Justin was very clear with Jessica that he didn’t want to be in a serious relationship with her anymore where he wasn’t able to date other people. Jessica took the news very hard, but once she calmed down and they started talking again, he convinced her to stay friends who hook up, without all the pressure of a relationship.

At first she was very reluctant, but she missed him a lot and so she decided to give it a try even though it wasn’t exactly how she wanted things to be. She’s still in love with him, and they are still attracted to each other, so it would have been difficult for them to quit each other cold turkey.

So let’s get this straight. Justin says, “You’re really cool, baby, and I really like screwing you, but I’d love to screw other people too. Like Rihanna. That girl is FINE. Nothing against you. I just like screwing. And you’re not always around. And I still want to screw you too, definitely. Does that sound cool to you?” And Jessica says, “OK, honey, whatever you want”? This is Jessica Biel we’re talking about, not Jessica Bialy, some chick he met at a Safeway in Queens? We don’t get it.

Cougar Emeritus DEMI MOORE’s squealing like a teenybopper because 16-years-younger hubby ASHTON KUTCHER’s generating buzz that’s got Hollywood fast-tracking his sensational new movie project – a romantic comedy that teams onetime screen queen Demi with real-life ex BRUCE WILLIS, and chronicles the zany adventures of a divorced couple after she marries (you guessed it!) a sexy stud 16 years her junior!

“It’s a PR bonanza with built-in headlines,” Ashton enthused to Bruce, who loves the idea and desperately needs career CPR since his new flick “Surrogates” went on life-support – not to mention a DOA mess titled “Assassination of a High School President,” co-starring MISCHA BARTON, that fast-tracked straight to video!

Writers are pounding out the script as we go to press, and insiders say studio moguls are sniffing that sweet smell of success for the floundering box office mega-stars – especially with certified boy-genius Kutcher aboard. (Folks, I second that emotion!)

We find this premise more than a little creepy. It’s not the whole basing-fiction-on-real-life angle. Nope. It’s that this story gives us the distinct impression that Ashton-Demi-Bruce-Bruce’s-invisible-lady-wife land is filled with many, many orgies. These people are just way too close to not be humping each other in every configuration imaginable.

Renee Zellweger has reportedly split from Bradley Cooper. The Oscar-winning actress – who began dating the handsome actor earlier this year – is said to be distraught after he decided to cool their romance as he doesn’t want to be tied down.

A source said: “Bradley is enjoying his status as a hot successful star and doesn’t want to settle.”

It is also reported Bradley – who was once linked to Jennifer Aniston – has formed a close friendship with Hollywood producer Holly Wiersma. The source added to Britain’s Mail on Sunday newspaper: “He’s told Renee he wants space – but at the same time he’s started getting flirty with Holly.”

Yeah, we don’t really care about this, but chew on this: does Renee Zellweger’s face go totally relaxed and normal if a guy accidentally shoots goof juice into her eye. Think about it.

P.S. Lainey says they’re definitely broken up. We shall see.

Jaime’s happy day was balanced out by the heartbreak of a lesser celebrity. Way lesser. Emmy Rossum is no longer a Sadie, Sadie, married lady. We’d love to give you details on this split, but we’re too confused trying to remember who Emmy Rossum is. When we first read the story, we thought, “Emma Roberts is getting divorced? Isn’t she like 15?” But no. Emmy is someone else. She might be in movies, we think. Or sing maybe? Although our best guess is that she’s actually grown-up Vicki the Robot who shows up on every red carpet and smiles a lot until she needs to be recharged. That seems the sensible answer.

Also wed this weekend was Claire Danes, who no longer has a very fancy fiance now that she’s married to Hugh Dancy. Do you think there was lots of fancy dancing at the ceremony? Or do you think Dancy was nervous and had antsies in his pantsies for the whole thing to be done with?

Also calling it quits were Fred Durst and some pretty lady, who were married for a whopping three months. Our guess is that it took Esther those three months to figure out the YouTubes and find the “Nookie” video. Either that, or he asked her to touch his balls and his ass.

The only question left is who will pay for the marriage of Khloe Kardashian? Everyone. Everyone will pay. Or at least everyone with a subscription to OK!

You know what’s more fun than touching Fred Drust’s balls and ass? Subscribing to CelebNewsWire’s RSS feed.

After three years of marriage, Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley have split.

“She dumped him and told him she was leaving him. She wants to move on,” a source tells the new Us Weekly adding that Lavigne, 25, forced him out of their $9.5 million, 12,000-square-foot estate in L.A.’s Bel Air.  ”Divorce papers will be filed any day now.

Whibley, 29, “is crushed,” adds another insider.

And now we brace for the upcoming division of assets. Who will retain custody of Deryck’s superfluous consonants? Stay tuned.