First up, Gisele Bundchen. According to People:

Gisele Bundchen is expecting and ìecstatic,î sources tell PEOPLE. She is due early next year. Speculation has grown since pictures showing the supermodel in Brazil this week surfaced showing what seems to be a perceptible bump.

Yeah, we don't know. The above picture was supposedly taken this weekend at a Pantene event and maybe that's a "perceptible bump" in Supermodeltown, but it looks to us like you could chop tomatoes on that stomach.

Someone we can very easily imagine chopping various and sundry vegetables on his gut is Matthew McConaughey, who is expecting baby part 2 with girlfriend Camila Alves for real. He blogged:

"We have more blessed news to celebrate this Father's Day that [will] make this time next year double the fun. Levi is going to be a big brother… Camila and I are expecting our second child, bringing more life into the world, making more to live for. Viva la evolucion, naturally, and in the mean times and all time, just keep livin."

We love that McConaughey has embraced the corny catchphrase of his defining role and made it part of him. Which is more than we can say for Bronson Pinchot, who refused to do the Dance of Joy even after we offered him 2 dollars and half a pack of Chewels.

ï “Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music.”
ï “We ended up having an epidural because, on the large contractions, the umbilical cord was being compressed. They went in and tried the vacuum. This is where I learned ó and no one tells you this ó but having a baby is a bloody, pukey, sweaty, primeval thing! And I mean that as a beautiful thing. It is wild. But the vacuum didn’t work, and the doctor said, ‘C-section.’”
ï “I said, ‘Come here, little man. I saw the pecker and screamed that we’d been right all along about him being a boy. Then I brought him over to her [Camila].’”

The one thing we think when we encounter interviews with Matthew McConaughey is, “Why can’t he be more open? He’s just so guarded.” We’re guessing the full OK! interview holds a description of what a dilated vagina looks like close up.

And just because we can, here’s the trailer for Matthew’s upcoming cinematic masterpiece Surfer, Dude. We think Matt, Woody Harrelson, and Willie Nelson probably got together one day to concoct a way to make the moviegoing experience truly special by constructing each movie ticket entirely out of weed. But someone probably pulled out the bong before this theatrical marvel could be fully planned out. What a loss.

Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves welcomed their first child into the world Monday afternoon in Los Angeles. Alves gave birth to the as-yet-unnamed baby at 6:22 p.m. local time weighing 7 lb., 4 oz.

The baby was reportedly born with sweet abs, wearing Jamz. In lieu of stogies, McCon passed around an "It's a boy!' gravity bong.

UPDATE: The little dude has a name. Mac and Camila released the following statement:

"We welcome Levi Alves McConaughey into this wonderful life and look forward to living in it with him. In the mean time and all times, just keep livin'."

óMatthew David McConaughey and Camila Maria Saraiva de Araujo Alves

And now we know: What to Expect When You're Expecting does not have a chapter on not using your movie character's catchphrases in your baby's birth announcement.

Tip No. 1 from Matthew McConaughey's guide for fathers-to-be: Don't let your lady's pregnancy stop you from partying down with other ladies.

Never mind that his Brazilian model girlfriend, Camila Alves, is due to give birth next month. A mighty thirsty McConaughey had to be helped out of a Nicaraguan bar the other night after dancing with an assortment of babes, says a witness.

The "Sahara" star headed there to surf, but ended up on June 6 at a cantina called the Iguana in San Juan Del Sur. Perhaps his wave-riding left him exhausted. McConaughey was said to have been seen later resting in a ditch.

Recharged, McConaughey was back at the Iguana the next night for more fun. A female patron, who gave her name as Amber Poe, says he laid his considerable charm on her and her roommate ó but lost his cool when he couldn't find his flip-flops. "He stood on a table, screaming in broken Spanish, ëI've lost my flip-flops,'" says Poe.

When he realized one lady was taking pictures of his antics, a heavy-lidded McConaughey grabbed her camera, says Poe. Later, she says, he tried to kiss her.

McConaughey denies any untoward advances but admits imbibing. "Drunk?" he told us via e-mail. "Absolutely. Nicaragua is a beautiful place, epic waves, the best surfing I have ever been on. And yes, I'm STILL looking for my left flip-flop. So if anyone finds it floating around down there (it has 6:22 stitched into the side), please send it my way. There is a reward."

We are furiously researching Matteo's shoe size and trying to figure out how to stitch into rubber, because we just KNOW that Matthew's idea of a reward is letting you sit in on his naked bongo session and passing the doobie every couple of minutes. Which we'd definitely take over a crisp twenty any day.

And in case Matthew's missing-flip-flop reward isn't enough for you, Star magazine gets into flirting details, complete with drunken pics.

At least someone cares enough to pay cold hard cash for pregnant bride Ashlee Simpson's wedding pics!

Sources tell us People mag is shelling out "well over" one milllll-ion dollars (yes, as in seven figures) for pictures of Ash and guylinered Pete Wentz. That's probably more than she's made — total — from her "singing."

For their part, the mag says, "We're thrilled that celebrities continue to choose PEOPLE as the place to share their most intimate photos. We do not comment on specifics of any deals."

That's a lot of money to see some guy in a ripped up hoodie and skinny jeans mumble "Yeah sure" in response to "Do you take this woman . . . "

Also raking in the big bucks for doing a whole bunch of nothing: Matthew McConaughey. TMZ again:

Matthew McConaughey and baby mama Camila Alves are busy doing what all expectant parents do — fielding million dollar offers for pictures of their kid!

