CelebNewsWire» Diana Ross Archives – CelebNewsWire

CNW Junk Drawer: "Animal"

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 17:28:48 +0000

ï Diana Ross would like to give singing lessons to Mariah Carey and Christina Aguilera. We can only imagine how that would go. "No, honey, more nasal! I said MORE nasal! That's too classically perfect and on-pitch, girl; could you maybe get a slightly whinier tone there?"

ï James Brown died last week, and his wife, Rae Hynie, was immediately locked out of their home, as she's apparently not his "legal" wife. Funny story, but you know what's funnier? The name "Hynie". What's funnier than that? "Hynie-Brown".

ï Kim Kardashian might have a sex tape. With Brandy's brother. Who calls himself "Ray-J Jawn". Talentless rich girl engaged in coitus on video with no-name dude attached to penis? Sounds like a recipe for superstardom!

ï You will look at these pictures of Jessica Biel forming the camel toe in a bikini, and you will want to have sexual intercourse with her, but she would pick you up and smash you against her forehead and toss you, crumpled flat, in a pile.

ï Paris Hilton calls Britney "Animal". Not because of her penchant for partying, but because of her red fur, proficiency at drumming, and tendency to shout "WO-MAN!"

ï Pamela Anderson dresses up as Santa for the holidays. If Santa were a woman with staggeringly overstuffed fake breasts and flashed, panty-clad crotch. Which, we hear, is how he's usually depicted in traditional Norwegian folklore.

ï Adam Brody muses on Bilson, Barton; gets munchies.

ï Kylie Minogue. She sure does like to fuck.

ï Mr. Skin raps to the Sun-Times about Salma Hayek's cans and Ali Larter's thong.

ï Goddammit, Tara, you told us that you fixed that crap!

ï Eva Longoria says that fame is like a hurricane. And that she'd like to maybe experience it someday, God willing. Hee hee hee hee hee.

ï Christina Aguilera bought a shit ton of baby junk for Puffy Diddo's newly-minted twin girls. Hopefully included amongst the gifts were a couple of new names.

Diana Ross's Son Is Lindsay Lohan's Baby Love

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 03 Nov 2006 17:54:27 +0000

Lindsay Lohan has a new boyfriend. He is the son of Diana Ross. Thus continues Lindsay's neverending habit of making very very bad decisions–the possibilty of having Diana Ross become your mother-in-law is barely a half a step above marrying into the Collins or Gabor families.

Looks like the only pink taco that Harry Morton will be entering now is his own restaurant. Lindsay has finally gotten over her shattered heart (what'd that take, like, three weeks?) and has firmly attached her fiery crotch to a new man like a barnacle to a pier. The new man in question is the 18-year-old son of Miss Diana Ross and shipping tycoon Arne Naess. The National Enquirer and a mysterious source say:

ìLindsay absolutely adores Evan. Theyíre keeping the relationship quiet and wonít show up or leave a club or event together.î The source added that Lindsay also reportedly likes being the older woman: ìLindsayís loving that, for the first time, sheís the experienced one in this relationship.î

Yeeeah, um, Lindsay has trysted with enough people to rival the total population of towns in Wyoming. We're pretty positive that she'd even be considered the "experienced one" in a relationship with Gene Simmons.

Lap up more Lohan at MrSkin.com.

This Week in Celebrity Couplings: Who's Porking Who

Agent E. — Thu, 17 Nov 2005 17:38:48 +0000

There's a chill in the air and the holidays are nearly upon us, so naturally celebrities are pairing off and trying to keep warm with marathon humping sessions. Hey, it's more practical than padding their bodies with a healthy layer of fat for insulation and risk landing only roles as the perpetually single friend of the slim and sexy star. We've got engagements between Nicole Kidman and a non-Kenny Chesney country star and Kimberly Stewart and some dude from some MTV show that our fourteen-year-old cousin really likes, Leonardo DiCaprio filling his Gisele void with some saggy Kirsten Dunst tit, and oh so much more.

