CNW Junk Drawer: Porthart, We Hardly Knew Ye

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 18:01:42 +0000

ï Natalie Portman and Devendra Banhart break up. Perhaps she woke up and realized, "I'm Natalie Portman. He's a hirsute twee gypsy who sings like a lamb with a barbed dildo up its butthole." (Celebrity Wonder)

ï Right now, Brad and Angelina's adopted kids are looking around their filthy French chateau and thinking, "Screw this, man, there were fewer flies back in Ethiopia, man." (CelebWarship)

ï Kirk Cameron will NOT kiss any woman other than his wife onscreen; WILL star in a sitcom in which his best friend is called "Boner". (Holy Taco)

ï Susan Sarandon enjoyed beating the shit out of daughter Eva Amurri. For a movie! For a movie! (Daily Stab)

ï Dear Kim Kardashian: God would not have dealt you that colossal can and made you mambo on Dancing with the Stars if He didn't want you to shake it like a bottle of salad dressing. Wake up, Kim! Look alive! (F-listed)

ï The Girls Next Door: the truth comes out. You mean three large-breasted blondes in their twenties AREN'T banging an octogenarian? (Pop on the Pop)

ï Leighton Meester admits she was born in the slammer. (The Hollywood Gossip)

ï Top 5 Network TV Nude Scenes! (Mr. Skin)

ï It was mystical, magical water, and not a penis, that got Nicole Kidman pregnant. (The Blemish)

Vegan Love

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 17:45:48 +0000

In recent celebrity hookup news, Ryan Gosling is kicking it to Kirsten Dunst, Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have taken it to the next level with a meet-the-parents visit, and Natalie Portman is inexplicably dating furry, painfully precious neo-hippie singer Devendra Banhart. The two have been spotted together more often than not recently, and the paps snapped these pictures of the pair strolling through the park yesterday. Seeing how Banhart was allegedly hooking up with Lindsay Lohan last year, the pairing isn’t all that odd. The weird part is seeing this twee, “what is a television?” folkie weirdo drinking something as base and common as chain store coffee. We’d picture him as a strictly unicorn-milk-out-of-a-lotus-blossom kind of guy.

And for added vomitous cutesiness, a particularly vomitous selection from Banhart’s ouevre:

UPDATE: Further awesomeness: that dog pissed on Portman.

Nat gets naked! Check her out at MrSkin.com.

CelebNewsWire» Devendra Banhart Archives – CelebNewsWire

CNW Junk Drawer: Porthart, We Hardly Knew Ye

Vegan Love