“hahaha x17online posted photos of NOT ME inside someone’s bathroom…
All negativity & bad karma..nice try though kids-u should do a deal with michael lohan sr a match made in heaven! perfect, he’s religious!”

There are pictures, dopey. It’s you. Blaming an invisible moppet named Not Me didn’t work for Dolly and Jeffy and it’s not working for you.

On our Facebook page, we have an extensive photo gallery of Lilo eating her hand.

ï Samantha Ronson blows a load all over Lindsay Lohan. Load, kiss, same thing. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï If Tom Cruise had a comic book. (Holy Taco)

ï Model Miranda Kerr dumps Orlando Bloom for Brandon "Firecrotch!" Davis. Trading a eunuch elf for Fat Elvis? That's kind of a lateral move. (Yeeeah!)

ï Sarah Jessica Parker gets her chin goober removed; now will only be mistaken for Lemmy Kilmeister 50% of the time. (Cityrag)

ï Don't tase me, (Josh) bro(lin)! (The Blemish)

ï Katy Perry wants to kiss a girl. A girl named Miley Cyrus. And we liked it. (Hollywire)

ï Kristin Chenoweth is charming, funny, and has colossal gazongas. (Fatback)

ï Vanessa Hudgens straddles Zac Efron on the beach. She's thinking sex, he's thinking "stop smudging my bronzer." (F-listed)

ï Reggie Bush desires less tush from girlfriend Kim Kardashian. He also hates America, freedom, petting puppies, and ice cream. (Celebitchy)

ï Bret Michaels and Ambre Lake have ended their "relationship". Now Bret can spend more time with his hair and the finest European extensions money can buy. (Celeb Warship)

ï Emmy nominations released; Katherine Heigl's wish comes true when she gets zilch. (Bitten and Bound)

ï In case you were wondering if Pam Anderson's nipples were still inching their way towards her armpits, the answer is a resounding yes! (Taxi Driver)

ï Abigail Clancy: dumpy name, glamorous naked boobs in a bikini. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Despite her assertions to the contrary, Jessica Alba is most definitely shopping around pics of her baby. (Cityrag)

ï Awwww. Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, happy and hugging. Not as exciting as groaning and fingerblasting, but we make do with what we're given. (Yeeeah!)

ï Sienna Miller enjoys sleeping with . . . . . . . . . . . Heath Ledger's pajamas. (CelebWarship)

ï Heather Locklear throws some gang signs. Yo yo yo, northeast siiiiiide, Bev Hills, dis ya girl Heathuh! Brentwoooooood! Respect! (The Blemish)

ï Paul Newman has lung cancer. Noooooooooooooooooooooooo. (Hollywire)

ï Elizabeth Hurley continues to dress her son like he's Little Lord Fauntleroy. (Allie Is Wired)

ï Does Christina Aguilera have her eye on another, nonsimian man? (Hollyscoop)

ï Firecrotch-spouter Brandon Davis has gone from Fat Elvis to slightly less fat Elvis. (Faded Youth)

ï Even when you take away her hand-held communication devices and remove her from the vicinity of assistants, Naomi Campbell will come out swinging and hissing and–yes–spitting. (Yeeeah!)

ï Brandon Davis, alias "Greasy Bear", aka "Fat Elvis", is no longer anti-Firecrotch. He's decided he hates black people and gays way more. (TMZ)

ï Angelina Jolie at a nubile sixteen! Before the blood, the Brad, the Billy Bob, the babies there was . . . really unflattering 1990s bathing suits with curious sheer cut-outs? (Egotastic)

ï Mena Suvari's crapper is delectable in a thong. Do we mean "butt" or "toilet"? Click here to find out the shocking answer! (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Anne Hathaway's boyfriend was arrested for bouncing a $250,000 check. Aw, that could happen to anyone. Oh, wait, we though that said "$2.50 check". (Celeb Warship)

ï Who wears assless shorts? Gisele Bundchen wears assless shorts. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï I got fingered by Megan Fox (and it felt like a kiss). (Hollywood Tuna)

ï Lucky Kristen Bell gets to pose on the cover of Cosmopolitan next to the blurb "When Your Boobs Act Weird". (Daily Stab)

ï Jerry Seinfeld flipped his car. He's OK though, so we can all have a hearty guffaw or whatever. (Holy Taco)

ï Cameron Diaz is looking very Amazonian in GQ. (Bitten and Bound)

ï Tom Cruise takes Suri to the playground. Not to play, though. To have a series discussion about SPs and OC Clears. (A Socialite's Life)

BRANDON "Greasy Bear" Davis is so unpopular, even his friends don't want to be associated with him. The oil-heir grandson of the late Marvin Davis showed up to the Details magazine party March 29th at producer Mary Parent's house in Hollywood and became enraged when he was denied access. According to our spy, "he started demanding that staffers get Stavros [Niarchos]." The Greek shipping heir had evidently told Davis about the party and was already inside. But when staffers found Niarchos, he begged them to tell Davis that he wasn't there, adding, "I didn't invite him here, and I don't really want to be around him." Niarchos then joined the other revelers. Davis eventually made such a fuss that he was allowed in – and Niarchos beelined to a Details editor to apologize, adding, "You know I would never bring him here."

