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I Don’t Think You’re Ready for This Pirelli: 2010 Naked Lady/Tire Calendar

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:27:28 +0000

Michelin uses a jolly character seemingly constructed of coiled feces, and Goodyear has a big fat blimp. Tire advertising sucks except for Pirelli, whose entire sales model is based on elitism and naked supermodels. Which makes perfect sense, because when we think of rubber spheres bolted to your vehicle, we think of snobbery and the pert breasts of a gangly 20-year-old from a remote town in Brazil. After the cut, we have a sneak peek of the 2010 Pirelli calendar, featuring that dude from Bush’s incredibly hot bastard child Daisy Lowe, and a great shot of Miranda Kerr topless. It’s the most effective use of overalls with one strap down since the Funky Bunch!

Top row, L-R: Daisy Lowe and Catherine McNeil, Georgina Stojiljkovic and a sloth, Marloes Horst

Bottom row, L-R: Miranda Kerr, Rosie Huntington-Whitely

Keeley Hazell Saves Animals with Breasts

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:30:48 +0000

PETA is probably the most reviled group of capital letters outside of NAMBLA. They do stuff that makes the most hardcore of animal activists ashamed. And the worst thing they’ve ever done is create that “I’d rather go naked than wear fur” ad campaign because none of the women are actually naked in it! I mean, sure, they’re naked, but they’ll have an arm coquettishly propped against their ham bags (totally not vegan!) or a broom or lamp or something hiding their pudendae. Leave it to British big boob lady Keeley Hazell to buck convention and actually show her gut-clutchingly awesome and huge and natural rack. And this time, the ad actually worked! We were about to leave the office to go strut around like Joe Jackson in a full-length chinchilla and then take a drive in our panda-upholstered Bentley but now we’re going to stay home to eat TVP and touch ourselves down there.

NSFW Pics after the cut.

CNW Junk Drawer: Goose Egg

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:00:55 +0000

Rihanna has a big lump on her head. So she either went back to Chris “Doo Doo” Brown or she’s growing horns. The latter is more believable. (Gone Hollywood)
Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima gives birth to baby girl; is probably not a virgin anymore. (PopEater)
Victoria’s Secret model Shannan Click naked. Totally, truly, NSFW naked naked. It’s pretty funny that a model has the last name “Click”. That would be like a dentist named Dr. Bzzzzzrrrrt or CelebNewsWire’s last name being a fart sound. (Yeeeah!)
Beyonce upskirt, but she’s got underwear on so don’t get too jazzed or nuthin. (Cityrag)
New Moon star Noot Seear nude. Which makes you a Nood Seer. Haw! (Nudography)
Ashley Tisdale wears a bikini. Also, I got a splinter yesterday. It hurt! (CelebSlam)
Lily Allen has a secret half sister! Dun dun DUN! (Anything Hollywood)
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CNW Junk Drawer: Slurping Up with the Kardashian

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:55:12 +0000

Kim Kardashian suckles the ’sicle. (IDLYITW)
Sofia Vergara nude pics. She used to date Tom Cruise. Hahahaha! That’s funny. (Cityrag)
Johnny Depp offers to help bail Nicolas Cage out of his money trouble. Because he’s Johnny Depp, and he’s a nice person, a good father, an excellent actor, and his breath probably smells like honeysuckle. (Celebitchy)
Harry Pothead and the Half Blood Bong: Daniel Radcliffe gets boke. (Yeeeah!)
Ashlee Simpson nude on Melrose Place. Yeah, because the CW is known for their explicit shots of taints. Riigght. Still not watching, turkeys! (Hollywood Gossip)
Stripper lady is all, “Sorry I fucked your husband and then told everybody, Fergie.” (Allie Is Wired)
8 babies aren’t the only thing Jon Gosselin can make. He can also make sex tapes, and a mean post-nasal coke drip. (The Blemish)
Lady Gaga performs “Bad Romance” on Gossip Girl. This is just like the time Whitney Houston was on Silver Spoons! (Amy Grindhouse)
Rebecca Gayheart admits she has a child in her child-killing womb. (S? O! WTF?)
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CNW Junk Drawer: Sammy Snow-sa

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:27:50 +0000

Sammy Sosa used to be a Dominican dude, right? Not a Cullen-white green-eyed guy? We didn’t just make that up? (Gabby Babble)
It’s all right cuz she’s saved by the fetus: Tiffani (-Amber) Thiessen is with child. (PopEater)
Lilogate continues: in more tapes, Lindsay Lohan’s charming and selfless parents allege that she was porking Heath Ledger when he died. Riiiiight. (Celebitchy)
Pete Wentz says that he was unable to write music after his son was born. Quick, Ashlee! Have more babies stat! (Angry Ape)
Please, God. Please, please, please. If you exist, you’ll let this be true: A-Rod has hanging in his home a painting of himself as a centaur. (LA Times)
Carrie Prejean has a sex tape. CelebNewsWire doesn’t give a shit. (Bitten and Bound)
Katy Perry has “RUSTY” written on her ass, apparently to broadcast her love of the rusty trombone. (Fatback)
Jennifer Lopez is blocking the release of her sex tape. Blocking it with her big huge giant ass? (Mr. Skin)
Paz de la Huerta is naked in the upcoming Limits of Control. We’re talking full NSFW pissflaps here, people! (Nudography)

Anna is Friel with Her Body

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:24:03 +0000

We all enjoyed the pictures of Anna Friel nude in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. We liked looking at them and we liked thinking about them. But we’re a sensitive website with a kokopelli tattoo to prove it so we wondered, “How does Anna feel about it?” Funny we should ask. She said on the Paul O’Grady Show:

“At first I was [nervous]. There was a whole debate about when we actually rehearse the nakedness for the first time. It was in a rehearsal room which was very stark and cold and under fluorescent lights.

