CelebNewsWire» celebs in bikinis Archives – CelebNewsWire

CNW Junk Drawer: Goose Egg

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:00:55 +0000

Rihanna has a big lump on her head. So she either went back to Chris “Doo Doo” Brown or she’s growing horns. The latter is more believable. (Gone Hollywood)
Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima gives birth to baby girl; is probably not a virgin anymore. (PopEater)
Victoria’s Secret model Shannan Click naked. Totally, truly, NSFW naked naked. It’s pretty funny that a model has the last name “Click”. That would be like a dentist named Dr. Bzzzzzrrrrt or CelebNewsWire’s last name being a fart sound. (Yeeeah!)
Beyonce upskirt, but she’s got underwear on so don’t get too jazzed or nuthin. (Cityrag)
New Moon star Noot Seear nude. Which makes you a Nood Seer. Haw! (Nudography)
Ashley Tisdale wears a bikini. Also, I got a splinter yesterday. It hurt! (CelebSlam)
Lily Allen has a secret half sister! Dun dun DUN! (Anything Hollywood)
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Britney Spears and Jennifer Aniston Costar in Comely Bikini Pics

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 18:23:58 +0000

Prince once urged us all to party as if it were the year 1999. CelebNewsWire takes most of its cues from the doily-clad dwarf, so after masturbating with a magazine and Batdancing, we would like to invite you to ogle new pictures of Britney Spears and Jennifer Aniston in bikinis, just like it was 1999. Oh, it was a simpler time then. Before the head-shaving, before Brangelina. We were playing Sega Dreamcast, Gene Siskel departed this world, and we all fell in love with a zany card named Jar Jar Binks. And Jen and Brit were America’s #1 sex symbols. So look at these shots because they make a nice companion while you’re downloading “Bailamos” on Napster.

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Olivia Munn Makes Dorks Happy (Both Kinds, Actually)

Agent E. — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:33:37 +0000

Do you want to know a secret about the internet? Nerds keep it alive. You might think that the internet’s true purpose is cute kitty videos on YouTube or for you to stalk your high-school classmates on Facebook. But no. It’s to keep geeks happy. Do you think that your company’s IT guy is sitting down in his basement twiddling his thumbs waiting for a pornado to crash your browser? Nope. He’s searching for Tricia Helfer nude. And you know who else he wants to see naked? Olivia Munn. She’s totally hot, but she could also school you in Halo. And if there’s one thing that geeks love, it’s the interaction of hot chicks and video games. Well, that and beating off.

Hey Look! Pretty Ladies in Bikinis!

Agent E. — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:48:51 +0000

We’re still hungover from Halloween (we went as sexy Sonia Sotomayor, in case you were wondering), so we’re taking the easy way out today: bikini pictures! But we kind of think that you don’t mind. Hell, you’ve proven that all you care about are tits anyway. As long as some portion of them is on display in some manner, you’re happy. Sure, you might skim over those silly stories about Paris Hilton and a camel, but really, you’re just here for the boobs. Christina Ricci and Victoria’s Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio both look marginally attractive clad in small pieces of spandex, so enjoy!

CNW Junk Drawer: Nice Purple Rain Font

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 16:55:48 +0000

Adam Lambert’s album cover has been revealed and we seriously have no idea why people keep insisting this dude is gay. (Allie Is Wired)
Matthew Broderick flubbed his lines so badly at a recent play that audiences demanded their money back. Bomp bomp ohhhhhh yeeeeahhhh chicka chick ahhhh. (Celebitchy)
Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom got tattoos of each other’s initials because that’s what retards do. (Fatback)
There will be no charges filed in the Joe Francis/Brody Jenner/Jayde Nicole bar fight. The judge looked at the evidence and was like, “Yeah, these people are douches, fuck ‘em.” (Yeeeah!)
Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner are probably dating, which is like the 2009 version of Victoria Principal and Andy Gibb. Swooon! (The Blemish)
Brittany Murphy mistook the sounds of a humming generator for gunfire and called the cops. I mistook her lips for an inflatable raft, boarded them, and sailed away to Honah Lee. (TMZ)
Dita Von Teese got tit implants after tripping balls on acid ruined hers. (Mr. Skin)
Happy 42nd birthday, Julia Roberts! Our present to you is posting candid shots of you in a bikini. (Egotastic)
Guess that celebrity camel toe! It’s more fun than Cootie! (Cityrag)
Charlize Theron answers to “Ass-Nuts”. Thanks for stealing my future baby name, dick. (E!)
This gif. (Oh No They Didn’t)
Gisele Bundchen’s baby bumpchen suddenly got yuge! (Daily Stab)

CNW Junk Drawer: Up, Up and Away in My Dad’s Beautiful Mylar Stormchasing Balloon