TMZ has learned that McConaughey has hired "brand agent" Todd Shemarya — who's already brokered deals for Brangelina and Xtina — to help pull in some serious dough for photos of his child. So far, Mattyboy's gotten offers from three different publications — EACH OVER A MILLION BUCKS! And the price is still climbing.

No word if the baby is a boy or girl — but either way it's gonna be a cash cow. What happened to the bongo drumming, "just keep living" McConaughey we all knew and loved? Guess he's got to find some way to keep paying for all those shirts — ya know, the ones he never wears.

The propmaster for the photo shoot may have her work cut out for her, as we're sure little Bud McC will have a toothbrush in one hand and a tallboy in the other. It will be so precious to see how much the little one takes after Daddy.

Matthew McConaughey wants to name his unborn son after his favourite beer.

The 'Fool's Gold' star – who is expecting his first baby with girlfriend Camila Alves – is planning to pay tribute to his beloved alcoholic beverage, just like his brother.

A source close to the actor said: "Matthew's older brother Michael named his second son Miller Lyte because he loved the beer so much. And Matthew loved the name so much he really wants to name his son after his favourite beer. He is thinking of going for Bud after Budweiser beer."

However, Brazilian model Camila is less than impressed with his choice of name.

The source added: "Camila is pretty old-fashioned. She hates the name and won't let Matthew push her into this."

Miller f'ing Lyte? Seriously? Not Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, or Bartles Jaymes? After that, Matthew's suggestion of Bud seems a bit lame. But ultimately we're disappointed that Matteo has overlooked some of the best baby-naming possibilities. Why not J.K. Livin' McConaughey? Or for a real mindblower, why not Bong O. McConaughey? It works on so many levels and brings Matthew's two true loves together in nomenclatural form.

"Got some blessed news…a celebration of life and bounty…a newborn conceived…yes, my girlfriend Camila and I made a baby together…it's 3 months growin in her womb and all looks healthy and lively so far…we are stoked and wowed by this miracle of creation and this gift from God, and so excited for the adventure that will come in raising this child, being a mother and a father, and sheparding him or her through this life……from moms and dads, to family, to community, it takes the best will and support from everyone to raise the healthiest children we have in society…..thanks for bein fans of me and my work and now this new and miraculous chapter in my life, as me and camila and our child do our best to just keep livin….wow, mcconaughey"

Wow, indeed. But that's our Matthew. He just keeps livin. L-I-V-I-N. This news almost made us forget about that weird threeway he had going with Lance Armstrong and Jake Gyllenhaal. We are definitely ready to see him use his masculine wiles to steal Kate Hudson's heart in his upcoming film, Fool's Gold. In theaters everywhere February 8th, 2008. Check local listings.

On the other side of the masculine scale (that would be the short, dumpy, womaninzing side), David Spade has also knocked up a female. TMZ reports:

TMZ has learned that a 22-year-old Playboy Playmate is claiming that David Spade is the father of her unborn child. Holy Jamie Lynn!

Jillian Grace, Miss March 2005, is alleging that she had a relationship with the comedian, resulting in her becoming pregnant. Grace was discovered by Playboy after posing for test shots on the Howard Stern show.

Spade tells TMZ, "I had a brief relationship with Jillian Grace. If it is true that I am the father of her child, then I will accept responsibility."

We've never understood how David Spade continually lands super hot ladies. He originated the "____ called. They want their ____ back" joke, which should be cause enough for life-long forced celibacy. Plus, he's David Spade. The only thing we can come up with is that his dick must be as tall as he is.

Gwynnie's mystery trip to the ER may have been due to a problem with a festering fetus. The New York Daily News reports:

Did a pregnancy complication put Gwyneth Paltrow in the hospital?

Husband Chris Martin was seen pushing the Oscar winner into Mount Sinai Medical Center here Monday.

"They looked very serious," a witness tells us. "She looked upset. They went right past everyone and into the elevator. It seemed like they were expected."

Paltrow's rep, Stephen Huvane, declined to discuss what was wrong with the actress, who last year underwent knee surgery. "She's fine," said Huvane, adding that Paltrow had returned home.

But our spy did report that Martin and Paltrow entered Mount Sinai's maternity wing, the Klingenstein Pavilion.

Last August, Paltrow, 35, told an interviewer she and Martin wanted to expand their family, which now has daughter Apple, 3, and son Moses, 1. While Martin wanted to adopt, she said she was open to having "two [babies] in a row, really quick again."

Huvane called speculation about a troubled pregnancy "guesswork at best. This is a private matter not for public consumption."

We guess that shoots our theory to hell. After all, sense of humor implantation is usually relegated to the plastic surgery ward.

Is it possible that international vibrator spokesperson Eva Longoria has a different small, quivering object in her poot shoot? Pagesix.com says they spy a mighty baby bump, but Eva counters that she's just filled to the brim with enchiladas.

"No pregnancy, not yet. I've been cooking and eating, cooking and eating. I keep telling everyone that I've gained 10 pounds just being on strike."

Maybe if the strike continues Eva will balloon to 250 pounds, making her unemployable and therefore unable to further denigrate the careers of perfectly lovable actors like Paul Rudd. Why, Paul Rudd, why?

And, finally, Britney says, "Look at me! Look at me!" by perusing the home-pregnancy-test aisle. Why not, right? She's already tried the failsafe attention getters of teens everywhere–pink hair, head shaving, and public nudity. Plus, Brit really wants to do her part to make Jamie Lynn look sweet and innocent and normal again. And "bipolar barely clothed sister who has no legal right to see her existing children gets knocked up by married stalkerazzi boyfriend" trumps "16-year-old with child" any day.