ï Larry Birkhead thinks Dannielynn has her mom's pouty lips, long legs and chubby toes. Jury's out on who she takes after in the implant and veneer department, though. (I'm Not Obsessed)

ï Britney stormed out of a photo shoot in a huff, never to return. Turns out they only had honey BBQ pretzel bites, not the buffalo ranch. (Daily Stab)

ï German magician attempts to make Pam Anderson's breast ooze its way out of her bathing suit. (Hollywood Tuna)

ï You know David Hasselhoff's ex-wife must be insanely f'ed up, because he got sole custody of the kids. Yaaaay, it's cheeseburger night! (Star Herpes)

ï An odd fashion choice, even for Ashley Olsen. Perhaps she has joined a harem and is planning on seducing the sheik with her mysterious, semi-sheer, snakelike undulations. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï How Jessica Simpson lost the baby Mayer weight. (IMDb.com)

ï Here are some surprisingly hot pictures of Lindsay Lohan taken by Bryan Adams. Because when you want to sex up your image, where else to turn than a pockmarked Canadian adult contemporary artist? It makes perfect sense. (Egotastic!)

ï Brooke Hogan performs in frayed denim chaps. We haven't seen such creative scissors-meet-fabric self-styling since Billy's Squier's "Rock Me Tonite" video! (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Nicole Richie pregnant. Yeah, rite. (Female First)

ï Jennifer Aniston gets back at Brad for shacking up with Hollywood's most beautiful woman with the only possible revenge: dating a model. (Hollyscoop)

ï Criss Angel dedicates a magic trick to new girlfriend Cameron Diaz. Uhhh, we think that sort of romance only works with musicians dedicating songs. Then again, who knows, maybe there are dentists out there saying, "This root canal goes out to my boo, Debbie. I love you, babygirl." (Celebitchy)

ï Christina Aguilera and her husband. They sure do like costumes. (Hollywood Tuna)

ï Elle MacPherson: She's still got it! And by "it" we mean "nipples". (Taxi Driver)

ï Dawn Wiener's sweater puppies in Hostel 2. (Don't Link This)

ï The Hoff got hassled by ex-wife and cops. (Yeeeah!)

ï Katie Holmes threatens to bake up a fresh batch of Cruise juice into more spawn. (Glosslip)

ï The Butterscotch Stallion to freely roam the plains again, whinnying and rearing and tossing his golden mane. (Lainey Gossip)

Former "Baywatch" star David Hasselhoff flirted, danced and slept his way through an interview on British TV Sunday morning, and blames his dopey demeanor on sleeping pills.
The 54-year-old attempted to charm "GMTV" host Jenni Falconer during a promotional interview for his new single, "Jump in My Car," saying, "You're not engaged. Oh, I have a chance."
Hasselhoff later performed a hip-thrusting dance routine to his new song, aimed at Falconer, before falling asleep during a break in the early-morning show.
However, "'GMTV' producers dismiss speculation he was drunk. A spokesperson for the show says, "We do not believe he was drunk. There was no smell of alcohol."

We don't care whether David drank a quart of tequila, downed half a bottle of Ambien, or ate an entire turkey and was really knocked out from tryptophan, a sleeping Hoff is just damn good television. In fact, we're thinking of pitching an hour-long show of nothing but David Hasselhoff dozing off, head bobbing forward and occasionally jerking back in half-sleep shock, drool trickling from his mouth and falling onto his "Don't Hassel The Hoff" T-shirt. We think the folks at Fox just might bite.

Get all The Hoff you need at MaleStars.com.

ï David Hasselhoff says that he, like, totally could have done Princess Di if he wanted to, and that they flirted once. She said "You look much better with your clothes on," and then the Hoff replied, "Well Ma'am, so do you." That . . . doesn't . . . make any sense.

ï For all you gymnast (we're quite dumb) figure skater-loving old dudes: Katarina Witt upskirt!