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 16:43:18 +0000

Balloon Boy and his non-airborne brethren have a (c)rap video about avoiding “pussification”. Hey, they’re better than the Beastie Boys. (YouTube)
Balloon Boy also totally busted his fame-fellating parents by saying “You said we did this for the show.” Hahaha. (Celebitchy)
And after that, Balloon Boy barfed twice on live TV. The end. (Dlisted)
Amy Winehouse has allegedly been dating George Foreman’s son. Which son? We’re betting George. (our own personal gossip grillmaster Female First)
Vikki Blows has a naked 2010 calendar out. Vikki Blows. That’s a real pretty name. (Dirty Rotten Whore)
Jenna Fischer in a bikini. Pam, you little minx. (Mr. Skin)
Meghan McCain posts her big, bountiful, beautiful, amazing, gravity-defying, stupendous, gut-stabbingly, hair-chewingly, self-immolatingly enormous cleavage on Twitter; idiots cry “slut!” (Daily Stab)
Fergie will release her own vanity fragrance. It will smell like a meth lab and soiled culottes. (Faded Youth)
Halle Berry wore a very revealing dress to a fundraiser and she looks OK, we guess. If you like perfect faces and flawless bodies. Whatever. (Cityrag)
Jon and Kate Plus 8 has been canceled. Oh, God. We’re so sad. How will we ever live. Someone pass a goblet so we may fill it with tears. (Fatback)
Khloe Kardashian wants to get pregnant, but only if she can be “a skinny pregnant person”. Nothing says sexy like low birth weight and developmental disabilities! (The Blemish)
Jessica Simpson was offered a brain sandwich. She should have taken it. (Yeeeah!)
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There’s Not Enough of Kim Kardashian’s Ass in FHM

Agent E. — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 16:19:31 +0000

We appreciate that FHM has outlets all over the globe. That means that we don’t get teasing, sexy, sometimes semi-nude pics of hot chicks just from the U.S. version of FHM. No, there are countless foreign publications of the mag bringing us different hot chicks every month. And this month the South African edition gives us Kim Kardashian looking sexy in a bikini. Hey, Kim, we know you’re feeling unloved lately, since your sisters are getting all of the attention from their knocked-up-ness and fake wedding, but we don’t think a bikini is going to get you what you want. Full nudity’s the thing to get the spotlight pointed back at you. Take our advice and you’ll go far, kid.

Do Ashley Greene’s Bikini Shots Eclipse Her Nudes?

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 16:22:32 +0000

Twilight. It’s full of longing. Forbidden romance. Vampires coated in Dove Sensuously Shimmering body lotion. And it has a giant pussy in the form of Edward Cullen, but if you want actual, living, breathing Twilight vulva, you’re going to have to turn to Ashley Greene’s nude pics of yore. But what about the Twilight fan who’s too young for shorn labes but too old for Sonny with a Chance reruns? Ashley Greene bikini pics. Well. She certainly is a comely lady. And very appropriate-looking, since the Twilight vampires are supposed to not eat and have bodies that look like carved marble. Uh, not that we’ve read them or anything. Jacob, no! Don’t offer yourself to be killed by the newborn vampire gang because you found out that Edward and Bella were engaged! Eeeeee!

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Bikini Season Winds Down with Chick from 30 Rock

Agent E. — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 16:33:27 +0000

We’ve been furiously searching for new celebrity blood lately. But considering the last time we hoped for an influx of new meat we were gifted with the twankers from The Hills and Megan Fox yammering on about how edgy and sexy and dangerous she is, we’re a little wary of what may come next. So let’s go back about three years to the debut of a little TV show called 30 Rock. You may have noticed a young hot blonde playing dumb on the show. Her name is Katrina Bowden. She was always wearing short skirts and looking so feeble of mind that she’d probably find even Tucker Max charming and whimsical and not the equivalent of a Glad bag filled with donkey feces. Her career hasn’t really taken off in the past three years, but that’s probably because she hasn’t done much to promote herself. So it’s a good thing she was seen over the weekend in a teeny bikini. Because there is no better form of self promotion than flashing a little skin. So we say, make Katrina the next celeb superstar. Unless you’re really hoping that Heidi Montag’s second cousin’s best friend gets her own reality show and dominates the pages of Us Weekly.

Eliza with a Z—and a Bikini

Agent E. — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 15:34:05 +0000

Hey, are you a geek? Do you own the Battlestar Gallactica box set, complete with posable action figure? Can you recite at least the first twenty digits of pi? Then have we got something for you. Geek dream girl Eliza Dushku looking all sexy-like in Complex magazine. They’re nice pics and all, what with the teasing near-toplessness and the cleavage and whatnot, but there are a few buzzkills too. Like that pic in the blue bikini. The bikini’s sexy, but why is she posing for a beat-off pic on her nana’s lanai? It’s kind of creepy, actually. Not as creepy as the ode to Flashdance pic with the ’80s half-back ponytail and neon green bikini top. Either she responded to an ad she found on Craigslist for “models” or she’s in Whitney Houston’s bathroom.