Rumors have been circulating throughout Hollywood and beyond on Thursday that after two babies Nicole and Joel have walked down the aisle.

One source says that Nicole and Joel, real name Joel Ryan Combs, obtained a marriage license sometime last week and married in a top secret ceremony on Wednesday.

Well, mazel tov to them. Probably. Cause we think they’re married. Though we could be wrong. God, why can’t they just put out a press release like normal celebrities? Have they learned nothing about the proper way to conduct their lives from the Kardashians?

Marry us. Or just be our pal on Facebook.

Jaime’s happy day was balanced out by the heartbreak of a lesser celebrity. Way lesser. Emmy Rossum is no longer a Sadie, Sadie, married lady. We’d love to give you details on this split, but we’re too confused trying to remember who Emmy Rossum is. When we first read the story, we thought, “Emma Roberts is getting divorced? Isn’t she like 15?” But no. Emmy is someone else. She might be in movies, we think. Or sing maybe? Although our best guess is that she’s actually grown-up Vicki the Robot who shows up on every red carpet and smiles a lot until she needs to be recharged. That seems the sensible answer.

Also wed this weekend was Claire Danes, who no longer has a very fancy fiance now that she’s married to Hugh Dancy. Do you think there was lots of fancy dancing at the ceremony? Or do you think Dancy was nervous and had antsies in his pantsies for the whole thing to be done with?

Also calling it quits were Fred Durst and some pretty lady, who were married for a whopping three months. Our guess is that it took Esther those three months to figure out the YouTubes and find the “Nookie” video. Either that, or he asked her to touch his balls and his ass.

The only question left is who will pay for the marriage of Khloe Kardashian? Everyone. Everyone will pay. Or at least everyone with a subscription to OK!

You know what’s more fun than touching Fred Drust’s balls and ass? Subscribing to CelebNewsWire’s RSS feed.

There’s talk that Sunday’s wedding might not be the real deal — it could be a non-binding ceremony. It’s common with a postnup that bride and groom would not officially tie the knot until after they sign the document. What they typically do sign before the ceremony is an acknowledgment that it’s not really an official wedding, to prevent misunderstandings down the road.

And speaking of problems … we’re told lawyers for Odom and Kardashian are already arguing and hitting road blocks.

What are those fights like? Does Khloe’s lawyer say to Lamar’s lawyer, “Malibu? But Khloe told me Lamar lived in Silver Lake. Hmmm, maybe that was the guy she was dating five weeks ago. She still gets confused. If she calls Lamar Dave once in a while, don’t be concerned.”

Looks like we’ve found someone who can keep up with those Kardashians: Lamar Odom.

Khloé Kardashian and NBA beau aren’t just talking about tying the knot—they’re actually doing it…this coming Sunday! Sources confirm the date to E! News and claim that most guests (but apparently not some of his Los Angeles Lakers teammates) have already been notified over the phone, with formal invites expected to arrive later this week.

The pair met over the summer, and Khloé confirmed the romance on Sept. 4. E! News was the first to break the news of the couple’s pending engagement last week.

Aw, looks like someone needs a little attention because everyone’s fussing over Sissy’s illegitimate fetus. No matter, at least we can welcome the funniest celebrity couple nickname in quite a while: Khlodom! Excelsior!

Zooey Deschanel, 29, and Death Cab for Cutie singer Ben Gibbard, 33, tied the knot Saturday night near Seattle, her rep tells PEOPLE.

The couple got engaged last year when Gibbard presented Deschanel with a three-carat diamond and platinum Neil Lane ring, a source told PEOPLE at the time.

Here’s betting their ceremony looked like an Anthropologie catalog. Lots of people in expensive dresses traipsing through a field with antique croquet mallets, pausing to nibble lavender-honey petit-fours and sip elderberry sherry out of snifters made from beach glass.

*He’s not really fat. He just has a fat guy head.

Milla Jovovich wed Paul Anderson at their Beverly Hills home Saturday night, Usmagazine.com has confirmed.

Guests, including Patrick Dempsey, began arriving at 4:30 p.m. to the sound of Spanish flamenco music. The 20-minute ceremony began at 5:30 p.m.

The model-actress and her husband, a director, are parents to 20-month-old daughter Ever Gabo, who wore a ballerina tutu.

Thanks for that riveting minute-by-minute account, US. Milla wore a flowing white gown, a veil, and flowers tucked into her long, wavy hair. Paul wore a full body suit he made from skinning Todd Rundgren and wearing his flesh.