Tag Archives: celebrity adoption
Angelina Jolie’s Thirst for Third World Babies Not Yet Sated
Angelina Jolie has been dominating tabloid covers for nigh on a month now. We’ve ignored it because Christ on a crutch, who cares. She’s a joyless, friendless weirdo who makes boring movies. And she’s probably going to add another baby to to curio cabinet of waifs. OK! magazine says:
. . . we reveal Angelina Jolie’s [...]
Go Green! Go Barren!
Here you’re worried that you keep on forgetting your reusable totes every time you head out to the farmer’s market or that you can’t fit a compost bin into your kitchen, but you’re missing the point, man. You want to go green? Lost star Evangeline Lilly has the answer for you: Just stop crapping out [...]
Katherine Heigl Kills the Adoption Trend
One thing we’ve learned from this gossip game is that people really, REALLY hate Katherine Heigl. She kind of deserves it, since she usually sounds like an ungrateful brat who wanted the white pony, goddammit Daddy, not the chestnut one. So we’re guessing that not too many people care that she’s about to be a [...]
Madonna's Malawian Mercy
We always thought it was weird that every time Angelina Jolie has adopted a new exotic child, it seems like she just floats into an orphanage, points, and the little tyke is officially a Jolie-Pitt. Maybe Angie possesses some sort of super powerful sexual venom, like a super sexy snake, that immobilizes all she encounters [...]
Jennifer Aniston Not Adopting a Baby Boy
It's been years since the whole "dumped for a gorgeous fertile humanitarian" thing, and the tabloids still haven't had any luck in finding poor, sad Jennifer Aniston a man. They've tried and tried, pairing her with every dick-wielder who comes within 200 feet of her, but no luck. She must be unlovable. So screw that [...]
Madonna is a Kind and Loving Caregiver
How does Madonna keep her terrifyingly fit physique and smooth, creaseless face? The way everyone else does in Hollywood. She births and adopts as many children as possible and then feeds on their virgin souls. The sucked-dry carcasses of Lourdes and Rocco are lying in a gelatinous heap in a basement in Beverly Hills, and [...]
Madonna Buys Another Baby
Apparently boyfriend (or maybe ex; who the f cares?) Jesus Luz didn't cure Madonna's baby lust. She's reportedly heading to Malawi to pick out a nice shiny new baby. Reports E!:
A Malawi welfare department representative says Madonna has already filed adoption papers in the country and that her adoption case could go before the courts [...]
Ashton Kutcher Adopts Pissy Attitude; Possible Baby
Baby joy! Over the moon! Bump alert! Except not that last part. Wizened crone Demi Moore and her dimple-chinned pet boy, Ashton Kutcher, are supposedly set to adopt a baby boy this year. According to the National Enquirer (via Celebitchy)
DemiÖ and Ashton are believed to be going through a private adoption agency and hope to [...]
CNW Junk Drawer: The Forbidden Dance
ï Anne Hathaway wraps her legs around costar and begs "Fuck me." Well, okay. (Mr Skin)
ï A lady got kissed to deaf. Zing! What a clever play on words! (Celebitchy)
ï Tila Tequila is ready to adopt! A baby even! Not just a new weave or a maltipoo! (CelebWarship)
ï Khloe Kardashian shows [...]
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Madonna to Become Blessed Mother Once Again
Some people collect seashells, some people collect wind-up toys from the 1950s, some people collect Garbage Pail Kids. Angelina Jolie and Madonna collect orphans. The adoption minister of Malawi has confirmed that Madge is clearing space in her curio cabinet to house another needy baby. According to our own personal Miss Hannigan, Female First:
Madonna is [...]