CelebNewsWire» Fred Durst Archives – CelebNewsWire

Some People Got Married. And Some People Got Divorced.

Agent E. — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:01:21 +0000

The world demands equilibrium from its celebrities. A beloved starlet goes off to rehab? A younger, hotter, less-drugged-out (for now) starlet pops up in Us Weekly in her place. This law is why today we heard about two celebrity unions and two celebrity divorces. First up, Jaime Pressly did the sensible thing and married a lawyer. Because if Hollywood marriages are built on lies and deceit, you might as well nab someone with experience in those fields.

Jaime’s happy day was balanced out by the heartbreak of a lesser celebrity. Way lesser. Emmy Rossum is no longer a Sadie, Sadie, married lady. We’d love to give you details on this split, but we’re too confused trying to remember who Emmy Rossum is. When we first read the story, we thought, “Emma Roberts is getting divorced? Isn’t she like 15?” But no. Emmy is someone else. She might be in movies, we think. Or sing maybe? Although our best guess is that she’s actually grown-up Vicki the Robot who shows up on every red carpet and smiles a lot until she needs to be recharged. That seems the sensible answer.

Also wed this weekend was Claire Danes, who no longer has a very fancy fiance now that she’s married to Hugh Dancy. Do you think there was lots of fancy dancing at the ceremony? Or do you think Dancy was nervous and had antsies in his pantsies for the whole thing to be done with?

Also calling it quits were Fred Durst and some pretty lady, who were married for a whopping three months. Our guess is that it took Esther those three months to figure out the YouTubes and find the “Nookie” video. Either that, or he asked her to touch his balls and his ass.

The only question left is who will pay for the marriage of Khloe Kardashian? Everyone. Everyone will pay. Or at least everyone with a subscription to OK!

You know what’s more fun than touching Fred Drust’s balls and ass? Subscribing to CelebNewsWire’s RSS feed.

He Did It For the Nookie

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 17:47:06 +0000

Ladies, when you were little, did you imagine your wedding? A fluffy white princess dress, a 6-tiered cake with pink roses, a sparkling diamond on your finger? Yes? You probably also dreamed of your future husband. He would be strong, kind, intelligent, insightful. And prone to wearing red baseball caps and writing serious love songs gathered in a tender album called Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water. A woman named Esther Nazarov can relate. PopCrunch reports:

Limp Bizkit rocker Fred Durst married his longtime girlfriend Esther in a secret ceremony in Las Vegas this week.The 38-year-old made the announcement via Twitter on Friday.

ìCheers to the universe from me and my lovely wife Esther Durst! We are now one and complete. ),î

Who says romance is dead? A beautiful Tweet AND an emoticon? And that's not even getting into the wedding night, when Durst leans in and tenderly whispers to his blushing new bride: "touch my balls and my ass." Awwww!

Britney Spears: It's All Fred Durst's Fault

Agent E. — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 17:57:12 +0000

The world of celebrity hookups moves really fast. We're lucky if we know who they're schtupping this week, so it's really hard to remember their long, long lists of conquests past. (Does anyone remember Man Paris?) So forgive us if in the past six years we've completely forgotten that Fred Durst supposedly dipped his cookie into Britney Spears's nookie. That's (extremely disturbing) news to us. But now that Freddy is a "serious filmmaker" and has a new movie dropping any day now, of course he's talking about the most filmed pussy this side of Porn Valley. Reports MTV:

The story begins in 2003 when Spears tapped Durst to pen songs for her next album. The collaboration then allegedly turned into a romantic fling, with Durst telling fans in a statement that Spears "happens to be a person that I [wouldn't] have thought could make me feel this way."

In the resulting paparazzi firestorm that followed, the exact details of the relationship became muddled. On "TRL," Spears declared not only were they not dating, but that she barely knew the Bizkit frontman. Durst then took to the airwaves, telling Howard Stern that it was "unbelievable about this crap she's saying," and swearing on his child's "blue eyes" that he was telling the truth.

But the alleged Durst/Spears dalliance remains a curious sidenote in both artists' careers. So, six years later, what does Durst make of the situation?

"It just became a fiasco of madness," he told MTV News this week. "[But] I always stay true to my heart and true to everything I did and my intentions, and I am in no way a liar."

The confusion over the affair still remains with Durst, and the rocker points to the episode as one of the first in a long line of erratic episodes for Spears. "I look back on it as very interesting [in terms of] how things have been sort of unraveling for her since," he said. "[But] it is what it is. I can sleep at night knowing I made decisions that I wanted to make. [Still], I'm a supporter. I was then, I guess I am now.

