CelebNewsWire» celebrity pets Archives – CelebNewsWire

Mariah Carey Demands Kittens

Agent E. — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:00:54 +0000

We think Mariah Carey is the closest the world will ever come to a real Disney princess come to life. In fact, we’re kind of surprised that we don’t see her decked out in frilly pink gowns with skirts the diameter of dinner tables more often. But we’re not at all surprised that Mariah demanded 20 white kittens and a wand just to flip on some damn lights. Our gossip fairy godmother, FemaleFirst, reports:

Mariah Carey request to have 20 white kittens at a Christmas lights switch-on has been blocked.

The diva reportedly wanted the young felines and 100 white doves to accompany her at the extravagant switch-on ceremony at Westfield shopping centre, in west London.

She also requested to be showered with butterfly-shaped confetti – her favourite insect – while standing on a pink podium and waving a magic wand.

What’s the big deal? She just wanted a few kitties to walk around her feet mewling. It’s not like she was requesting that they all climb up the Christmas tree and do a synchronized “Single Ladies” dance. Which, by the way, she totally should have have, cause that would have been awesome.

Mariah likes Twitter cause it reminds her of little birdies. So follow us. Mariah wants you to.

This Is Just Gross

Agent E. — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:14:09 +0000

Now that Brittany Murphy’s steady King of the Hill paycheck has gone to syndication heaven, girl’s gotta work. And though we haven’t seen her in anything since that movie where she nannied Dakota Fanning (Shut up. It was on TBS.), she apparently has five movies in some state of production. Yes, five. So she needs to get back on our radar. And what better way to do that than by publicly making out with her super super hunky husband and a fluffy little dog? We can’t think of a single way to top that. Seriously, we can’t think of one. No no no. The words “sex tape” never, ever crossed our mind. We swear. This is better. She doesn’t need to do that. Please please Jebus don’t let her do that. Seeing Mr. Brittany Murphy mid hump would surely signal the end of days.

You made it this far, so obviously you love disgusting pictures of celebrities kissing. Good news! We have a whole gallery of gross kissing pics on Facebook!

Bai Ling’s Cheetah Half-Breed Has a Taste for Nipples

Agent E. — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:12:20 +0000

We’re in love with celebrity pets. There are the ones that are essentially living jewelry, like every animal Paris Hilton has ever come in contact with. Then there are the endearing mutts who take an otherwise boring celebrity and make us think that they can’t be half bad with a cute companion like that, like Jennifer Aniston’s Norman. But Bai Ling just may have the best celebrity pet ever: a half cheetah, half house cat hybrid! How did someone get a house cat and a cheetah to breed? No clue. Did the cheetah have the house cat for a snack after the kitty coitus? Probably. But Bai possesses the progeny, and that progeny almost possessed Bai’s naked nipple! She said:

I sleep naked … She was kissing me, and suddenly, she woke up. She saw my nipple, and oh my God, she went for it. If I wasn’t fast, my nipple is gone. She thought it was a toy or something.

Can you blame the pussy? Bai Ling’s nipples are roughly the size of baby dicks. While Bai’s sleeping we’re betting they flail around like a snoozing pooch’s legs. How could a playful kitty not pounce?

Knick Knack Paddywhack

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 16:26:07 +0000

Animal lover and Oscar-winner Hilary Swank is the face of Iams Home 4 the Holidays Pet Adoption Drive, which she helped kick off yesterday with a personal appearance, posing with some canine pals. And, uhhhh, I guess it’s safe to say that dog is a big Hilary Swank fan.

Photos via Socialite Life. Also, come Tweet with us.

Paris Hilton Demands Lobsters

Agent E. — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:18:43 +0000

Apparently CelebNewsWire has the power to summon celebrities out of publicity hybernation. If we ask “Where has Scarlett Johansson been lately?” on Tuesday, by Friday she’ll be on the cover of eight magazines and slated for a guest spot on 30 Rock. We’re like a human Ouija board. Recently we summoned the beast that is Paris Hilton. And we’re truly sorry. We didn’t mean to bring her back into the public consciousness. But it would’ve happened anyway, right? She recently got a job (it lasts one whole day!) and celebrated by demanding lobsters from her new employers. That girl knows how to party. Says Page Six:

Paris Hilton has landed her next big movie role — and she’s said to have demanded live lobsters as part of her contract.

Hilton will appear alongside Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Samuel L. Jackson and Eva Mendes in the cop-action comedy “The Other Guys,” now shooting in New York.
A source reports, “Paris has a cameo role in the movie, where she plays herself. It is all being kept very hush-hush.

“But the producers were shocked when her team handed them a three-page list of demands — including live lobsters to be prepared fresh when she’s ready to eat and a bottle of Grey Goose vodka — all for just one day on the set.