The rest of Stamos's pleading proceeded thusly, "Please, Mister, don't get mad; it's not my fault. He followed me here, I swear. I tried to get rid of him, turned down dark alleys and ducked behind mailboxes, but he has a superhuman sense for the smell of Paris Hilton. He can smell it from miles away, and even though I haven't touched her in months I just can't get the stench to go away. If you invite me to your next party I promise to bathe in tomato juice and CK1 to rid the stink and lose the bear."

Brandon crossed paths with Abdul at Paris Hilton's recent Los Angeles birthday party, where his behavior caused her to flee.

"He was mocking her," says a witness. "He kept on saying her last name over and over again, and then would insert his made-up version of an Arabic language. He was being very lewd and graphic and making sexual overtures to her in between being completely insulting."

We're all for making fun of Paula Abdul. In fact, our water-cooler impression of Paula slurring, "I'vvve nesvvver beeeen drissssunk," kills every day at 1:00 and 4:00. But at least make fun of her frightening, Tori Spelling-like boob chasm, not her ethnicity. Also, what's next, Brandon? A tirade about Fred Durst being fat and greasy and proof that humans are at heart disgusting and vile creatures?

Paris and her posse had a birthday meal at The Prime Grill in Beverly Hills, with party guests including Wrong-Way Nicole Richie and tatty boyfriend Joel Madden, a fuzz-lined Courtney Love, Brandon "Greasy Bear" Davis and wacky "American Idol" judge Paula Abdul. At around the 10:00 PM mark, according to Rush & Molloy, Greasy Bear got rowdy — throwing flowers at Abdul, yelling "lick my [bleep]!" and telling Courtney Love "I want to squirt on you." Oh, the horror!

After ushering Abdul out of the party — it appears she left early due to Greasy's antics — Hilton publicist Elliot Mintz was seen talking to Davis, then mumbling, "It's going to be a very long evening" to TMZ's cameras, clearly aggravated.

Though Paris reportedly cried after the outburst, she appeared to be back in the party mood as she arrived to Chez Paris for the after-party. Courtney and Paula were no-shows, but Greasy pushed his sweaty luck and showed up — though a security detail kept him separated from Paris for the rest of the evening.

The events didn't quash the friendship between the the blonde heiress and hyperhidrotic heir, as they were seen partying together again last night.

And now it's time to play "What did Greasy Bear invite Paula Abdul to lick?" Probability tells us to go with "balls," but we feel that Greasy Bear has a little more imagination than that. That's what a frat boy yells at you as he speeds by in his Jeep yelling "Whooooo!" Brandon coined Firecrotch. So what did Greasy Bear invite Paula Abdul to lick? His anus hair? His poop projector? His jizz cannon? Tough call, that one.

Mollygood has more pictures of Paris's semi-daily birthday celebration.

Celebrate Paris's birthday (suit) at MrSkin.com.

Paris is very protective over her men and she didnít want Britney getting too close.

Paris may have worried about her two chums hitting it off, but we don't think she had much cause for concern. While Britney and Brandon may have tried to get close through clandestine bathroom sex, we're guessing they didn't have much success. All that polished tile, all that sweat and body grease and leaked breast milk, it was probably more like a hot day on a Slip 'N' Slide than anything seen in a Jenna Jameson video.

See Britney minus Greasy Bear at MrSkin.com.

And of course Paris is there too. Naked.

ìOne partier told us: Brandon and Nicky decided to run around and call everyone a ëloserí or ëwhoreí – like the way other people call each other ísweetyí or ëhoneyí. î Connolly didnít like either word and when the oil heir wouldnít stop, Connolly ìsmacked him.î Davis, grandson of the late oil billionaire Marvin Davis, shrieked and cursed insults, prompting Connolly to ìpunch him in the face two times.î

And then Connolly received accolades and high-fives all around from main bros Drama, Vince, and Turtle, and the strains of a hip new song by rapper Saigon swelled, the foursome threw their arms around each other and pledged their allegiance to one another against the beautiful L.A. sunset, in a completely and totally non-homoerotic fashion.