CelebNewsWire» Daniel Craig Archives – CelebNewsWire

"Super Smooth and Licensed to Chill"

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 17:04:30 +0000

What's that picture to the left, you ask? Isn't it glaringly obvious? It's a sweating purple plastic Ben Gazzara with a stick up its johnson. No, actually, it's Popsicle Daniel Craig. Remember Daniel Craig? He's back! In popsicle form! The Del Monte company made him for you, and tells the Daily Mail:

"Daniel Craig topped our poll of Britainís coolest celebrities and thanks to our Del Monte lolly replica he is officially immortalised as super smooth and licensed to chill," said spokesman Matt OíConnor.

Only he's not really immortalized, per se, since, he's made of, you know, ice, and therefore melts in your mouth. Or in your butt, whichever.

Daniel Craig Will Not Be Your Lesbian Big Sister

Agent E. — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 17:40:29 +0000

Either Daniel Craig has a secret passion for AwfulPlasticSurgery.com or he's spent way too much time in L.A., because he's got a pretty good assessment of the surgery obsessed. Our own rhinoplasty specialist, FemaleFirst, reports:

Daniel Craig has vowed to never have plastic surgery – because he doesn't want to look "like a lesbian".

The James Bond star is determined to grow old gracefully, and thinks stars who do choose to go under the knife risk looking like "freaks" when they are older.

He said: "You've got to get on with it. If things start to come out, or things start to drop.

"It's tricky, it really is, because no-one likes to get old and sag.

"People can improve themselves when they are younger, but when you're 60 or 70, you start looking like a freak. You end up looking like a lesbian big sister and that's not right!"

Dag, we were totally wrong about Craig's interneting habits. His favorite site is obviously Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians. And we think it was the following two photos that forever scared Mr. Bond away from the plastification (and lesbification) of his face.

Daniel Craig: The New John Holmes

Agent E. — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 17:55:01 +0000

Respected British thespian Dame Judi Dench is always a lady. Even when she's caught spying on her co-star's supersized meat pole. She said of her Casino Royale co-star Daniel Craig's pork sword:

Itís an absolute monster! Maybe I shouldnít have said that. How uncouth of me!

See, had Judi been a heathenous American peeping on a peer's peener, she would have bellowed to the entire cast and crew: "Hey, everybody, come look at Danny's one-eyed milkman! It's the size of my arm!"

Catch some vintage Dame Judi at MrSkin.com. Naked, natch.

Jude and Sienna: A Relationship Built on Trust Boinking Anything that Moves

Agent E. — Mon, 10 Oct 2005 17:20:32 +0000

Usually when we dump our fiancÈ because heís been caught cheating with the nanny, we donít go cheating on him after weíve gotten back together, but thatís just us. And as you may have noticed, Sienna Miller is not us.

All those saucy British tabs are reporting that while Sienna was making fidelity demands of nanny-humping fiancÈ Jude Law she was carrying on an affair with her Layer Cake co-star Daniel Craig, a good friend of Judeís. So the series of events goes like this: Jude Law marries Sadie Frost, spews out a couple of ankle biters, has a couple swingersí parties, gets divorced; Jude and Sienna fall in love and get engaged, live in beautiful-people bliss; Jude goes off to the States to film a movie, gets lonely, humps nanny; Sienna dresses like a hobo, finds out about Judeís nanny porking, dumps Jude, cries and cries and cries; Jude begs for forgiveness, swears fidelity, shows wee manhood to photographer to ensure women everywhere stop daydreaming about his humping prowess and give him the chance to keep it in his pants; Sienna may be pregnant, takes Jude back, starts her own schtuping-on-the-side enterprise, gets dumped; Jude calls Sienna a "hypocrite and a conniving bitch"; Sienna denies, denies, denies. This whole thing is getting more complicated than the Dylan/Brenda/Kelly relationship.

See Sienna's cheatin' jooblies at MrSkin.com.