Believe it or not, we had dinner together with all of us. So I love that. … It's important for our daughters to see us get along and to be able to be in the same room. Brooke and I have always gotten along, so obviously when we went through what we were all going through it was what it was. But I think she's great with my girls. They love her. I think anytime you go through a divorce it's such a huge change in your life, and obviously my divorce was very public and it got very nasty. … Charlie and I didn't want that — we didn't want all the conflict and this and that, and that's just was the situation was. I like things very calm and happy.

Well doesn't that just make you want to slap her on the ass and call her Demi Moore? Actually we think that might be what brought on the divorce in the first place. We're just wondering at what point in the meal Charlie implores Denise to go cry to her bald mom? Probably right before the port.

Charlie Sheen and his wife, real estate investor Brooke Mueller, welcomed twin boys — Bob and Max — Saturday in Los Angeles.

The new arrivals are the couple's first children together.

It's kind of hard to take potshots at traditional names in a world post-Bronx Mowgli, but still. "Max Sheen" sounds like something written on the front of a bottle of Mop n Glo and "Bob the Baby" sounds like something you'd do at Britney Spears's Halloween party circa 2006.

Dr. Peter Waldstein, a Bev Hills pediatrician, has treated Charlie and Deniseís two kids in the past. Charlie was pissed that the doc was immunizing the kiddies, because he doesnít believe in it. Charlie sent Waldstein a letter, demanding that he no longer treat the kids, but the Dr. fired his own letter back saying he would treat them if they needed medical attention, no matter what.

So, there was this outstanding $380 bill that Charlie paid by messenger today. It was a big box filled with $380, all in nickels. By our calculations thatís 7,600 nickels.

Weíre told the Dr. is donating the loot to the March of Dimes.

Charlieís rep, Stan Rosenfield, said, ìDr. Waldstein should spend more time treating his patients than leaking stories to TMZ.î Rosenfield adds, ìMaybe Dr. Waldstein would like to be featured in John McCainís next television commercial [famous for being famous].î

For the record, weíre not saying who gave us the story.

Oh, we really, really hope that Charlie does something to piss off his Two and Half Men bosses and they utilize this screw you tactic to pay his $800,000 salary. 16 million nickels is bound to be mighty heavy. We hope Charlie's got the biceps to handle it.

ìMy kids are in therapy. Itís very sad that they need to be there, but they do for now. On the other hand, itís good they have an outlet to deal with their feelings and someone who is just their advocate.î

We're not sure what a three- and four-year-old actually do in therapy. Usually when kids that young see a professional, they use dolls to act out their feelings. Though we're not sure how the psychologist will react to the little Richards-Sheen moppets making the teddy bear say "prostitute-tranny-infested sperm." And we doubt there is any doll available that looks the part of Daddy's passel of hookers. Oh, wait. Bratz.

MILFy Miss Denise gets naked at MrSkin.com. You knew that.

ï Angry whelp Miley Cyrus wrecks equipment on the set of her new video. "Grrrr! I'm so mad! Like a bear! Grrr! Like a fluffy bear! With a bow around its neck! Grrr . . . awwww." (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Kim Kardashian and Vanessa Minnillo dressed as cheerleaders, Carmen Electra in jazzercise gear. You're welcome, pre-verts. (The Hollywood Gossip)

ï The fetus is out there. And by "there" we mean in Gillian Anderson's womb. (F-Listed)

ï Oh yeah, Charlie Sheen married Brooke Whatsherguts last weekend. We didn't report on it because it didn't involve insulting Denise Richards. (Allie Is Wired)

ï Lily Allen's hair is pink, her face is green, and her liver is pickled yellow. Fun drunk shots! Luv u Lily. (Derek Hail)

ï Astley Tisdale: prepare for mass RickRollage. (The Blemish)

ï Vanity Fair is in deep shit for implying that Gina Gershon let Bill Clinton's presidential peen into her Oval Office. Crystal Connors, NO! (Defamer)

ï Eva Longoria is sporting what appears to be an inflated pregnancy rack, highlighted by the most burnt sienna of tan-spackle. (D-listed)

DENISE Richards is lashing back at her ex, Charlie Sheen, over the ugly accusations made by his friends on Page Six yesterday.

Sheen branded her a liar and claimed she sent his fiancee, Brooke Mueller, an e-mail asking him for his sperm so she could have another kid. Now Richards, in town to promote her E! reality show "It's Complicated," tells us:

"For him to slam me saying I'm exploiting the kids, well, he's exploited our entire situation," Richards fumed to us yesterday. She claims Sheen obsessively sends her rage-filled text messages.
"Last week, I sent Charlie a text message asking him if he's going to Family Day [for daughter Sam's school] and letting him know Sam was sick with a cold," Richards said. "His response was, 'I hope you and your worthless retarded father get cancer and join your stupid mom. Rot in hell you [bleeping] whore.' My mom died of cancer. This is what I deal with on a weekly basis.