Ah, so it finally comes out. It was all Fred Durst's fault! Here we thought we could blame it all on Federline (we still don't trust him, no matter how many times he takes his favorite children to Disneyland), but it was Durst. But really, give Durst a pair of manpris and plop a Vegas stripper in his lap, could you really tell the difference?

Jessica Simpson's "Ho" Down

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 05 May 2005 17:43:36 +0000

So we're a bit behind on the Jessica Simpson news. The lingering memory of Fred Durst’s O face made us slowly back away from the rumor that he and Mrs. Lachey were all over each other at a recent party. But now Simpson has moved on to bumping and grinding with totally unfamous people. Where’s the newsworthiness in that? Her PR flack needs to sit her down for a good how-to-get-publicity talking to.

While hubby Nick is off in Sweden or Switzerland or some such magical place where snow and bikinis meet, Jessica has been seen holding hands in the dark with Johnny Knoxville (oooh, racy!), feeling up Fred Durst (though no touching of the ass or balls was sighted), and now dancing on some unsuspecting bar patron in Vegas. A spy at the club claims that Jess “started dancing like a maniac, at one point grinding with some unknown pretty boy.” And of course this was after she gave the finger to someone seeking an autograph. At least this unknown paramour was said to be pretty, because Jessica seems to be on a slippery slope here. Nick and Johnny we could handle–but Fred Durst? You can’t get much lower than that. Even Christian Slater or Colin Farrell might be a step up at this point. Maybe Jessica should get Lindsay Lohan on the phone and start trading celeb contact info.

See Jessica Simpson’s Nude Review at MrSkin.com.

Durst Trades Nookie For Truth; Alienates Fans

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 18 Apr 2005 17:25:59 +0000

Listen, dudes, forget the musical mastery that is Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water. Screw that shit, man, that shit is wack. That shit is kid's stuff. That's in the past, and Limp Bizkit is going in a new direction. It's a Limp Bizkit for the 2K5. A mature Bizkit. A Bizkit that's been through the fire and come out on the other side a little wiser, a little older. Fred Durst has promised us that the new Limp Bizkit album is gonna be so raw and so "full of truth" that we're gonna have our assholes blown clean out, bro. Good thing we have asshole insurance.

I dunno, man, this sounds like it could be some next-level music, music that could bring an entire planet together. Like WYLD STALLYNS. The new Limp Bizkit album is called THE UNQUESTIONABLE TRUTH (PART 1). Fred "Touch My Balls and My Ass" Durst says that the platter is so laden with, uh, truth, that the world is gonna be alienated by the totally super major validity and factuality of it all.

"I love the truth," says Durst (OMG, we do too! LOL!). "That's what it's all about. No bells and whistles. No sugarcoating the truth. For some, it could be a bit too much to comprehend. Fuck 'em." Fucking us aside, we're just hoping that the album has some sort of kicky hit that spawns a nationwide dance craze called "The Reacharound". We dare to dream. And that's the truth.

Stiff Bizkit

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 28 Feb 2005 17:40:05 +0000

We know we've been a little slow in bringing you coverage of the whole Fred Durst sex tape debacle. The truth of the matter is that we learned about it Friday morning like the rest of the internet, but after viewing the offending clip, we became as shell-shocked as we were after our tour in 'Nam. We spent the entire weekend holed up in a basement closet, weeping, straddling a tenuous line between reality and some sort of unspeakable Durstian hell. After taking four baths in undiluated bleach, we're feeling a little better, and ready to bring you the dish.

The video was said to have been nabbed by the same imps that hijacked Hilton, although Durst's video was not on his Sidekick, but on his personal computer. Why any cute young girl would have unprotected intercourse with the likes of Fred Durst is beyond us, but that's exactly what the video depicts. The Limp Bizkit frontman is unapologetic about the whole mess, and told MTV.com: "Everyone, probably everyone in this building, has done something similar to what I did, and nobody cares about it. But if you're high-profile, or on someone's radar… then it matters. What happens to me happens to me, and I have to live with it and go on." A guy not feeling sorry for having sex with a good-looking girl on tape? Now we've heard everything!

Oh, yeah, the video. Listen, it ain't pretty. It involves Fred Durst. It involves Fred Durst's "oh face". It involves Fred Durst's peter. But if you really, really want to see it, okay then. But remember: you were warned.