A German model was charged Thursday with trying to squeeze $100,000 out of Cindy Crawford and her husband Rande Gerber over a photo of their then-7-year-old daughter bound to a chair and gagged.

The photo was reportedly taken by the couples nanny during a game of “cops and robbers,” according to an affidavit obtained by the AP. The unnamed nanny has not been charged. According to affidavit, Kayalar stole the photo from nanny somehow and repeatedly tried to get money from Crawford and Gerber starting this July.

You’ve got a German model, a nanny, S&M, and Cindy Crawford. This is the sexiest thing we’ve written about in months. Aside from the whole pesky “7-year-old” part.

Bondage-loving first graders prefer CNW’s RSS feed.

Robert Pattinson is as creepy as his fictional blood-lusting counterpart; sends Kristen Stewart 400 texts a month. (Celebitchy)

• Ashley Olsen in her underwear. Hey, don’t look at us. You were the one with the Olsen Twins Countdown to Legality calendar on your computer for years, nerd. (Cityrag)

• Getting down to the wire here! Mr Skin’s Top 100 Celebrity Nude Scenes: numbers 20 through 11. (Mr Skin)

• Cindy Crawford in a bikini. You liked it in 1992, and you’ll like it just as much in 2009. She must be drinking out of Brangelina’s sex grotto. (The Blemish)

• Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore almost crashed on a plane; live to Twitter again. (Anything Hollywood)

• Tiger Woods cut the cheese!!! (Gone Hollywood)

• Jessica Simpson enjoys a quaff or twelve at her hairdo dude’s birthday party. (Amy Grindhouse)

• 5 Movies John Hughes will be remembered fer. (Jezebel)

• Milla Jovovich collects knives. How Angelina 1998. (Daily Stab)

ï Heather Mills (McCartney) shows off her strawberry fields, forever. Do you wanna hold her glands? You might have a hard day's night, though she appears to be giving everyone a ticket to ride, so let's all come together, etc. etc. and so forth. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Cindy Crawford has cellulite. Whatever, like you wouldn't still masturbate with her discarded Kleenex. (Egotastic!)

ï Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty are making beautiful drugs together. No, wait, we mean beautiful drugs. Shit, not drugs, drugs. Ack! Beautiful music, is what we mean. Wait, no. No, we did mean drugs. (Yeeeah!)

ï Paris Hilton gets new lips; looks even more like Alice the Goon. (Derek Hail)

ï Megan Fox does the old Uncle Joey "cut! it! out!" (Cityrag)

ï John Maya is a str8 playa. (Daily Stab)

ï Scarjo did not chop up her nose, and if you say so, she will sue your ass. (Celebitchy)

ï Hayden Panettiere dons the 1989 soccer shorts; shows us her pegs. Make some sort of "score" or "goal" joke here, please. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Porn star Mary Carey is auctioning off her recently removed breast implants. A "portion" of the proceeds will go to the Susan G. Komen breast cancer foundation. The rest of the proceeds will go towards abusive puppy mills, toddler sweatshops, and terrorism. (The Blemish)

ï Flash go the cameras, and out winks the Halle Berry cotton cheek-splitter. (Taxi Driver)

ï Brendan Fraser got his head replanted for the winter. (Cityrag)

ï Something something about the Hogans . . . something divorce, lawsuit something something-or-other? Oh, whatever. You'd never see the Iron Sheik in this embarrassing position. (Derek Hail)

ï Vintage Cindy Crawford–before the Pepsi commercial, before the Gere, back when Aaron Neville face goober was but a freckle on the horizon. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Amy Winehouse has cancelled all her tour dates. Her doctor cites "the rigors involved in touring" and "emotional strain" as the reasons. Which sound like legitimate medical excuses, right up there with "the vapors" and "consumption" and "the grippe". (The Hollywood Gossip)

ï "Greetings and salutations. My eyebrows are on top of my skull." (Dlisted)

ï Eva Green is a gorgeous gothick angel sent from crazy Joan Collins style heaven and placed upon this earth to teach us all about beauty and love and eyeliner. (Lainey Gossip)

ï Face it–you're never going to touch Jessica Alba. So instead, set your sights on her slightly more attainable stunt double! (Daily Stab)

ï Shamed superstar Mel Gibson fires up his Razr and sets out on the seemingly insurmountable task of personally apologizing to every Jew in the whole wide world.

ï Lindsay Lohan is coming out with her own perfume. Exhaustion by Lindsay Lohan will smell softly of jasmine, raspberry vodka, and pink pepper with bottom notes of firecrotch musk.

ï And there is no love lost between Lindsay and her Bobby costar William H. Macy, who says that she "should have her ass kicked." Not such a good idea, Macy, old chum. The ass might be your target of choice, but Lindsay apparently goes for the face.

ï Cindy Crawford gets by with a little help from her friends. Her good friends Botox and Collagen.

ï The Japanese have given the thumbs up to their previously censored Britney naked posters. Gee, you think the "banning" and "controversy" was only to drum up publicity? Nah.

ï Pete Doherty: punched out a male nurse at rehab!

ï Pete Doherty: also busted for cocaine in rehab! We don't know about you, but we're really starting to understand what a beautiful, wealthy, iconic supermodel would see in him. What a prize!

ï His lyrical edge softened with age, contentment, and wealth, Bruce Springsteen makes a bid for authentic suffering by dumping redheaded wife for redheaded 9/11 widow.

ï Ever seen pink pee before? No? Ever seen Pink pee before? Also no? Well, here ya go.

ï Carmen Electra and Shannon Elizabeth are pals. If C-list hangs with D-list, does that elevate them to B-list?

ï If you posess fashion experience and much love for checkered bondage pants, you can work for Gwen Stefani and her L.A.M.B. label. Just email skagirl.com. Skagirl . . . we think we cybered with her in the AOL Skankin' Pickle room in 1994.

ï Melanie Griffith takes the Cruddiest Mom of the Year crown from Dina Lohan when she lights her teenage daughter Dakota's cigarette.

ï Cindy Crawford plus stripper pole plus mojitos minus bra equals summer fun for the whole family.

ï Al Reynolds dons spandex; gets late-night booty call from large man in bucket hat.

ï In case you were wondering who, on God's green Earth, would admire the jauntily shoddy designs of Charlie Sheen's ill-timed kidswear company, Sheen Kidz, the answer is: Britney. Naturally.

ï Penelope Cruz is the first non-Scientologist to step forth and claim that Suri No Middle Name Cruise exists.

ï Is David Geffen getting Stiflered?

ï We told you about Sienna Miller supposedly being snapped doing some career-threateningly embarrassing cavorting at a VF party. Here are the pics. BFD.

ï Kristanna Loken: if you're Loken for an upskirt shot, you've found one.

ï Jennifer Love Hewitt says that Fez is a dirty liar and that she absolutely did not take a ride on his baloney pony.

ï Keri Russell, NAKED in a magazine. However, it's Vanity Fair, so there's no real Felicity felititty.

ï Women want Kelly Brook's body. They want her body baaad.

ï Paris Hilton shows off her sultry pipes. And for once, we're not talking about her poon chasm.

ï That little girl from Pete and Pete is now a plumber.

ï Mariah Carey's foxy ex-boyfriend upgrades to Cindy Crawford. She's planning on leaving her husband and moving into her new love's refrigerator box in Shantytown, USA.