She added: “It’s so brief and it’s not gratuitous, it’s not salacious. It’s about this guy who sees a naked woman for the very first time. It teaches him to be a bit more open about it and not so stuffy. We’ve all got them – they just look different!”

“I have never really had a problem with nakedness. I could sit here completely naked and be interviewed and not care. But I won’t be doing that, don’t worry!”

Well thank God because I was really worried. I was sitting here wringing my hands and chewing the skin on the insides of my teeth like, “OK, breathe, CelebNewsWire. Just breathe.” Then I took some Valerian root and read this story and everything’s cool now.

See the series off Anna Friel n00dz here, and then Facebook friend us cuz we’re chill.

In Fashion, One Day You’re in Your Clothes, the Next Day, You’re Out

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 15:06:11 +0000

I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly. I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly. I don’t think your ready for this. Her body’s too Heidilicious for ya, babe. Last month we brought you promise of Heidi Klum naked in an upcoming coffee table book called Rankin’s Heidilicious. At the time, the model/Project Runway hostess/infant factory said,

“He always gets me to take my clothes off for some reason. We’ll do some job and then he’ll say, ‘Why don’t we shoot some more things?’ and I’ll wind up without anything on.”

Some of the pics from the book leaked today, and by God, Heidi was not funnin’. She is naked. There is butt and there is nip. After the cut, please enjoy the photographs and let us know which of them you find the sexiest. Us? We like the ones in which she’s been Carrie’d by a bucket of diarrhea. Nothing says “Heidilicious” like being dipped in loose stools.

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What’s So Super About These Models? Nudity.

Agent E. — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 15:36:25 +0000

Supermodels. They’re usually not the smartest people in the room. If you were out to lunch with a model, a failing fourth grader, and Britney Spears (Don’t judge; that’s our standing Thursday noon reservation at The Ivy), who would you let calculate the tip? So even though Mr. Skin declared last week Official Nude Victoria’s Secret Model Appreciation Week, some supermodels are getting nude this week. To be fair, one of them is Miranda Kerr, who just couldn’t keep her clothes on last week. And perhaps Naomi Campbell thought the magazine depicting her bare boob being gawked by a goat was slated for release last week. Or maybe this is the new world order. Every day we will wake up to find a new nude picture of a current or former Victoria’s Secret model in some manner of undress. Universal health care sounds nice and all, but this is the kind of revolution we’ve been waiting for. After the cut, see some naked models.

And before you start bitching, yes, we know that Miranda Kerr is wearing pantyhose and is therefore technically not nude, but hey, that sure looks like an ass to us. So suck it, nitpickers.

Victoria’s Secret Models Fight for Accidental-Nudity Domination

Agent E. — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:19:41 +0000

We love supermodels. They’re so pretty. And they’re so good at following orders. When a photographer says, “Take your top off, love,” (because photographers are classy and, therefore, British) it’s very likely that she’s going to do it. Hell, if she’s Kate Moss she probably won’t even wait for the photographer to ask. But even when they keep their clothes on, those clothes usually don’t cover very much. Today we’re bringing you a double shot of accidental Victoria’s Secret model skin. Miranda Kerr over there was so excited to be getting her pretty picture taken on top of a building that her nipple jumped clear out of her top. Then, as if to outdo her fellow lingerie donner, Marisa Miller flashed her whole ass while changing clothes for the new Victoria’s Secret catalog. So who wins? You, obviously. But also Marisa, because ass beats accidental nipple. But hopefully Miranda has a competitive streak and won’t take this loss well. Maybe then she’ll show up for the annual Victoria’s Secret fashion show wearing only garter belts. After the cut, Marisa Miller’s ass and Miranda Kerr’s nipple.

Eva Amurri Is Generous; Nude

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 17:53:37 +0000

Californication stars the always interesting David Duchovny, which is good. Then again, every time we hear the show mentioned, we get the Red Hot Chili Peppers stuck in our heads. That is bad. Thus, our feelings towards the show were neutral until Eva Amurri came along and captured our hearts like a plucky red-haired orphan with a well-intentioned shaggy dog. A shaggy dog and enormous, stunning, pendulous, natural boobs the size of cannonballs. It’s a hard knocker life. Two mammos, two mammos, I love ya, two mammos. You’re never fully dressed without a bra. And etc.

Why yes, there are pictures after the cut, thanks for asking!

Eva, who gets her very comely assets from her equally enchanting mother, Susan Sarandon, has a few more weeks left in her Californication residency, so if you don’t watch, you’re pretty stupid. Oh, and don’t give us that “waahhh, I don’t have caaaaable” horse feathers. Every Monday, Mr Skin has the pics and clips up first FREE for 24 hours. The government might be giving you $8000 for buying a house, but Mr. Skin is giving you colossal yabbos. It’s up to you to search your soul and decide which you’d rather have.