ìEvery time a relationship ends, I say, ëIf I could just be Angelinaís girlfriend, I would be so happy.íî

Soooo that's supposed to make us want to go see Transformers 2? Like, "Honestly, I had no interest in paying $10.50 to sit in a theater full of whining children and cell phone talkers to see a bunch of CGI robots talk to Shia the Beef but now that Megan Fox says she likes Angelina Jolie, SIGN ME UP!"

Megan Fox clam lips, on the other hand, could probably entice us into watching anything. Even that new Lars von Trier movie with the testicle-smashing, or Madea Goes to Big Lots.

ï Nicole Richie allegedly kicks Joel Madden to the curb. Joel responds by kicking it to Mischa Barton. (Yeeeah!)

ï Elle MacPherson named the greatest model of all time. Janice Dickinson is somewhere guzzling Drano right now. (Daily Stab)

ï Hilary Swank was hospitalized to remove a "small benign growth". Her penis, right? (Celebitchy)

ï Ryan O'Neal and his son Redmond bond. By getting busted for meth together. This makes Tatum's bust look kind of classy.(Derek Hail)

ï Joe Francis opens his douche-hole to say he thinks Lohan is straight and just going through a phase. Who wouldn't give up men after screwing Joe Francis? (CelebWarship)

ï 15-year-old Miley Cyrus has a boyfriend. He's 20. And an underwear model. This should be good. (Hollywood Grind)

ï Do you have the balls to . . . name that celebrity cameltoe? (Cityrag)

ï Shauna Sand wears a see-through dress to match her see-through shoes. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï And speaking of Megan Fox, her former(?) fiance Brian Austin Green denies the breakup rumors, says the couple are "solid". Solid as a rock? So nothing's changed it? And what you're saying is that the feeling's still hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hot? (PopCrunch)

ï The first look at Jamie Lynn Spears's little baby, Maddie Briann. Maddie's next OK! cover: in thirteen years, when she marries cousin Sean Preston in a romantic toothless ceremony in Louisiana. (Dlisted)

ï David Lee Roth choked on some nuts. (TMZ)

ï Dane Cook is a shitty neighbor, literally. (Celebitchy)

ï Robert Rodriguez traded his wife in for Rose McGowan, and is now trading Rose McGowan for Kat Dennings. Next up: he trades Kat Dennings for Abigail Breslin. (Defamer)

ï Jennifer Lopez in a bikini. Post-twins, her abs are still flatter than yours, and her ass is still bigger than the sun. (Flisted)

ï Lilo and SamRo ride the pink caterpillar at Disneyland. Ohhhh yeaaaaah. (Holy Taco)

ï See Jaime Pressly in a bikini and you'll be nothin' but a horn dog. Eh? Yes? No? Bah. (IDLYITW)

ï New Paris Hilton TV show in the works. And no, sadly, it's not a Fear Factor type show involving a rocket sending her to the surface of the moon to see how long she can hold her breath. (Hollywire)

ï MrSkin.com scores the first ever interview with Christian Landers, the dude behind the high-larious StuffWhitePeopleLike.com! (Mr. Skin)

ï Madonna claims that her marriage is ripe with "erotica". Excellent way to work your song title in there, Madge. Was your wedding La Isla Bonita? (Female Foist)

ï Kate Moss sans the clammy, crackulous influence of Pete Doherty = foxy. (Cityrag)

ï Awwww. Carmen Electra has found herself another funny little eyeliner-wearing alternarocker to love. (Daily Stab)

ï Sophie Monk's religious last name belies the deep cleave of her camel toe. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Renee Zellweger attended a screening of Leatherheads donning a leathered face. Sorry, Renee. You seem like a nice lady, you just make it so easy. (Allie Is Wired)

ï Sorry, boys! Looks like that hot slice of preggo jailbait Jamie Lynn Spears is off the market! (The Blemish)

ï I'm a Pepper, you're a Pepper, he's a Pepper, Axl Rose is a Pepper. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)