The scariest scene at Guy's karaoke night on Tuesday wasn't Paris "singing," it was her make-out session with ballsy Cisco Adler! Nuts!

A TMZ spy spotted Hilton and Mischa Barton's grungy ex-boyfriend kissing all over each other at the club last night, with Paris going so far as to give Adler a little lap dance. Careful of the boys!

When she wasn't getting randy in the crowd, Paris graced the stage with a rendition of "Bette Davis Eyes," followed by a medley of her hit "Stars are Blind."

This is the universe trying to punish us, isn't it? Now we're never going to get the image of Paris Hilton trying to slurp up Cisco's enormous, pendulous balls like a couple of oysters on the half shell out of our head.

Mischa wasn't too excited, to say the least. I think it was actually worse for her than for me in some ways. So yeah, I'm gonna try to keep my pants on from now on.

Paris' shit got stolen, and somehow she had a picture of me naked in there. That's Paris Hilton to you.

I think it's pretty rock 'n' roll. You know, if it was like yesterday I would've freaked out, but then I looked at the picture and I was like, 'Oh, that's from like 2001. Whatever.'

So exposed twenty-inch testes in 2001=rock 'n' roll. But displaying your yardstick yams in 2007=totally uncool and worthy of a freakout. Yeah, that makes sense. We knew that there was quite a large gap in the Mischa to Cisco hotness ratio, but we didn't know that that translated to a severe case of the pussy whips. Way to brandish the leash, Misch.

Mischa is much sexier than her boyfriend at MrSkin.com.

ï Whoops, Eminem and Kim are NOT engaged again after all. They're married! Just funnin'.

ï Anna Paquin gets see through. But don't touch her! Or she'll suck out your life force! Ahahaha! Hahahaha! Because . . . because she's Rogue. Get it? Um.

ï Heather Graham. Bridget Moynahan. Movie lesbians. Suck on that, Tom Brady.

ï Adrianne Curry is very, very surprised that America's Next Top Model wasn't the key to setting the modeling world alight.

ï Christina Aguilera cooks in the nude for her husband. Most likely, bananas foster. Because he's a monkey, see.

ï Seeing as how Drew Barrymore has a fetish for annoying, facially unfortunate men (Tom Green, that dude from Hole, etc.), it's no surprise to learn that she may be rubbing her business onto the smug, Shandling-esque mug of Zach Braff.

ï Mischa Barton has allegedly dumped Cisco Adler not because he has freakishly huge testicles, but because everyone now knows that he has freakishly huge testicles.

ï Charlize Theron is getting sued for not wearing fancypants expensive free watches for tons of scratch. What a world! What a world!

ï Anne Hathaway is all "Oh, boo hoo hoo hoo hoo! I have beautiful hair! Waaaaah, my rack is rotund and perfect! Booooo, I'm famous and stunning! Pooooor me! Wah wah cry sob sob wah."

Those things are vaguely reminiscent of two old boxing gloves strung together and haphazardly strung over a doorknob. We never thought we'd be grateful to Cisco Adler, let alone grateful to Cisco Adler's low-hanging ballbag, but anything that provides a visual break from 602 straight hours of Paris footage is commendable.

DrunkenStepfather.com is your one stop shop for the latest round of Parisfully exposurous pictures, while FadedYouth boasts the fabled miscarriage bill and a letter from Pops Hilton that includes the soon to be immortal line: "Mom and I created the Uptown & Downtown fragrances to give you girl's credibility and have you taken more serious."
Meanwhile, Girls Gone Wild dude/human stool sample Joe Francis, who is featured in several of the photos and videos, is claiming that he and Paris have "assembled a legal team" and that

"We're pissed and I feel for Paris right now. She's been victimized yet again," Francis told The Post yesterday. "We want this thing down and we're seeking monetary damages."

Joe Francis suing someone for releasing videos of a girl flashing her boobs repeatedly? The world's gone topsy-turvy.

There's more exposure of Paris at MrSkin.com.

Cisco Adler and Mischa Barton came within minutes of being part of a search and seizure warrant being executed on a medical marijuana distribution center on Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood on January 17. Adlerís visit to the center that day was no different than any number of times he visited it. As usual, Cisco, 28, parked his Mercedes on the busy street with girlfriend Mischa, 20, waiting patiently in the passenger seat. Cisco was buzzed in, and after less than five minutes he appeared with a small white bag, and the two drove off.

As they left, the former OC star and her rocker beau failed to notice that two nearby side streets were lined with police cars, and Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) officers wearing bullet proof vests who were preparing to raid the small store front.

Just fifteen minutes after Cisco and Mischa drove off, the agents stormed in and sifted through documents, copied hard drives, and carted away pounds of marijuana and other paraphanalia.

You may be thinking to yourself, "Mischa Barton and Cisco Adler . . . taking pot? That's impossible! Are we talking about the same Cisco Adler? Whitestarr member Cisco Adler? Former Kimberley Stewart paramour and upstanding member of society Cisco Adler?" One and the same, friends. If you still have doubts, please peruse our Hall of Cisco. Look into his drooping eyes, hungry with lust for the "munchies" that he got from using MARIJUANA CIGARETTES and you will believe.

Mischa's at MrSkin.com.

"Mischa is miserable since she left The O.C. She feels like her life is over and everything is going downhill." revealed an insider. "She feels lost since she left the show and started pestering her boyfriend Cisco Adler for a commitment. She threatened to leave if he didn't give her a ring. He wasn't ready to get engaged so he stalled by buying her a "promise" ring. That satisfied her for a few weeks, but she started acting crazy and hyper-emotional. "She acts like she has nothing to live for." Cisco couldn't take the drama and told her "We're better off apart." He told friends "She's too crazy for me." That really set her off – she threatened to commit suicide and even threatened to kill their dog! She was seen sobbing in her car with wrist bandages. Whether she actually cut herself isn't known. "Cisco feels bad so he's pretending to work things out with her so he can let her down easy. He's hoping she'll come to her senses and won't do anything violent or vindictive. But he wants out."

We think we've found Mischa's motivation here. She's in mourning over the death of Marissa Cooper to such a point that she now believes that she is Marissa Cooper. In the coming months we will witness Mischa ODing in Tijuana, throwing lawn furniture into pools, and having a totally-not-convincing lesbian affair. But, Mischa, we've seen Cisco Adler. And he's no Ryan Atwood. Save the suicide threats for a boy who's intimately acquainted with a bar of soap.

Oh, see Mischa's best parts at MrSkin.com.

"Cisco Adler and his bandmates cruised L.A. the other day, playing tunes to promote condo sales at the Hard Rock in San Diego. When Adler's gal pal Mischa Barton pulled up behind them in her car, he serenaded her as his bandmates puffed on 'funny-smelling' cigarettes."

Mischa must have felt really special. To have her guy interrupt his crooning on the benefits of stainless-steel appliances, marble countertops, and whirlpool tubs to sing a few bars in her honor is every girl's dream. We just hope that Cisco's spontaneous declaration of heartfelt love didn't cause him to forfeit his turn at toke, toke, give.

Mischa Mischa Mischa at MrSkin.com.