That said, here goes:
"Purple Megan Fox says she's polyamorous with Brian Austin Green. Megan recently snorkeled to interviewers about her love for Ragu enemas and NASCAR rallies. Although Megan is extremely fibrous and scaly and is considered to be the most moth-eaten colostomy bag in the world, she refers to herself as Spencer Pratt. Here is Megan at a movie premiere in a sexy athletic sock showing off her amazing mandibular foramen." See, that worked perfectly.

ï Holly Madison will be replacing an injured Jewel on Dancing with the Stars. Because to find someone to fill Jewel's shoes, they needed someone with similarly large chugs. (Daily Stab)

ï So maybe Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green aren't really broken up after all. Because, apparently, she's "addicted" to his ding dong. Here, have a bucket for that retching. There ya go. (Yeeeah!)

ï Ashlee Simpson brings Bronx Mowgli out into the urban jungle. Hahahaha, get it? (CelebWarship)

ï Miley Cyrus admits she underwent harrowing bullying at school. Then she came home and jumped in her swimming pool full of mink stoles and had the Hope Diamond for dinner. (Wesbster's Is My Bitch)

ï Kanye West's new beard girlfriend, Amber Rose, is frankly quite hot. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï James Franco got a book deal. Okay. (Celebitchy)

ï Hollywood dudes who wear too much makeup. Hahahaha! Look at you! Nice mascara, pansy! Bwahahaha! (Bitten and Bound)

ï Phil Collins has retired from music to collect artifacts from the Alamo. Because he can. (Holy Moly)

Megan Fox and fiance Brian Austin Green have split, Usmagazine.com has learned.

ìThe relationship had run its course,î an insider tells Us exclusively. ìItís completely amicable, and they are remaining friends.î

Fox, 22 (whoíll reprise her role as Mikaela in this Juneís sequel Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen), and Green, 35 (a regular on Foxís Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles), now ìare both focusing on their careers,î the source adds.

The couple ó who have tattoos of each otherís names ó met in 2004 and, as Us first reported, got engaged in November 2006.

That raises an interesting question. When you have "Brian" tattooed on your vagina and you break up with said "Brian", what do you get it changed to?

A. "Brian McKnight Rocks"
B. "Briang it on, baby"
C. "We will all laugh at gilded butterflies, Brian"
D. Grateful bears

ï A plane carrying Winona Ryder was forced to make an emergency landing, presumably because she was all zorked out on goofballs. (Yeeeah!)

ï Homoeroticism on the Twilight set. Rawr! (Hollywire)

ï Despite her unending, ultra-desirable heat, Megan Fox is still planning to marry David Silver. (Daily Stab)

ï Anne Hathaway has a new boyfriend, and he's apparently as big a loser moocher as the one that's in jail. (Anything Hollywood)

ï Aw. Someone for everyone. (Holy Taco)

ï Supermodel Karolina Kurkova has no navel. Like Kyle XY. (Flisted)

ï Girl meets girl. Girl gets girl. Girl flirts with boy at club. Girl on girl catfight ensues. It's another day in the tangled, demi-gay web of Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. (The Blemish)

ï The top ten naked babes with guns. (Mr Skin)

ï Spitzer prostitute Ashley Dupre is just like you and me, except for the money for sex part. (Fatback)

I donít understand why theyíre so scandalous. When they first came out, it was like, Megan Fox was giving Brian a blow job in pubóI mean, uhóa hand job in public. First: Who gives hand jobs? Whoís given a hand job since seventh grade? Not me. And who does it at a cafÈ on a public street? I touch him all the time. Itís just like, if you have a girlfriend, you grab her butt or whatever. Thatís all it was, but it became a big deal. I donít know why. For me, touching Brianís dick for two secondsóthatís not part of our sex life. Thatís me playing around; you know, you just cup it a little. For a few seconds.

But if she had jerked off BAG under the table, girl would be talking about it, as she has vowed that she will always be honest about her nasty nookie habits, saying:

Sex is something that everyone does, so why can't I talk about it?

You know what else she's honest about? Snogging girls. Hot Russian stripper girls, one of whom she dated when she was 18.

Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided – oh man, sorry, mommy! – that I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop.

I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita.

Look, I'm not a lesbian. I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl – Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She's mesmerising. And lately I've been obsessed with Jenna Jameson, but … oh boy.

OK, OK, OK. You win, Megan Fox. You are goddamn super-duper groin-crunchingly hot. Are you happy now? Is this what you wanted? To make us waste days upon days imagining you and Olivia Wilde engaged in hot, sweaty lesbian sex? Because we're willing to do that if it will make you happy. We just love you that much.

Continue the sexy by scoping out Megan Fox at MrSkin.com.

Megan Fox has fiance Brian Austin Green on such a short leash that sheís forced him to give up his best friend – his beloved dog Macy!

ìMegan claimed she felt threatened by Macy, but that dog was a sweetheart. She wouldnít hurt a fly,î divulged an insider.

ìBrian adored Macy and refused to give her up for the longest time, but Megan nagged him about it until he finally gave in. He was crushed.î

[Brian] adopted 3-year-old Macy, a mastiff-pit bull mix, when she was 3 months old – around the same time he and Megan, 22, began living together, according to sources.

After adopting the dog, 35 year-old Brian enrolled her in rigorous training courses at the Hollywood Dog Training SchoolÖ

ìMacy was really mellow and well-behaved,î the source added. ìWhenever Brian went out of town heíd board Macy at the training school.

