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Tag Archives: Chris Martin

CNW Junk Drawer: They Tried to Make Me Go to Silicone Rehab

Amy Winehouse has traded needles in the arm for needles in the boobs and lips. (The Blemish)
Rachel Bilson sports Gwyneth Paltrow-style greaseball legs in Flaunt. (Yeeeah!)
James Gandolfini assaulted a paparazzo. Sadly, he later found out that the photog was not, in fact, carrying any nachos on him so it was all for naught. (Anything Hollywood)
Strap [...]

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Apple and Moses, Meet Your New Brother, Chewbacca

You think that Sunday and Levi are names worthy of getting a kid 's teeth knocked out behind the jungle gym? Wait till you meet little Chewy Martin. Luckily his parents won't have any trouble understanding his strange language, as to them names and words and such are nothing but noises. The San Francisco Chronicle [...]

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Celebrities Spending Writer's Strike Having Tons of Sex, Getting Knocked Up

Just like your 35-year-old spinster sister, Hollywood is baby crazy. We're beginning to think that Governor Arnold secretly passed a law that every showbiz personality must spawn by the year 2010 or be forced to spend two years working the craft services table. Jennifer Aniston better start prepping her uterus, because we hear she's a [...]

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Paltrow Pops Moses Martin

Here we've been watching Katie Holmes through our gossip telescope waiting for her to deflate the pillow under her shirt and magically turn it into a real live baby (Scientology makes you magic, people), and we were so distracted that we totally forgot that Gwyneth Paltrow even existed, let alone that she was carrying a [...]

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Chris Martin's Pants Hate Him Just as Much as You Do

We thought that between the two of them Gwyneth Paltrow and husband Chris Martin had about as much of a sense of humor as Droopy Dog, but apparently we were wrong. Martin at least can crack a joke. It just takes his pants falling down in front of thousands of people.

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Gwyneth Paltrow's New Fetus: A Day Late and a Whole Lotta Sex Appeal Short

So Gwyneth Paltrow has officially announced that she's pregnant. Usually this would be big news and people would joke over what the kid would be named. (At this point we think that the Paltrow-Martin household uses the "pick up the first reading material you see and point to a word" strategy of child naming, with [...]

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Gwyneth's Baby Already Mocked in the Womb

And you thought she couldn't top "Apple" . . . the name Gwyneth Paltrow has chosen for her new baby is pure crapple.

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Gwyneth Paltrow: Baby Factory

Gwyneth Paltrow and her fey Coldplay husband Chris Martin have reproduced yet again. Tears of joy, awe, congratulatory handshakes, hearty high-fives, gasps, over-the-top chest-clutching, impassioned dancing in the streets, fainting, tickertape parade, baby animal sacrifice, etc., to come.

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Celebrity Suicidal Ideation Is the New Ugg Boot

We thought we were pretty good at predicting the next big thing. Back when Elaine was pitching the urban sombrero we were saying, "No, no, it'll be the urban poncho." But the latest celebrity trend just completely surpassed us. What are the hip kids doing these days? Why, admitting that they contemplated suicide, of course! [...]

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