CelebNewsWire» Deryck Whibley Archives – CelebNewsWire

Why’d Ya Have to Go and Make Things So Separated

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 16:01:47 +0000

He was a boi. She was a girl. Then they got divorced. Could I make it any more obvious? After months of speculation, plucky towheaded Canadian Avril Lavigne has put the kibosh on her marriage to Sum 41 singer/main gnome Deryck Whibley. Us Weekly reports:

After three years of marriage, Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley have split.

“She dumped him and told him she was leaving him. She wants to move on,” a source tells the new Us Weekly adding that Lavigne, 25, forced him out of their $9.5 million, 12,000-square-foot estate in L.A.’s Bel Air. ”Divorce papers will be filed any day now.

Whibley, 29, “is crushed,” adds another insider.

And now we brace for the upcoming division of assets. Who will retain custody of Deryck’s superfluous consonants? Stay tuned.

Avril Lavigne's Husband Earns Keep with Hearty Public Breast Massage

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 17:59:48 +0000

Here we see Avril Lavigne picnicking in the park with her trusty gnome, Nibbles. Not only does Nibbles cobble shoes, make mischief in a glen, and play in the Canadian pop-punk band Sum 41, he is also employed to keep his mistress Avril happy and relaxed. He does this through the art of gnome massage, doffing his traditional gnome dress of pointed hat and curled-toe shoes in order to better rub his hands all over Avril's boobs. Later, he moves the massage therapy to her butt and buries his pugilistic gnome nose into her bosom. Ah, a tender moment between a girl and her gnome. Not pictured but implied: gnome-to-human sex amongst the toadstools.

(pics via Drunken Stepfather)

Avril says yes to crack at MrSkin.com.

Magical Preg Juice Spreads from Hollywood to Canada

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 17:42:31 +0000

According to celebrity Canadian blog (there are Canadian celebrities? Besides Rick Moranis, we mean) Is This Happening, ill-tempered Canuck singer Avril Lavigne is expecting a little sk8r boi or grrl:

Wow!! Must be that time of the year for babies!! Isthishappening.com has learned exclusively that Canadian singer, Avril Lavigne is pregnant!! You heard it here first folks!! Our insider reports that Avril is a month and a half pregnant and that her husband, Deryck Whibley has been telling all his friends that he's excited to be a father…

Excellent. Since Christina Aguilera is due to give birth to a half human/half monkey man hybrid shortly, her offspring will be in dire need of a half human-half troll man playmate. They can live together under a bridge and wait for the Billy Goats Gruff to trip-trap overhead, then they will eat bananas and climb to the top of the Empire State Building.

I Now Pronounce You Man and Teeth–I Mean Wife

Agent E. — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 23:42:14 +0000

Hi bois and grrrls. I don’t know if you heard, but I got married this weekend. Yea me! That means I’m totally not a little girl anymore. Everyone has to treat me like an old married lady. But I still wanted to look young and fresh and pretty for my big day, so I borrowed these teeth from Hilary Duff. I hope you like them.
Kisses,
Avril

Avril says yes to crack at MrSkin.com.