“All celebrities are typically offered riders, but it seemed excessive for just one day’s work playing herself. She was due to fly to New York to film in secret last week.”

A three-page rider for one day of work is impressive, but lobsters and vodka? You can buy those at Jewel. She needs to be demanding things like pillowcases woven by Tibetan monks and R. Kelly’s urine. That would remind people that she’s a stahhhhhh.

Mel Gibson’s Hand in a Beaver

Agent E. — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 16:01:57 +0000

This movie is going to be awesome!

Jessica Simpson Can’t Catch a Break

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 15:44:53 +0000

A dingo did not take her baby, but a coyote did steal her lesbian malti-poo. Alas, poor Jessica Simpson. It’s bad enough she got unceremoniously dumped by Tony Romo. Now her dog Daisy has become Snausages to a desert cur. Last night Jessica took to Twitter and let us all know that

My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!

And she included the helpful flier to the left, which is a really good idea, because we’re certain once the coyote gets back to his den and logs into Twitter, he’ll see just how bad he screwed up, remove the be-curled moppet from his jaws, and return her to Jessica for a tidy reward.

Follow us on Twitter while you’re at it.

Brad Pitt’s Gerbils’ House Is Nicer Than Yours

Agent E. — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 15:23:15 +0000

A lot of the time, we make fun of celebrities and their excess. Posh Spice washes her hair in pigeon urine she has imported from Indonesia? That’s just stupid and ripe for ridicule. But once in a while a story will come along that demonstrates how much fun it can be to be ridiculously wealthy and capable of doing anything your feeble little mind can dream up. This, my friends, is that story. It involves Brad Pitt and a very, very pricey racetrack. A racetrack for gerbils. Says The Sun:

ARCHITECTURE fanatic BRAD PITT has spent £50,000 building a bespoke run – for his children’s gerbils.

The Hollywood heavyweight is fascinated by design and construction and personally oversaw every step of the project at his family’s French estate.

It features a maze of tunnels, seesaws and platforms which makes the rodents the most pampered vermin on the planet.

“It’s incredibly complex and cost a lot but Brad’s more than happy with any activity that can combine his two passions – his kids and architecture.”

That sounds cool and all, but our childhood gerbils were perfectly happy with the mazes we built out of our dad’s empty PBR cans. They didn’t need anything fancy to poop in. They were simple gerbil folk.

P.S. We deserve a huge pat on the back this morning. It’s the Tuesday after a three-day weekend and we wrote a story involving gerbils and didn’t take the easy way out with a Richard Gere joke. That takes determination, people.

Candy Spelling’s Dog, Real Estate Adviser

Agent E. — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 14:52:02 +0000

You know that celebrities are nuttier than a sleepover at Boy George’s house, right? So nothing we can tell you would make you think, “Man, I did not see that one coming”? There’s nothing on this earth that a celebrity could do that would surprise you? What if we told you that Aaron Spelling’s ghost convinced Candy Spelling that she should let her dog pick out her next home? Weren’t expecting that one, now were you, smart guy? Celebitchy helpfully transcribed the wackiness from The National Enquirer:

When I heard Candy Spelling let her dog Madison pick the real estate agent who’d handle the sale of her $150 million Hollywood mansion, I discovered the real story’s even wackier!

According to my source, agents were trotted in to meet Candy and Madison, who snootily rejected each one – until the pooch finally barked approval of a lady agent.

After congratulating her, Candy confided that the idea of letting Madison choose an agent was actually suggested by Aaron Spelling’s ghost! Candy says the minute she made the decision to sell, her deceased producer/hubby materialized and pitched the idea of making it Madison’s choice.

Do you think Madison had to work up to such an important decision, psych herself up for such responsibility? Like, first she helped Candy pick out a new pair of shoes, showing a clear preference for conservative, closed-toe pumps and reassuring Candy that Aaron’s ghost’s advice was worth following?

Wait Till They See What's Printed on the TP

Agent E. — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 18:14:09 +0000

Of course of Paris Hilton has nude pictures of herself hanging all over her house. And of course she would invite Access Hollywood over and point and giggle and say, "You can see my boobies, teehee." You know you weren't expecting her to be all like, "This is an original, one-of-a-kind sketch given to my great-grandfather by Picasso himself. It's a really excellent example of cubism, though personally I prefer his rose period, my favorite being La famille de saltimbanques." So don't even try to pretend that you expected anything less from her. Says IMDb of the Access Hollywood tour:

Hilton showed off the Marilyn Monroe portraits that hang over her four-poster bed and shocked with candid poster-sized photos of the heiress naked, hugging a toy cat and sitting in a Hummer (vehicle) with her pet Chihuahua Tinkerbell poking out between her legs.

She chuckled, "That's me in a Hummer with Tinkerbell, in the buff."

Paris Hilton in a Hummer with Tinkerbell, in the buff. God. Now that's art.