ï What's the first nude scene you ever seen? (Mr. Skin)

ï Ricky Martin becomes the father of twins without the pesky intervention of one of those yucky whaddayacallems. Vaginas. (Yeeeah!)

ï Courtenay Semel, ex of Lindsay Lohan and current poon pal of Tila Tequila, got arrested. But isn't it funny that a gay lady's last name is one letter away from "semen"? (The Blemish)

ï A loving, moving tribute to the French maid uniform. (Holy Taco)

ï Janet Jackson is designing a lingerie line. Each bra comes with a Justin Timberlake to facilitate breast release. (Derek Hail)

ï Paris Hilton brings her cha-cha cheese to England in hopes of finding a friend. (CelebWarship)

ï Jennifer Aniston is one step away from OK Cupid and J-Date. (IDLYITW)

ï Penis is kryptonite to Britney Spears's hotness. (Hollywire)

"Everyone thinks Samantha is Lindsayís first lesbian love, but we were very passionate until her fear of being found out drove us apart,î Courtenay told the pal. ìAt the time she was terrified her career would be over if she revealed her sexual tendencies. But then Samantha came on to the scene and I was dropped.î

The source continues, ìShe met Lindsay in the summer of 2006 at a party in Malibu. From the start Lindsay was very confused about her feelings for Courtenay so did more and more drugs to stifle the sexual attraction she was experiencing. But eventually she just gave in and at every party theyíd kiss and touch each other in the corner. Itís a miracle nobody found out. Both of them would do lines of cocaine in the toilets then head home and fall into bed together."

Ah, the old girl meets girl, girl stifles urges, girl does blow and chews other girl's cha-cha. Honestly, this could be a made-for-Lifetime movie starring Tina Yothers and Tracey Gold.

LesbLohan shows it off at MrSkin.com.

"Sam and Courtenay fight for Lindsay's attention. Both have told her they love her."

Samantha reportedly kept in constant contact with Lohan even when she was in rehab through their MySpace page.

One of the love letters Lohan reportedly sent Samantha reads, "Your [sic] all I have to live for babe. I want to marry you and have children with you. I need you to live!"

However, Courtenay and Lohan were reportedly living together in the Hollywood Hills until the two had a fight. But Courtenay still "can't let go of Lindsay, and she'll do what she can to win her back."

What does a lesbian battle look like? We picture it to be a lot like Obi Wan Kenobi vs. Darth Vader, only with silicone G-Spotters instead of light sabers. And dental dams instead of Vader masks. And crotchless panties instead of capes and robes. And a canopy bed instead of outer space. So actually, it's nothing like Star Wars, but exactly like Clam Slam 8: The Deadliest Snatch.

Lindsay gets cleavolicious at MrSkin.com.

WE might not see Lindsay Lohan fall into anything serious with a guy anytime soon – sources say the starlet is investing most of her time in her new best friend, Courtenay Semel.

Last week, Lohan attended a holiday and housewarming party at the Los Angeles home of "Power Lesbian" Jeanette Longoria with Semel, the daughter of Yahoo! CEO Terry Semel, one partygoer told Page Six.

The spy at the sapphic soiree also overheard the duo refer to themselves as roommates, and one Hollywood insider claimed they've been living together in a house in LA for about a month.

"Lindsay came with Courtenay to the party around midnight and they stayed for an hour," said our spywitness. "The girls held hands and were with each other the whole time." The tipster added, "Every time I see Lindsay, there's Courtenay. They are always together."

Other insiders said that although the blond actress is still friends with her deejay pal Samantha Ronson – with whom Lohan has reportedly made out in the past – her friends say Lindsay has been spending most of her time recently with Semel.

A rep for Lohan told Page Six, "The two are good friends, nothing more."

Lindsay, of course, subscribes to the John Travolta definition of "good friends," which involves daily explorations of said friend's mouth with your tongue and sticking an occasional finger or two in her vagina.

Also, to kill those hot lesbo fantasies sprouting up in your brain, Courtenay doesn't look a thing like Angelina Jolie. She looks like this: