ï Lily Allen once made out with female twins. She's a regular Steven Tyler! (Yeeeah!)

ï While you're at it, have a listen at some new leaked Lily tunes. (Allie Is Wired)

ï Dakota Fanning might be in the new Twilight movie. That one was for all our preteen readers. All none of you. (CelebWarship)

ï Amy Winehouse saved a woman from death. Which is only fair because death has saved Amy Winehouse from death many times. What? We dunno. (Bitten and Bound)

ï Marisa Miller is still in a bikini. And you're still going to click on the link and look. (The Blemish)

ï Some scuzzos are trying to extort money from John Travolta and Kelly Preston. The world is a vampire. (Anything Hollywood)

ï Much like the bustlines for which she is noted, Jennifer Love Hewitt is clingy. (Pop on the Pop)

The screenplay for "Hounddog" – a dark story of abuse, violence and Elvis Presley adulation in the rural South, written and directed by Deborah Kampmeier – calls for Fanning's character to be raped in one explicit scene and to appear naked or clad only in "underpants" in several other horrifying moments.

We first heard of this story yesterday morning, but it took nearly twenty-four hours of scrubbing our skin with a stiff wire brush and Bon Ami to even think about tackling the subject of a Dakota Fanning nude scene. We understand that sometimes a young lass can develop early, become expert at the art of make-up, and thus confuse the weaker of the male sex. If she looks nineteen but is in fact not out of junior high is it ok to ogle her? But Dakota Fanning, while technically nearly a teenager, still hovers around eight in the looks department. So really, if you're overly excited by this news, then you've got problems–serious, serious, Roman Polanski-level problems–and you should probably move to France or Zimbabwe or wherever it is they might still accept your kind (if there is such a place).

No, Dakota Fanning is not at MrSkin.com, you sick fuck. But you can look at Leslie Bibb. She's from North Dakota.

ï The Butterscotch Stallion develops a taste for chocolate.

ï Hey, Scarlett. Why don't you take a fricking picture, it'll last longer.

ï We have trouble believing that even the most desperate kiddiefucker in a roving gang of Hollywood pedophiles would be hard up enough to want to molest Corey Feldman.

ï Meee-yow! Anna Nicole, you delicious bitch!

ï Tom Cruise gives his 11-year-old costar Dakota Fanning a cell phone. Now he can beam Scientology propaganda directly into her easily-molded young brain, and she can call her coke dealer without being hassled by the ‘rents. Everybody wins!

ï You Know It’s a Slow Gossip Day When: Angela Lansbury’s knee surgery makes top headlines. Godspeed, Mrs. Potts!