ìThe trainers were shocked when Brianís assistant came in one day and said Brian was being forced to give Macy up for adoption because Megan didnít get along with her.î

Right after Brian gave Macy up for adoption, Megan adopted two tiny dogs.

We're pretty sure BAG would cut off his own nads with a pair of pinking shears if Megan asked him to, so this doesn't surprise us. What does surprise us? We won't see even a sliver of Megan's maracas in the upcoming flick Jennifer's Body, as that pasties-and-flesh-colored-panties scene so lovingly captured by the paps a few months ago has been cut. Also cut? Men's nads. From their bodies. With pinking shears. At least that's what it feels like knowing Megan Fox naked is now even farther out of reach.


See Megan Fox at her sexiest at MrSkin.com.

ï And speaking of Megan Fox, her former(?) fiance Brian Austin Green denies the breakup rumors, says the couple are "solid". Solid as a rock? So nothing's changed it? And what you're saying is that the feeling's still hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hot? (PopCrunch)

ï The first look at Jamie Lynn Spears's little baby, Maddie Briann. Maddie's next OK! cover: in thirteen years, when she marries cousin Sean Preston in a romantic toothless ceremony in Louisiana. (Dlisted)

ï David Lee Roth choked on some nuts. (TMZ)

ï Dane Cook is a shitty neighbor, literally. (Celebitchy)

ï Robert Rodriguez traded his wife in for Rose McGowan, and is now trading Rose McGowan for Kat Dennings. Next up: he trades Kat Dennings for Abigail Breslin. (Defamer)

ï Jennifer Lopez in a bikini. Post-twins, her abs are still flatter than yours, and her ass is still bigger than the sun. (Flisted)

ï Lilo and SamRo ride the pink caterpillar at Disneyland. Ohhhh yeaaaaah. (Holy Taco)

ï See Jaime Pressly in a bikini and you'll be nothin' but a horn dog. Eh? Yes? No? Bah. (IDLYITW)

ï New Paris Hilton TV show in the works. And no, sadly, it's not a Fear Factor type show involving a rocket sending her to the surface of the moon to see how long she can hold her breath. (Hollywire)

TRANSFORMERS star MEGAN FOX has reportedly called off her engagement to actor fiance BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN.

Sources claim the pretty brunette, 22, sent business associates correspondence last week (beg23Jun08) alerting them to the sad news.

An insider says, "Megan still cares about Brian, but she now realises she's too young to marry him."

This girl's got brains! We see her career going in a whole new direction now. And we don't mean that whole next-Angelina-Jolie thing she's being saddled with. We see her more filling the shoes of recently-departed-from-television Montel Williams. She would be the perfect person to say, "Honey, get rid of him, he's a loser. Your next boyfriend needs to have three things: 1) a job, 2) a lock on the liquor cabinet, and 3) a full set of teeth." Although we're not sure if she has any experience administering paternity tests, so maybe that career path isn't a well-thought-out option.


Megan is foxy at MrSkin.com.

An insider on the set of Megan's movie Jennifer's Body says that the 22-year-old didn't act like she was taken. "I've never seen her wearing an engagement ring. I actually thought she and Adam Brody, who's also in the movie, were dating. They were very flirty with each other and were always hanging out together when they weren't working." But her good pal, actress Jennifer Blanc, tells Star that despite her leaving the rock at home, Megan is indeed still engaged. "She does wear it sometimes," insists Jennifer. "I've never asked her why she doesn't always put it on."

Brian Austin Green aka David Silver. Adam Brody aka Seth Cohen. Sounds like old Megan has a type: resident dork on FOX show. Well hell, Meg, if we had known that we would have shown up to your house in costume as that wheelchair kid from Malcolm in the Middle ages ago.

See Megan's Fox-iness at MrSkin.com.

At approximately 2:00pm at Daily grill in Studio City 90210 ex-star Brian Austin Green was dining with a male friend on the patio.

Our sources, who were seated at the next table, overheard an emotional Green ranting for over a hour about his troubled relationship with actress Megan Fox, who rocketed to stardom after last year's mega-hit blockbuster movie Transformers.

He began comparing Megan to the girl that he had been going out with before her who he'd broken up with for Fox, saying that Fox is behaving just like her. Apparently, the 21-year-old Transformer star is extremely set in her ways. The entire relationship was based on her terms, beginning with a "white board," upon which the pair would document the amount of time allotted to their relationship, family, and work. Green strove to maintain a fifty percent balance between time spent each other, and time spent apart. Fox, however, would sneak behind his back and erase planned dates with Green in order to have more time away from him. In fact, she would regularly cancel plans at the last moment, often by text. Throughout their turbulent relationship, Fox would threaten to get her lawyer involved in their disputes, while Green expressed his shock to his friend as he has never had a personal attorney in his "entire" life. He complained animatedly about how "unfair" their relationship was.

The obviously heart-broken Green went on to say that the young actress and budding star could never sit still and couldn't stand silence yet would moon in bed all day when they had a fight.

After ragging on Fox for close to an hour, the two men realized that the people at the table next to them might have overheard everything they said. Green seemed nervous and his friend asked the other diners if they had been eavesdropping because "that would be really bad." Looks like Fox has finally moved on!

God, she's sounds like a pill. Does she draw up a pre-sex diagram, complete with second-by-second instructions regarding how often he has to tweak her nipples and how many thrusts he has to complete before he can finish?