ï When Britney and Christina kissed Madonna at the MTV awards lo, so many years ago, Christina suggested that she and Britney lock lips, but Brit declined, because she's incredibly classy and very discerning when it comes to whom she lays her mouth upon.

ï A man resembling the leather daddy from The Village People is telling all about his affairs with Tom Cruise, Antonio Banderas, Randy Travis, Andrea Boccelli, and Garth Brooks. Of the latter, he says, "When you're fucking a whale, it seems like an eternity." You're preaching to the choir, pal.

ï Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are both presently vacationing in Maui. Which is purely a coincidence, we're sure.

ï Welcome to Bizarroworld: Ashlee looks stylish, Jessica wears a harem-panted jumpsuit. 2 Legit!

ï Jamiroquai frontman Jay Kay assaults a throng of Lohan-stalking Pavarottis when he thinks they're interested in him. But he did not do said assaulting in or with a wacky hat, sadly.

ï Nicole Richie cries that the media reports saying she's anorexic are stressing her out so bad that she's becoming anorexic!

ï David Hasselhoff as Captain Hook in a London production of Peter Pan? Those are some pretty gay big shoes to fill. Only one man can replace The Hoff, and that's The Fonz. Ayyyyy.

ï Paparazzi, please stop taking photographs of Natalie Portman. Or she will make her hair look like Annette Bening's circa 1989 and then waggle a hand at you in a vaguely threatening manner.

ï Britney's little sister, Sean P Federline, and a turd on a stick. You heard us.

ï I've had it with these motherfucking Mo'Niques on this motherfucking plane!

ï Seacrest out? No. Lance Bass out? HELL YES! You go, girlfriend!

ï Agent Scully is preggo . . . by an alien! No, by a businessman. Whatever.

ï Carmen Electra, former wife of Dennis Rodman and newly split from Dave Navarro, was seen on a date with Jamie Foxx. Well, you know the old saying: once you go black, you go back once and then a few years later you look in the mirror and say "I'm married to a guy who still wears eyeliner and feather boas in 2006" and THEN you vow to never go back. Or something.

ï Did Fergie get dumped? Get dumped get dumped get dumped? Check it out.

Beer-swilling Baywatch star David Hasselhoff was booted out of Wimbledon ó because he was ìsteaming drunkî.
A guard led him from the tennis tournamentís grounds after a series of clashes with security staff.
First, the 53-year-old actor had a blazing row outside Centre Court. Guards would not let him in because he did not have a valid ticket.
Then he was banned from press and playersí bars as he tried to get another drink.
Hasselhoff, who has fought a long battle with booze, yelled at staff: ìYou should let me in. Do you know who I am? Iím The Hoff.î

We tried this very same tactic when arriving at an Enuff Z'nuff reunion concert after chugging three bottles of Boone's, but when we couldn't produce the chest hair to back up our claim that we were indeed the Hoff, we were thrown into the dumpster behind the club. Some Hoffs have all the luck.

Have you reached your recommended daily allowance of Hoff? If not head over to MaleStars.com and check him out.

ï Mayhaps the Pussycat Dolls should change their name to the Pussyandtittycat Dolls.

ï When your toddler asks you, "Daddy, what does 'bootylicious' mean?" you can now say, "Look it up in the dictionary, ya little shit" and mean it!

ï Donald Trump says of his daughter Ivanka, "I'd hit it."

ï Not only would Mariah Carey like you to touch her butt, she would like you to punch her in the gut. Well, okay.

ï Yanni was charged with abusing his girlfriend in their Florida home. What, did he force her to to listen to his music? Haw haw, bet you didn't see that joke coming.

ï In other domestic abuse news, the Hoff gets hasselled . . . by his estranged wife!

ï Jerry Hall says younger men not only suck in bed, they make you listen to Coldplay. It's a scary day when Jerry Hall is a practical voice of reason.

ï Thanks Easter bunny! Bok bok! As it turns out, Cokaite Moss used to hide her stash in a FabergÈ egg. Pfft. We hide ours in a Ming vase.

Can you honestly say that you wouldnít throw yourself out of window for this hunka hunka man?