You donít do nudity but instead employ body doubles. Whatís the process in selecting someone?

Elisha Cuthbert: Iíve only had to do it twice. To be honest, it was really quick and pretty basic. I saw three girls and chose one out of the three. It wasnít a long, drawn-out process. Itís not looking for someone [with] the perfect breasts. Nothing to do with that, really. I think itís trying to find someone that looks natural, someone that looks good.

You mean someone who acts natural in front of a camera or someone, yíknow, natural?

Elisha Cuthbert: You never see their face, right?

Sure, Elisha would seem like the best person to choose her own body double, since she knows what she looks like naked and the rest of us don't. But judging from this exchange, she doesn't put much heart into the choice. It's just sort of eenie-meenie-heinie-mo to her. What she should do is let someone else, someone deeply committed to movie nudity, see her naked and then choose the body double for her. And we're sure that, given the chance, we would choose an exact match for Elisha's boobs and butt. It would just be more authentic that way.

ï Elisha Cuthbert's hockey dude ex calls her "sloppy seconds". Do sloppy seconds bounce on ice? (Yeeeah!)

ï Jessica Alba's boobs like calamari! Wait, we mean Campari. (F-listed)

ï Helen Mirren goes snorkeling in a tankini. It's your move, Dame Judi. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Twilight vampire Ashley Greene just about gives you something to suck on (hint: A TIT!!!!!). (Thighs Wide Shut)

ï Eva Longoria is a smoker on the DL. Bet you anything those are Benson & Hedges 110s. (Celebitchy)

ï So Kate Moss and her unfrozen caveman boyfriend WEREN'T attacked by rogue Christmas ornaments after all. Cocaine is a hell of a drug. (The Superficial)

ï Lindsay Lohan got kicked off Facebook. That's what YOU get for not playing your Word Twist move, bitch. (Holy Moly)

ï Scout (dun DUN dun DUN) you'll be a woooomaaaaaann SOON. (Daily Stab)

ï Kristen Stewart will play Joan Jett in the new Runaways biopic. Will she be licking some ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry bombs? (Anything Hollywood)

ï Elisha Cuthbert stalks the sandy landscape in a bikini; cuddles muscular male; gets handsy with own buttocks. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon's wedding photos will be in People. And they talk about being "soul mates". Even though they've known each other for six weeks. (Celebitchy)

ï What mysterious pull do these Maddens have? Lindsay Lohan was busted trying to pick up Joel (that's Nicole Richie's Madden, not Paris Hilton's Madden) at a club the other night. There's not enough Maddens to go around. (Yeeeah!)

ï Angelina Jolie is reportedly going to have twin girls. They'll have their mother's looks and their father's . . . looks. They can't go wrong! (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Amy Winehouse is slowly devolving from soulful songstress to drunken party girl to crackhead to missing link to ape. Photographic evidence exists. (Holy Taco)

ï Uma Thurman's name begins with a "u". So does the word "upskirt". Aaaand that's the closest we cam come to a joke here. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï In other Lohan news, she's still stealing clothing from her friends. Because when girls' daddies don't love them, the fill up their hearts with pilfered fur. (The Blemish)

ï Blake Lively may play a high schooler on Gossip Girl, but that rack is alllll freshman year at a state U, baby. (Fatback)

ï Jessica Simpson must, she must, she must increase her bust. (Cityrag)

ï Post-birth, Halle has some Berry nice cleavage. We knew our childhood obsession with Strawberry Shortcake speak would come in handy some day! (Flisted)

ï Eva Longoria and her husband want to invite Posh and Becks over for a foursome. A foursome consisting of slow and sensual games of Cootie! and Mousetrap. (Female Foist)

ï Debbie Gibson got a restraining order against her stalker, who sounds like a real Electric Douche. Haw haw haw! (Celebitchy)

ï "Deer dairy. today i went down and used the terlet at the Cogo's on wilshur bulevard. i plum fergoted my pantys inside! then i pixed up a parperp pupozee parparotzy man and kissed on him. rainbows r pritty!!!!!111" Britney Spears has video diaries and they may be released, woo hoo! (Hollywire)

ï John Mayer's body is a wonderland. A wonderland of cliche tattoos like koi fish and waves and blooming flowers. (Cityrag)

ï Elisha Cuthbert puts down cigarette long enough to grab her own tit in Maxim. (F-listed)

ï Evan Rachel Wood's transformation into boyfriend Marilyn Manson is complete. Excellent. Release the bats! (CelebWarship)

ï Bret Michaels says that "My hair is combined of my hair and the finest extensions Europe has to offer." And all this time we thought it was Britney's castoff weaveage sewn onto a bandanna. (ONTD)

ï Pictures of Pete Doherty in jail. Hair product fashioned out of leftover butter pats. (Dlisted)

Paris Hilton and actress Elisha Cuthbert were "all over each other and making out" at New York's Tenjune club Tuesday night, a source tells Usmagazine.com.