"He missed Dad's day at the school and my father had to go in his place. And this is how he talks to me?"

Richards claims the e-mails sent to Mueller were fakes: "I don't want Charlie's prostitute-tranny-infested sperm. I have two beautiful kids. We'll leave it at that. I am so over him. He's the one who can't move on. He's disgusting and he's hit an all-time low."

But Sheen is taking it to the mat – or rather, a computer DNA expert – to prove Richards is lying.

Sheen's rep said, "Denise seems to be denying the existence of [the] e-mail. This goes beyond a he-said-she-said. We have an offer from a [live] TV show. They will bring a computer expert to diagnose the e-mail and to verify it was sent by her e-mail address and to verify it was neither altered nor edited. Computer DNA – it is conclusive.

"The only time Charlie has spoken on TV about her, they were sound bites at red-carpet visits or during set visits," the rep said. "He has not gone on multiple TV shows this week."

We've got a question for you, Denise. If Charlie's sperm is "prostitute-tranny-infested" what does that say about your daughters? It's not like Charlie was as virginal as Gary Coleman before you snagged him and only started paying for play after you split. Nu-unh, honey. Chuckie had been dipping his wick into every expensive-ass ho in L.A. for decades. So does this mean that when you sit Sam and Lola down for the "where do babies come from" talk (in front of an E! camera crew, natch) that you'll explain not that they're made of sugar and spice and everything nice but of one part mommy, one part daddy, and a hearty dash of transgendered streetwalker?


Denise, naked and Sheen free, at MrSkin.com.

DENISE Richards is a big liar, claim Charlie Sheen's pals – one of whom says she "gets more than enough money from Charlie to never have to work, much less do a reality show that exploits the kids."

Sheen and his friends are furious that Richards taped a reality show debuting this weekend on E! called "It's Complicated," which also features the warring ex-couple's two daughters, Lola and Sam.

In her bid to promote the show, Richards went on "Today," "The View" and "Larry King Live" to explain she did it to make money to support her children.

But, "Denise gets $52,000 a month tax-free in child support," a Sheen insider fumed. "Most people in America can figure out how to live on that, but Denise can't?"

In addition to the child support, Richards got $60,000 a month (also tax-free) for two years in alimony – adding up to a whopping $1.44 million. Richards also gets a chunk of Sheen's hot sitcom, "Two and a Half Men," which "eventually will net her up to $25 million," the source said.

But big hunks of cash aren't the only thing Denise wants from Charlie. According to The New York Daily News:

Sheen's ex Denise Richards denied on "Larry King" Tuesday that she'd ever asked Sheen, father of her two children, for a sperm donation after their breakup. Wednesday, the "Two and a Half Men" star countered by distributing to us and others in the media a copy of an e-mail he said Richards sent to his fiancÈe, Brooke Mueller, on the subject in April 2007.

"I will no longer sit back and be egregiously painted as a liar," Sheen said. "The mere fact that she continues to publicly discuss and harass both Brooke and me three years after our separation, which for the record is longer than the actual length of the marriage, is beyond desperate and speaks volumes."

The e-mail, Sheen claims, reads:

"Dear Brooke, I don't want to have a baby with Charlie. I am having a baby in the next year. By myself … my girlfriend suggested Charlie be the donor. So, I did bring this up to him. There are so many couples having unhealthy children. Charlie and I have very beautiful healthy children together. I was strictly looking for a sperm donor, if it's any of your business. If it were him, I said we would sign a document that he couldn't come after me and I couldn't come after him … this wasn't to have sex with him, it was him donating … that's it. "

After Richards told Matt Lauer on "Today" yesterday that the e-mail was a fake, Sheen challenged: "If any proof can be established that these are not in fact her words and statements verbatim, I openly invite her and would even encourage Ms. Richards to sue me in a court of law."

This is why you have to think ahead, ladies. Waiting for the man to willingly give up his jizz is so twentieth century. The new millennium is all about rooting through the trash for used condoms and stowing them in the freezer, just in case.


Before she was a Sheen, Denise showed her beans at MrSkin.com.

ï Eva Mendes gets a job shilling Calvin Klein drawers! Just like Marky Mark, only with more substance abuse and less wiggerliness. Same size boobs, though. (Yeeeah!)

ï Clip of Brit's appearance on How I Met Your Mother. Talking about shopping with Doogie Howser? Ooooh, that's fabulous, girlfriend! (The Superficial)

ï Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton fighting again. Fighting over Maddens. That's kind of like arguing about which Nelson brother is cooler (the answer is Gunner, obviously). (Celebitchy)

ï Eva Longoria's wedding tattoo disappeared. Maybe she used WRECKING BALM! (Daily Stab)

ï Eliot Spitzer enjoyed Charlie Sheen's sloppy seconds. Surprisingly, we're not talking about Denise Richards. (Bitten and Bound)

ï Jennifer Aniston is a dutiful flosser; probably has no plaque buildup in her ass crack. (The Blemish)

ï Punky Brewster has another daughter and names her JAGGER. We can't wait to have babies named Staley and Weiland and Stapp. (CelebWarship)

ï Pamela Anderson's famished vagina snacks on spangled panties. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Nicole Kidman's bodyguard goes ape crazy on a paparazzo. (Holy Taco)

Give this to Charlie Sheen: He's not afraid to mine his personal scandals for laughs.

