Mischa Barton has reportedly been ordered to put on weight or face losing her role in a new U.S. TV show.

The former O.C. actress has agreed to play the part of a supermodel in CW network's upcoming drama pilot A Beautiful Life.

But Barton has been told to pile on the pounds by bosses who are worried her skinny frame will set a bad example to young viewers, according to U.K. newspaper The Daily Express.

A source says, "The producers are very mindful that their target audience is teenage girls so it's important to not send out the wrong message. Mischa has the part on condition she does not lose weight – they want her to put weight on if she can."

Uh, what? Since when did "You're too skinny to be a model" become a sentence that could be said anywhere on planet Earth with a straight face? What's next? "Your boobs are too big to be a porn star"?

Alex Haines tells how the singer smoked CRACK for BREAKFAST from pipes she made out of drinks bottles as she blew £3,500 a week on drugs in her darkest hours. She was so desperate for every last bit she even frantically scraped the residue out with a SCREWDRIVER so it wouldnít be wasted.

He also reveals how the once painfully thin diva was a secret BULIMICóliving on McDonalds and up to 10 Crunchie bars at a time. She even used HIS TOOTHBRUSH to make herself THROW UP afterwards.

And Alex, her former personal assistant, details their marathon romps while hubby Blake Fielder Civil was inside. He says: ìIt was like having my own little porn star. Amy was so dirtyóshe wanted sex all the time. We did it four or five times a day and sheíd even wake me up for it. She was addicted to sex like she was to drugs.î

Alex recalls: ìAt one party Amy wanted to prove she was used to cocaine. So she did a line that was 20 CENTIMETRES LONG to show she was a big user.

That doesn't really rival the "Ozzy Osbourne snorted ants" story from the beloved classic Motley Crue: Behind the Music, but it's a nice effort nonetheless. Though we can't really picture Ozzy being described as "my own little porn star" or barfing up McRibs with a Reach, so advantage: Winehouse, we guess.

Michael Jackson is said to be living on a diet of gravy, painkillers and biscuits.

The cash-strapped star – who settled a £4.7 million court case against Sheikh Abdulla Al-Khalifa at the weekend – is apparently surviving on the bizarre diet after his spending habits spiralled out of control.

Jackson's financial woes are said to be a result of him blowing £1 billion on luxuries such as a Ferrari car and the entire stock from antiques shops and comic book stores he has visited.

Sources close to the 'Thriller' singer say he is a "millionaire who lives like a billionaire".

However, the 50-year-old's family lawyer Brian Oxman insists the star is in excellent health and is not struggling financially.

He said: "Michael is in excellent financial shape. We should all be so fortunate to have his problems.

"He lives a pretty simple lifestyle these days. The extravagances are in the past. He is very low-key, but he is happy and doing well."

Most celebrity diets don't appeal to us. Billy Bob Thornton's insistence on only consuming orange food? Amusing, but not overly delicious. Carrots and sweet potatoes can get pretty boring. But biscuits and gravy? Yum. Truckers have been living on that diet for decades, and they're all dead sexy, right? Maybe MJ should start taking cues from truck drivers for all his decisions. Becoming a frequent caller to the Rush Limbaugh show, showering at Petro, picking up lot lizards. That last one would probably do him some good, actually.

After months of stress and turmoil, a weary, frustrated Brad Pitt has put his foot down and has forced Angelina Jolie to get professional help.

In the Oct. 13 issue of Star we report that almost three months after the birth of her twins, Angie is still in a deep funk ó and Brad is so determined to get her back to her old self that he put her in therapy to get her to eat, get out of the house and put an end to her intense mood swings.

"Angelina didn't want to accept the fact that she was struggling after the twins were born and was really resistant to Brad's pleas for her to get help," an insider tells Star. "But she finally agreed."

While still in France at Ch‚teau Miraval, Angie started seeing the doctor ó who Brad found in Paris ó for daily power sessions, says another source. Now that they've moved to Berlin she's continued their sessions via phone and webcam.

So what kinds of things is Angie working out? For one, the mother of six has been unhappy with her body since the July 12 birth of Knox and Vivienne, sources say, and has hardly been eating. "She still thinks she's fat," says a source. "She barely touches the food that is brought to her. After a few bites she'll say, 'Take it away; I'm not hungry.' Brad is trying to get her to eat more, but she has no appetite.

We can only assume that it was the good doctor's idea to continue therapy via webcam. "Oh no no, Meez Jolie! Ze telephone would seemply not work. Eet must be webcam, no? Eet ees . . . eet ees ze best thing for your recovery. So I can see your progress, oui? And ze best way to measure zat would be you wearing a brassiere. And a G-string made from pearls. And lots of body oil. And eating a banana. And would eet keel you to lick your lips more?"

Cheer up, Angie. You look great nude at MrSkin.com.

"When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crackhead with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to be you. And it never was me. I was never under a bridge, and I always had shoes."

"I've never gone a day without putting food in my mouth. I've never sewn my mouth shut. I've never gone on a liquid diet. So I want to know why I'm the face for a problem."

We're into this. Nicole did heroin and was arrested for it, but since her feet were clad and her mail wasn't delivered to an underpass, it was not a problem. Furthermore, she absolutely does not have any sort of issues with eating or weight, since every day she lays some sort of edible item inside of her mouth (chewing and swallowing are totally different!), has not yet taken a needle or thread to her mouth (duct tape is chill), and not solely ingested liquids. Man, someone should scour Craigslist for an opening for a Master Logicist because Nicole's got this shit in the bag!

Itchy for Richie? Get thee to MrSkin.com.

My fellow Americans its that time of year To celebrate our country by drinking massive amounts of beer Letís stand together as one, live the American dream Take shots, pass out, & wake up with our pants ripped open at the seems Letís glorify this day in your sluttiest tops and your tightest pair of tsubi jeans Even though we have no fucking clue what Memorial Day really means!!

Mashas House
Sunday May 28th, at 2pm
XXXXX Crest Court
Beverly Hills, Ca 90210

There will be a scale at the front door. No girls over 100 pounds allowed in. Start starving yourself now. See you all then!!!

Please make sure to RSVP as this is a large party and we need to keep track of whoís coming.

Thanks

You may think that Nicole was only joking, but we heard that poor, sad Paris Hilton showed up, hoping to get her mind off her upcoming relocation with a case of Sparks and after the scale showed she weighed in at a beefy 109 was made to step into the "body sculpting lounge," a.k.a. Mischa's guest bathroom, where an emergency liposuction was performed on Paris's ass goiter to help her reach the maximum weight requirement.

Nicole's bones will give you a bone at MrSkin.com.

Don't think too hard. Just look at pretty Nicole pics at MrSkin.com.

Insiders say Nicole has been using Adderall – a prescription drug normally used to treat Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and is a powerful appetite suppressant. ìShe loves Adderall because she stays awake, and it makes her not want to eat,î says a close pal. ìAnd she takes it even more when sheís filming.î

Although her rep denies that she uses the drug, a pal says Nicoleís actually increased her dosage: ìSheís taking more and more lately.î

We're really looking forward to Nicole's excuse when she gets caught sucking on her little orange vial. "Uh, this is Adderall. My doctor told me it would adder all my weight back. This is me making a proactive decision to take care of my personal health. So don't judge me, bitch!"


See Nicole with some meat on her at MrSkin.com.