"Who knew?" says the source of the unlikely pairing.

Hilton, 26, and Cuthbert, 25, didn't arrive at Tenjune together. Hilton was there for a birthday party and was seen dancing on banquets. "It's Paris," says the source. "She loves putting on a show."

Sexy mental images aside, we have grown weary of Paris's displays of desperate attention-whoring. We wish the only shows she would put on would be puppet shows. Though the sight of a tiny hand-controlled tiger doll with one lazy button eye humping a sock puppet riddled with holes and sweat stains probably wouldn't be a big hit with the kindergarten crowd. And athlete's foot doesn't exactly have the same glamor and attraction as the clap, but Paris puppet will take what it can get.

Elisha is Eluscious at MrSkin.com.

And Paris is naked there.

Find Elisha Cuthbert of 24 at MrSkin.com.

ChloÎ Sevigny. It's one of those names that's synonymous with nudity. She's really proud of those quirky and independent rutabagas of hers. She continues the trend in Sisters, a remake of the Brian De Palma film of the same name, in which Margot Kidder is . . . well, crazy. Shocker there. Jane Birkin offspring Lou Doillon takes over for Kidder but stays covered, leaving the funbag flashing to ChloÎ in the bathtub.

Our favorite movie screening at SXSW doesn't have much original nudity, but it does pay homage to the man who taught us everything we ever wanted to know about celebrity nudity, Mr. Skin. Our operative reports on Judd Apatow's follow-up to The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up:

In the film, Seth Rogen and his buddies are designing a new website to list and record all the female nude scenes captured on film. This is a running joke throughout the first hour of the movie, which we all couldn't help but die laughing from since I was doing the exact same thing in the theater. ("You almost never get opening credit bush.")

But the payoff comes when Rogen describes the scene to Paul Rudd, who casually replies "you mean like Mr. Skin?" The next shot of the film is a shot of the front page of MrSkin.com with the guys all pissed that someone beat them to the punch. ("Top 10 shower scenes? How come YOU didn't think of that?")

Some nudity is supplied in the form of clips of Denise Richards in Wild Things and the shower scene in Carrie (Hey, two Brian De Palma movies in one story! We're on a roll.), and Stormy Daniels and Nautica Thorn show off their bazooms as strippers. Katherine Heigl spends a good amount of time in her bra and panties, and when she's giving birth there's even a shot of an assumedly stunt vagina. That's not bad for a movie hoping to capture summer blockbuster status, but here's hoping that Apatow learned a little something from The 40-Year-Old Virgin: Keeping the nudity quotient low may help at the Cineplex, but DVDs have special features for three reasons. And those reasons are boobs, bush, and buns!

Can't afford a ticket to Austin? Find all the nudity you can shake your stick at at MrSkin.com. Why don't you start with ChloÎ Sevigny?

Paris is naked at MrSkin.com.

While Elisha is demurely sexy.

I wouldn't cancel out a nude scene but, right now, with my life and my career, I don't feel the need to do that. I don't feel it's necessary. I've been doing fine finding roles that don't need to have full-frontal nudity in them. There have been points where we've had to use body doubles, and, obviously, as I get older, the roles get more mature. I never shy away from saying, "OK guys, we can do this; let's just use a double." I feel I give a lot to the public and there's a few things in my life right now that I'd like to keep to myself – my breasts being one of them.

Gee, we think maybe we've heard that somewhere before. It looks to us that the lady doth protest too much. The amount of time an actress spends talking about not taking her clothes off is an inverse proportion to her career longevity. So by about age thirty Elisha will be distant memory, like pet rocks, and she'll be begging to play Topless Girl or Naked Stripper in the next Dakota Fanning softcore rape-and-bondage flick.

If you've been paying attention you know that Elisha is not naked at MrSkin.com. But she still looks hot.