The other night on his hit TV show, "Two and a Half Men," Holland Taylor, who plays his mother, Evelyn, was griping that she had no date for the opera. "Why don't you try one of those escort services?" asked Sheen's character, Charlie Harper.

It was brave line, considering that Sheen admitted in 1995 to spending more than $53,500 on 27 "dates" with employees of Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss. But the sitcom got even closer to the bone when mother and son began to banter about an inflatable sex doll.

"I tried it once," said Charlie Harper. "But I prefer a real woman."

Sheen also knows something about this subject. A few years back, we're told, he bought a $6,000 anatomically correct latex girl dressed in a cheerleader's outfit. According to an insider, Sheen was quite open about the doll ó even bringing it to the set of his old show "Spin City."

But then came the night when, according to our source, Sheen tried to get two female party companions interested in a foursome with the bouncy cheerleader.

"They couldn't stop laughing at him," says the snitch. "Charlie got so mad that he ran the girls out of his house. Then he took a meat cleaver and chopped one of the doll's hands off. He and his bodyguard tried to dispose of it, like it was a real body. They wrapped it in a blanket and drove around in the middle of the night till they found a Dumpster."

Before the doll's demise, Sheen's friend used to tease him about the mannequin's resemblance to his future wife, Denise Richards, who later claimed she, too, saw Sheen's rough side. Richards talked about getting a restraining order against Sheen after she alleged that he'd pushed her during an argument, according to a Richards pal.

CBS chief Les Moonves, whose network airs "Two and a Half Men," is said to have implored her to not do so, lest the public filing trigger the morality clause in Sheen's contract. According to the friend, Richards agreed to work out the issue with a private judge the couple hired.

One Sheen ally blamed Richards for "dredging up all this [recent] ugliness in a pathetic attempt to garner attention for herself." A rep for Moonves declined to comment. Sheen's rep said, "Anything we have to say, we'll say to a judge" in the couple's custody case.

Charlie really should have held onto that doll, as she would have come in handy after his split from Denise. Instead of hurling insults at Denise via email and waiting for her to covertly leak them to the press, he could have used the Real Doll as a stand in, screaming that she's a "sad, jobless pig" until his throat gave out and then grabbing her one remaining hand, thrusting it at her face, and taunting, "Why are you hitting yourself, Denise? Huh? Why are you hitting yourself? Are you going to go cry to your bald mom about your black eye?"

"You are an evil piece of shit. I can't wait to tell the world what a piece of shit you are. You don't get a fucking dime till this is resolved," says a third e-mail.

Richards says in her court filing that she was particularly hurt by the one about her mother, who is undergoing chemotherapy treatments for cancer.

Pictures of Sheen's "erect penis" that Richards says he used for his profile on sex sites are also included, which Richards claims he e-mailed to "approximately 30 women."

"I'd love to give it to you any time," Sheen wrote to one woman under the screen name "mrjonze55."

Richards says Sheen even visited gay pornography sites – "which I found even more disturbing because I felt that the boys looked underage," the documents state.

Richards accuses Sheen of punching the headboard of their bed once in a rage, and telling her that by no longer breast-feeding, she was causing their daughter, Sam, to "become retarded."

"He took a large wedding photo off the wall. He had it placed in our garage. He sawed the picture in half and took spray paint and sprayed 'the dumbest day of my life,' " Richards claims in the documents.

A month prior to the lewd e-mails, Sheen tried to apologize. "I have been responsible for some of the worst dialogue and venom-spewing behavior in the past few weeks that I can possibly recall, ever," he wrote. "The anger and frustration that our situation has generated is beginning to manifest itself in physical forms and cellular regression."

But less than two weeks later, he was sending Richards e-mails such as, "You are a horrible mom. Save your phony flowers for any one of your 30 dogs."

Sheen said through his spokesman, "I will not dignify the majority of these allegations with any measure of response. On its best day it remains laughable and inane."

That all sounds pretty bad, but The New York Daily News seems to be taking our side on the "Is Denise Richards a manipulative shrew?" issue:

But a pal of Sheen's accused her side of leaking the information. "And she wanted to have another baby with him only a few months ago, which makes her a hypocrite," says the friend.

The anonymous sender said in a handwritten note on the packet: "I worked on his show for 1Ω years; he is nuts."

The name the sender gave to the messenger company, however, was "Denise Richards."

It must have been really hard for Denise to personally deliver such damning evidence to the major media outlets. Not because she was conflicted about making defamatory comments about the father of her children in public. No, it must have been difficult for her to resist the urge to request a paparazzi escort to the Daily News offices.


Denise Richards is still naked at MrSkin.com.