoes: The Gift That Says "I Love You"

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 17 Feb 2005 16:45:00 +0000

We've all received some lame presents for Valentine's Day (that pink satin teddy bear we got in the eighth grade being top on the list), but at least we're not Gwen Stefani. She got a couple sacks of potatoes.

Gwen's husband, Gavin Rossdale, explains: "There was a time I was writing a record in Ireland so I sent (Gwen) two sacks of potatoes–just something from where I was from, like I was thinking of her. But I think it kind of backfired because when they arrived they were from Oregon so I was a little unlucky. Bad idea . . . no one eats carbs these days." That's it, Gavin, blame poor dead Dr. Atkins for your crappy V-day present.

This year Gavin attempted to make up for his sucky gift-giving of yore by presenting Gwen with an antique heart necklace, but really we're surprised he lasted long enough to try to right his wrong. Gwen must be one devoted woman to put up with a husband who gives her sacks of potatoes and sires secret illegitimate children.

Love. Angel. Music. Baby Daddy.

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 03 Dec 2004 20:45:15 +0000

We all know that insecure singer Gwen Stefani had kittens after finding out that husband Gavin Rossdale sired a secret love child. But her blown gasket has now reached critical aneurysm status as Gav is possibly being sued for 15 years of back child support.

The frontman of '90s craprock mainstays Bush had a ìbrief relationshipî (aka ìdrunk sexî) with his pal, fashion designer Pearl Lowe, years ago. The result was daughter Daisy, recently proven to be Gavinís child through the miracle of DNA testing. Pearl is no dummyóher daughterís daddyís wife wipes her ass with hundred dollar bills, so legal proceedings to seek child support are in the works.

A source tells British newspaper Daily Mirror, "The situation is really messy with Pearl and Gavin refusing to talk. It's terrible and it's proving a real strain on Gwen . . . finding out her husband has a secret child is bad enough, but the prospect of a court case and accusations flying around is worse. The couple don't have any children of their own, so it's difficult for Gwen to deal with."

Stefani has made no bones about the fact that she, like Britney Spears, desperate to spawn, warbling about it in lyrics and interviews alike. Weíre wondering if Gwenís mommy fantasies were the catalyst for her new creepy, childlike, subservient, Japanese midget entourage?