THEREíS not a week that goes past without a new LINDSAY LOHAN sex story ñ and in the latest sheís gone back to men.

BOBBY BROWNíS son BRANDON is claiming that he got intimate with the actress in a TOILET.

Apparently Lindsay ñ who most recently has been seen cosying up to female DJ SAMANTHA RONSON ñ couldnít resist the reality TV starís charms.

He boasts: ìMe and Lindsay got really, really close.

ìShe followed me to the bathroom during a private party, and, well, we basically got together.

ìI think she knew who I was when she first saw me.

ìWe were just staring at each other and she walked by. I walked into the bathroom and she followed me in.î

Unsurprisingly things didnít work out, although Brandon says: ìI'm actually trying to get back in touch with her ñ really soon.î

Hmmmmm. ìI think she knew who I was when she first saw me." We're going to call bullshit on that one, as The Sun didn't even know who he was. Bobby Brown doesn't have a son named Brandon. It's Landon. Sure, he's technically a "reality TV star" as The Sun claims, having appeared on Rock the Cradle, but when you're outshone by castmates Chloe "I only look like I was just punched in the face" Lattanzi and Lil B. Sure!, that's not saying much about your powers to be recognized by A-listers. Plus, we highly doubt Lohan watches much MTV. What little time she has to devote to the televised arts is usually spent catching a showing of Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade on Skinemax.


Lindsay gets sexy at MrSkin.com.

As the 44-year-old diva with the legendary voice struggles to make her comeback, both of her exes have written scandalous things about her.

Her ex-husband Bobby Brown has come out with a tell-all autobiography, "Being Bobby Brown: The Whole Truth and Nothin' But," in which he details his and Houston's drug use and addresses the rumors of her bi-sexuality.

And now her much younger lover, Ray J, 27, has written a song dissing Brown and detailing his sex life with Houston.

In Ray J's "Boyfriend," off his just-released album, "All I Feel," which debuts this week, Ray J croons, "Is that your wife, is that your shorty, well I'm her boyfriend . . . I think the problem is you don't beat it right . . . Making love is cool, just pull her hair sometimes."

The feeling between Brown and Ray J seems to be mutual. While Ray J is more blatant in his diss, Brown tries to be subtler.

In his book, Brown writes:

"For those of you who want to know, I'm aware of the fact that Whitney had been seeing Ray J, a very young R&B artist who is most famous for being the little brother of Brandy, the multi-platinum singing artist and TV star.

"Their relationship doesn't bother me. She's open to see whoever she wants to see, just like I can see who I want to see. I know the age difference between her and the little guy is 20 years, but to each his own. The only concern I had was how our daughter felt about the age difference. As long as she's cool with it, it's fine by me."

At least Whitney hasn't starred in any sex tape. Ray J shot to national attention after he marketed a sex tape of him and ex-girlfriend Kim Kardashian in flagrante.

After that video was released, with Kardashian's blessings (she also rose to fame on the wings of the tape), Ray J signed a deal with Vivid Entertainment to direct porn.

When he started dating Houston, Ray J would take any opportunity to have a picture with the diva – and friends were concerned their love life would end up on the Internet, as well.

Did Bobby find Jesus or something? That's one of the lamest excuses for an insult we've heard in a long time. Only a love of the lord could turn the Bobby Brown of yore into someone who says "you're so much younger than me" and then congratulates himself with a hardy "Ha ha! Burn! I sure showed him who the man is around here!" I mean, when Zahara and Shiloh are exchanging more heated jibes than a celebrated "bad boy" and a sex-tape star, it's time to send them out to pasture.

"I never used cocaine until after I met Whitney. Before then, I had experimented with other drugs, but marijuana was my drug of choice. At one point in my life, I used drugs uncontrollably. I was using everything I could get my hands on, from cocaine to heroin, weed and cooked cocaine."

And not only did Whitney lead poor wee Brown down the road of narcotics and sauteed cocaine, but she did not offer her husband a life of bluebirds, picket fences, and casserole recipes from Redbook. Brown weeps:

"I think it [the marriage] was doomed from the very beginning. Within the first year we separated, with several more to follow. I think we got married for all the wrong reasons. Now, I realize Whitney had a different agenda than I did when we got married. I believe her agenda was to clean up her image, while mine was to be loved and have children. Whitney was under a lot of pressure. The media was accusing her of having a bisexual relationship with her assistant, Robin Crawford. In Whitney's situation, the only solution was to get married and have kids. That would kill all speculation, whether it was true or not."

Don't downplay the Greatest Love of All, Bobby. We're not talking about the love between crackheads or the love between the beard and the bearded. We're talking about the love that causes one to cock a finger and coax a dootie bubble out of one's spouse's rectum.

