Tag Archives: celebrity offspring
Welcome to the World, Sugar Tits
Mel Gibson is good at a lot of things, like angering entire religions and fertilizing women’s eggs. He proved his superiority at the latter when his mistress Oksana Grigorieva gave birth to his eighth child on Friday. People scoops it:
“This will confirm that Oksana Grigorieva and Mel Gibson welcomed the arrival of a baby girl [...]
Aw, Look! She Has Her Daddy’s Hairline
Samantha Burke, the lady into whom Jude Law ejaculated minus a rubber, is cashing in on her half famous/half mortal progeny nicely. She granted exclusive rights to pictures of new baby Sophia to Hello! magazine for a cool $300,000. And Jude is not cool with this. A source told the NY Daily News:
“He wants to [...]
Sparrow Madden Flies Toward Magazine Cover Fame
In our greed-filled never-ending quest to get more traffic to CelebNewsWire, we’ve been scouring our stats and discovered two things: readers like dames with no clothes on and they like pictures of babies. Which means that our fans are depraved perverts and also Jennifer Aniston. Today, People released the first pictures of the second offspring [...]
Britney Spears, Motherhood’s Pinnacle
You fear for humanity every time you walk down the Wal-Mart frozen foods aisle and see a 300-pound woman in an “I’m Too Sexy for This Shirt” tee smacking around her kid and yelling, “Get Mama some Hot Pockets, shithead.” But apparently that’s just good parenting, at least according to Britney Spears’s British fans. Says [...]
Knox and Viv Emerge from Quarantine
They live! Despite many rumors that wondertwins Knox and Vivienne Jolie-Pitt are wheezy, allergy-ridden bubble babies who can’t stop barfing and shitting, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie brought them out into the world this weekend. The Daily Mail reports:
The couple made a surprise visit to the Licky Licious gelato store where the owner Ihab Fakhouri [...]
Jude Law About as Responsible as You Suspected
The world has changed so much since we were kids. Back then, Mommy and Daddy sat you down for a discussion that began, “When a Mommy and a Daddy love each other verrrry much . . . ” But these days that conversation is more likely to go a little something like this: “When a [...]
More Boring Celebrity Babies
The celebrity baby boom continues today with the offspring of Jude Law and Ellen Pompeo. Separately. Not together. To our knowledge, Jude Law and Ellen Pompeo did not have sex with each other and grow a baby. Sorry for the confusion. People reports on Law’s unintended spawning:
Samantha Burke, the 24-year-old aspiring actress whom Law met [...]
Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prize Jr. Welcome World’s Most Normal Celebrity Baby
Some celebrities are boring. They don’t get drunk in public, they never show us naked parts of their anatomies when they’re on their way to/returning from getting drunk in public, and they stay married for non-celebrity durations. Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. are such celebrities. In fact, they are so normal and boring [...]
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Also tagged celebrity pregnancies, Freddie Prinze Jr., Sarah Michelle Gellar
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Katherine Heigl Kills the Adoption Trend
One thing we’ve learned from this gossip game is that people really, REALLY hate Katherine Heigl. She kind of deserves it, since she usually sounds like an ungrateful brat who wanted the white pony, goddammit Daddy, not the chestnut one. So we’re guessing that not too many people care that she’s about to be a [...]
Welcome to the World, Spare Tire Madden
Today is 9/9/9, which, if you turn it upside down, is 666. Diabolical! And lo, the child of Lucifier is born on this most evil day! All hail the bringer of evil! OK, so maybe he isn’t the son of Satan. He’s the son of Nicole Richie and Joel Madden. And maybe he’s not a [...]