First up, the second Mrs. Beard Cruise, Nicole Kidman. She reportedly has been dating country singer Keith Urban for quite some time now, but she was recently seen wearing a big shiny rock on that all-important finger while shopping in Boston. A marriage between a bobble-headed, overly squinty, paler-than-Casper actress and a short, fashionable country singer that no one outside of the Wal-Mart automotive department has ever heard of? We would be skeptical, but given Kidman's extensive experience in holding together a sham marriage, we give it at least four years.
A union that we do not have such faith in is that between Kimberly Stewart and Talan Torriero from Laguna Beach. We are not fifteen, so we have never seen said program on the moving-picture box, but our feeble minds have been inundated with images of Kimberly Stewart and her ability to out-slut and under-dress even Paris Hilton. The pair have been dating for less than a week and already know they would love to share upwards of three months in wedded bliss before Kimberly meets some dude with a bed in the back of his van and a camcorder on a tripod that he will use to make her a star, baby.
We were briefly saddened by the break-up of Leonardo DiCaprio and Gisele Bundchen, but we thought the uncoupling would only be momentary and they would be back together in time for her to silently stand by his side at the opening of his next film. It looks like our hopes may be shattered, as Leo was seen making out with Kirsten Dunst at L.A. hotspot Privilege recently. We could not be more against this union if they announced their plans to start adopting orphaned African babies to man the machines in their puppy-euthanizing factory. It is just wrong. A witness to the make-out atrocity said, "You could feel the chemistry between the two. It looked hard for them to take their eyes off one another." Kirsten must have learned some voodoo from Fergie that enables you to get a man who is obviously about eight leagues ahead of you to think that you're the reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe. That's the only way to explain it.
We skipped over this story the other day because it frightened and confused us, but apparently Diana Ross and Jon Voight are deeply in love. They were set up on a date by Motown founder Barry Gordy and have been inseparable ever since. He's even been approved by her kids. We find this sweet, actually. Voight has had to suffer the indignance of starring in films opposite Dawson and Jenny from the Block, and Ross has recently become the senior set's Tara Reid, so maybe finding love will straighten these kids out.
And we know you've been wondering who Pamela Anderson has been letting in her cabbage patch lately. Kid Rock? Tommy Lee? Stephen Dorff? Wrong on all three counts. Pammy's been sharing her ladybits with America's biggest tool, Mark McGrath. Things could only be worse if she were dating Fred Durst. Or maybe Carson Daly. But at least Page Six was able to zing Mr. Sugar Ray: "The two spent the weekend at Anderson's Malibu home, leaving only to go food shopping. But don't expect this to last too long: We hear McGrath doesn't hold a candle to legendarily endowed Lee." Hahahahahahaha. Sugar Ray has a tiny piece of cane. He's going to need one of Enrique Iglesias's tiny peener covers.
And speaking of Tommy Lee, he seems to be the only celeb not getting any action lately. Lloyd Grove reports that during a recent DJ gig Lee stiffed the waitresses who were attending to him and serving him free drinks all night. When one of the waitresses confronted one of Tommy's flack, he invited her back to Lee's limo to "light up a spliff" and collect her tip. The woman declined and never received her tip. Boy, how the Stolen Honeymooners have fallen. One's boinking the tiny-torpedo'd host of Extra and the other can't even slip a stiffy to a stiffed waitress.

Nicole's nips and other bits at MrSkin.com.

Kirsten's droopers at MrSkin.com.

Is Diana Ross naked at MrSkin.com? You bet your ass.

But not as naked as Pam.

And go to MaleStars.com for the best in Leo, Jon, Mark, and Tommy.

Diana Puts the Kibosh on Cosmetics Deal

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 03 Jan 2005 17:07:30 +0000

MAC Cosmetics must have a thing for boozy, past-their-prime songbird spokeswomen. Not content with just having the Liza Minnelli Collection, they tried to rope Diana Ross into a similar deal. Who were the ad wizards who came up with that one? Oh yeah, gay dudes.

That nutty, tempestuous Miss Ross, however, has decided to pull out of the deal, stating that she "hates" the names of the colors picked out for her collection. Love Child Lavender, anyone? DUI Mauve?

MAC is apparently refusing to accept Ross's decision, stating "We are launching worldwide with products and photos." Ross's management offerered no comment.