Whitney shows it off at MrSkin.com.

"After Whitney and I separated, I had nowhere to go and very little money to live on. I was, for all intents and purposes, homeless. . . . I believe I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter Bobbi Kris — a relationship that I would like to see strengthen and grow."

"Hey, Mr. judge man, I really like my kid. She cool. And I'd really like to hang with her. I've got this great bench I stay on in the park; it hardly has any pigeon shit on it. And most days this nice businessman walks by and gives me a dollar and I can go to Taco Bell and get a bean burrito. I would definitely share it with Bobbi Kris. She likes beans. We'd be tight. It would be awesome for her, so I'd really like you to grant me custody." Sounds like a plan, Bobby. But what about all those other kids you have? Do their mommas not have lucrative back catalogs that include "I Will Always Love You" and "Greatest Love of All"?

It's pretty much all over — including the crying — for Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown's marriage.

An Orange County judge granted Houston a divorce yesterday, and sole custody of their 14-year-old daughter, Bobbi Kristina. In the ten-minute hearing, Judge Franz Miller ruled that the divorce would become final on April 24.

In court, Houston testified, as the AP reports, that Brown was an unreliable father. "If he says he's going to come, sometimes he does. Usually he doesn't," she told the judge.

Houston wept as the decision was announced, and did not talk to reporters afterwards. Brown didn't show up for the hearing. The couple has been married since 1992, and Houston filed for a legal separation last September. Brown's attorney says he will seek to overturn the judge's ruling.

That must have been a really tough decision for the judge to make. "Should the girl go to the crazy crackhead or the other crazy crackhead?" In the end the only choice was the crackhead who seems to not want to be a crackhead anymore, who just so happens to be the one who has not been repeatedly arrested for not taking care of/paying for his other kids. A good choice really.

Bobby Brown was arrested for not paying child support to his first baby mama. He was ordered to stay in the clink until he pays $19,150 in fees. I guess he couldnít come up with the dough, because he was in there for 3 days. Whitney didnít bail his shit out. He was released last night after his brother Tommy, paid up.

However, it was a DC radio station that really put up the money. Hot 99.5ís Kane offered to pay the 19 grand if Bobby appeared on the show for one full week. Bobby agreed.

We're guessing that Bobby's week-long employment will consist of him playing a block of "Candy Girl," "Mr. Telephone Man," "My Prerogative," and "Humpin' Around" followed by a half hour of weeping. It's sure to pull in more listeners than Ryan Seacrest's show.

A source tells the publication, ìWhen Karrine found out she was pregnant she was so angry because Bobby had told her he couldnít have more kids.î Steffans and Brown are reportedly making plans for a reality TV show focusing on their romance.

While the prospect of Bobby Brown displaying his "black love" with a whole new woman and eagerly anticipate the intimate knowledge of Karrine's dootie bubbles, we really can't wait till Bobby's newest baby (we'll call her Bobbi Karrine) hits thirteen and learns the ways of MySpace from older half-sis Bobbi Kristina. Although by that point teenagers will probably think MySpace is for old prudes who are too uptight to post their hardcore porn videos on the internet like all the cool eighth graders. Plus she'll feel the pressure to live up to Momma's reputation for giving the best blowjob this side of Monica Lewinsky. Girl's gonna have a hard road.

ï We can see right through Mischa Barton.

ï And after that, she pokes out our eyeballs so that we might never see again.

ï Lance and Matt: forever putting the "ghey" in "McConaughey"!

ï Ellen Barkin would like you to know that she has fucked George Clooney. Big deal. Join the club.

ï Kelly Brook's underwear can be yours. In fact, Kelly Brook's underwear can be anybody's now.

ï Suzanne Somers wrote a new book about hormone replacement therapy being the fountain of youth. Before you go clamoring to pick up a copy and a side of progesterone, have a gander at the results. Sweet fancy Moses on a cracker!

ï Whitney Houston is legally extricating herself from Bobby Brown. Hopefully she'll get custody of a better weave. Oh yeah! We went there! That's right!

ï Heather Mills is alleging that Paul McCartney roughed her up during their marriage. Oh, please. That's like saying you got roofied by Cat Stevens. Paul McCartney? Macca? Seriously? The worst we can picture is him smoking a laced doob and giving a half-hearted slap with some organic radishes or something.

ï The wrestlers of the WWE had their way with Kevin Federline the other night. And while the pictures of K-Fed getting body-slammed in the ring are pleasant enough, we can't help but yearn for the quality WWF days of our youth and wish that Junkyard Dog and the Iron Sheik would join forces to tag-team Federline, while Lou Albano shot rubber bands from the sidelines and afterwards, Rowdy Roddy Piper would make a man out of K-Fed during a Backlot Brawl.