CelebNewsWire» Cher Archives – CelebNewsWire

CNW Junk Drawer: Heidi Montag Twatt

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 18:41:37 +0000

You WILL see Heidi Montag nude in Playboy. Just what you always wanted! (Yeeeah!)
Hands off the Brad Pitt. Do not touch the Brad Pitt. That means you, Ann Curry. (Anything Hollywood)
When Megan Fox gets a manicure, she actually gets a pedicure. Get it? No? Click on the link then, Einstein. (The Blemish)
Real Madrid soccer dude Cristiano Ronaldo allegedly let Paris Hilton handle his balls. (The Hollywood Gossip)
Aw, Britney found a nice boy. (Drunken Stepfather)
Cher’s kid, Chastity Bono, is transitioning into a dude. You go Chaz. P.S. Insert obligatory “gonna have a Bono” joke here. (Bitten and Bound)
Part Gollum, part Grinch, and allllllll sexy: Phil Spector without his wig(s). (CelebWarship)
Usher and his wife are splitzo. (Pop on the Pop)
Sandra Bullock likes her tits. Heeeeeey, so do we! BFFS!!!! (Daily Stab)

CNW Junk Drawer: She's Still Got (T)it!

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 17:38:17 +0000

ï Elizabeth Hurley's colossal cleavage never seems to age. Baffling! (The Blemish)

ï Amy Winehouse and her imprisoned husband: they're either going to be "together forever", or she's cheating on him and will be forced to give him three million dollars. Either way, she's screwed. (Female First)

ï Tom Cruise was once Cher's bagel boy. And by that, we mean he spread his cream on her hole. Wait, no. The other way around. (Hollywood Grind)

ï 'Scuse me while I kiss this dong. Move over, Marilyn, it's the Jimi Hendrix sex tape! Does he play a right-handed vagina left-handed? Watch and find out.(I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Disney says that we won't be seeing much of Miley Cyrus in the wake of her "nude" photo "controversy". Unless she's in a full body condom with a scarlet letter on it. (The Hollywood Gossip)

ï Hulk Hogan uses suntan oil . . . to lube up daughter Brooke Hogan's crotch? Miley, what have you wrought with your suggestive posing and infectious pop grooves? The whole world's gone crazy! (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Leah Remini's daughter is an asshole. (Derek Hail)

ï When John Travolta notices that his new facial hair configuration looks like two porn star landing strips, he will squeal, "Ew, get it off, get it offffff!" (Yeeeah!)

ï Keeley Hazell. Dancing. In her undies. (Holy Taco)

ï Former Full House fox Lori Loughlin joins the cast of the new improved 90210. It's like 1990 all over again. (Hollywire)

Cher Brands Brit and J. Lo "Hos"

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 23 Feb 2005 17:28:40 +0000

Cher called Britney Spears and Jennifer Lopez "hos"! We're tellin'! MOOOOOMMMMM!

From the pot-kettle-black files: onstage in New Zealand during the Australian leg of her neverending Farewell tour, Cher explained her decision to quit touring to the 20,000 concertgoers, saying, "I'm not going to give up show business, but there are new girls coming up like Britney and J.Lo."

The New York Post reports that when the crowd booed upon mention of B and J, the wearer of assless chaps and fucker of Bagel Boy snitted, "I know. They're hos, aren't they?" Well-played, Cher. Well-played. But hold up! Britney and Jen Lopez are happily married women! They can't be hos, right? God, we're so torn.