Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt got into an epic fight early this morning … so much so the LAPD responded to a call — “Drunk people arguing” — this, according to law enforcement sources.

An eyewitness tells us he saw Paris in her driveway and Doug getting in his car, when Paris began screaming, “Don’t go, don’t go!”

The eyewitness tells us Doug got out of the car and the lovebirds began “shoving each other.” According to law enforcement, cops spoke to Paris and left.

Faded Youth has some pictures of Paris and Doug at an event a few hours before the incident, and Paris looks freakishly like Twirly Curls Barbie, so we wouldn’t be surprised if they weren’t fighting at all–Doug was just trying to best position Paris into the purple plastic chair so he could used the magic twirler to transform her locks into beautiful golden ropes.

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UPDATE: Paris pulls a Shaggy, says “it wasn’t me.”

Russell Crowe

The paper mocked Crowe after he was photographed pausing during a recent bike ride with his personal trainer to puff on a cigarette and chow down on three tacos and a soft drink.

In a story published Friday, the paper said Crowe’s spokesman called up gossip columnist Annette Sharp the next day and said, “Get on your bike. Russell wants you to go riding with him. Are you ready to die?”

Sharp accepted the challenge and the pair met a dawn for a 12-mile (20-kilometer) ride through the city. Video of the race shows Sharp struggling to keep up while Crowe zooms along unfazed. At one point, Sharp fell off her bike.

Still, Crowe gave Sharp some credit, telling her she was a better biker than Australian director Baz Luhrmann. “You’re twice the man Baz is,” he said.

Sure, that’s impressive, we guess. But if Russell wanted a real bicycle duel, he and the reporter should’ve come at each other from fifty paces, a bicycle’s rear tire firmly in their grip, and knocked handlebars above their heads like two antelopes fighting to the death.

If we challenge anyone to bicycle duel, you’ll hear about it on our Facebook page.

According to Jenner, he and his girlfriend Jayde Nicole were at the club celebrating his birthday, when Jayde saw Francis hitting on an ex-girlfriend of his (Francis’), Jenner says “unrelentingly.” Jayde felt he was harassing the woman — whom Jayde and Brody know — and she threw a drink on Francis.

Jenner says Francis then pulled Jayde’s hair, punched her in the face and threw her to the ground and began kicking her. Security broke it up and Francis got dragged away — Brody followed.  Jenner says he started yelling at Francis and both men were ejected from the club.

Outside the club, Jenner says he tried to get back in to see Jayde but security wouldn’t let him. Jenner then saw Joe, punched him in the face, and then someone tased him and he fell to the ground.

It’s a good thing scumlord Francis started this all by beating up a lady, otherwise we wouldn’t know who to root for here. It’s like trying to figure out which turd you should root for in the race down the toilet hole.

Police were called to the Gosselin house in Wernersville, PA Thursday night after Jon and Kate got into a heated argument over Stephanie Santoro, the nanny who was on duty that day.

One source close to the situation told RadarOnline.com, “Kate showed up at the house unexpectedly. It’s Jon’s scheduled time to be there with the kids.”

Jon was inside the home and wouldn’t let Kate in. Kate reportedly started screaming at Jon at the fence outside their once happy home about his relationship with Santoro – the nanny hired by Jon, and not Kate.

Amid all the screaming, someone called 911. Police arrived, but no arrests were made. Kate left and checked into a local hotel.

It’s fantastic that the Gosselins have gone from suburban Jesus-digging bliss to having the cops mediate over a nanny-dorking fight. It’s absolutely awesome. Like if Mr. Ingalls got really drunk on moonshine and pimped out Half Pint to the Oleson’s secret child prostitution ring to fund Ma’s opium addiction.

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“So, what are you here to promote, your Broadway play?”

Piven, who famously dropped out of “Speed the Plow” in December, is in a legal battle with producers who believe the actor fabricated his illness in order to get out of completing his contract, and was none too happy to be reminded of the incident.

The actor sniped back irritably, “Well, what are you here to promote? Mango?”
Says an insider, “After some back and forth, Jeremy said something really personal to Chris that basically attacked his career. He said ‘Whoa, man  -  I thought we were just fooling around here.’”

Our source adds, “Jeremy slammed the green room door right in Chris’ face, and about 20 people in the hallway outside could hear him yelling obscenities. He was furious.

“Chris felt really badly about the whole thing, so about 15 minutes later he tried to approach Jeremy again to apologize, to tell him he was just kidding and that he didn’t mean to offend in any way. But Jeremy wasn’t having it at all. He slammed the door in Chris’ face AGAIN.”

What happened between those two door slammings? Did Piven emerge, shriek “You’re just so mean,” then run back to his dressing room to reapply his mascara?

Rogen says he doesn’t see how Heigl’s new comedy, The Ugly Truth, makes women look even better.

“That [movie] looks like it really puts women on a pedestal in a beautiful way,” he quipped on Howard Stern’s SIRIUS XM radio show on Thursday.

[Knocked Up director Judd] Apatow figured Heigl was “probably was doing six hours of interviews and kissing everyone’s ass, and then just got tired and slipped a little bit” when she made the remarks to Vanity Fair.

Regardless, Rogen said, “I didn’t slip and I was doing fucking interviews all day too … I didnít say shit!”

Even more baffling, said Apatow, “We never had a ‘fight’” with Heigl while filming. “Seth always says, it doesn’t make any sense [because] she improvised half her shit,” Apatow said, adding that she “could not have been cooler.”

Rogen said he doesn’t feel bad since Heigl seems to run her mouth and most people, including Grey’s Anatomy staff.

“I gotta say it’s not like we’re the only people she said some bat shit crazy things about,” he said. “That’s kind of her bag now.”

We’ve been pretty much over Seth Rogen for a while now, as his new skinniness just freaks us out, but calling out Katherine Heigl for pretty much declaring herself the supreme queen of Hollywood is awesome. If only he could have fit in a jab about her smoking habit or mispronounced her name.

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