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Blake Lively’s Boobs: Cruel Plastic Hoax?

Agent E. — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 18:40:54 +0000

Awhile back there was this little show called the Emmys. People got awards for doing stuff like managing not to completely trod all over the grave of the best documentary ever. And it was really boring. So we focused on Blake Lively’s boobs. And we scratched our head. We looked and stared and contemplated and ogled and dragged out our monocle and still couldn’t decide if those things were real. But we’ve finally come to a decision thanks to these pics from a screening of her movie The Private Lives of Pippa Lee. Our verdict? Fake fake fake. Of course, we can’t be sure, since we’ve never seen Blake Lively nude, but c’mon! Look at those things! We can almost hear the “boioioioioiong” and squeak from accidentally running into them. Boobs just don’t do that. Well, in the semi-hardcore graphic novel we’ve been working on they do, but that’s a whole different universe where boobs can do any number of miraculous tasks, like give you a top-notch shoe shine.

Only total squares don’t follow CelebNewsWire on Twitter.

What’s the Gossip, Girl? Blake Lively’s Nude. Sort of.

Agent E. — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:29:25 +0000

Blake Lively nude! Blake Lively nude! Well, sort of. But still, we’re going to head out to the street corner, dressed in our best tweed short pants, our newsy hat jauntily tipped to the side, and yell it for all to hear. Then, quietly, we’ll say, “strategically nude, that is, pressed up against some old guy.” But no one will hear that part. So we’ll make a lot of people happy. And isn’t that all anyone wants out of life, to make people happy? The scene in question occurs in a movie called The Private Lives of Pippa Lee, starring just about everyone. It will be in limited release in the U.S. on November 27th, but a few clips hit the internet today, which you can see at Drunken Stepfather. They show Blake Lively teasingly non-nude nude as well as dressed in some sexy old-timey lingerie while getting spanked by another woman while Julianne Moore takes pictures. We can only assume that in the actual movie, that scene ends up with Blake, Julianne, and the other woman in the hottest lesbian threeway every caught on film. Because, really, how else could it end? With some sort of deep insight about life? What fun is that?

Boring Emmys Bring Booming Boobies

Agent E. — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:46:57 +0000

First of all, we must say that we’re not a fan of these back-to-back awards ceremonies. We haven’t even seen the Us Weekly VMA fashion roundup yet, and already the Emmys are over. We need a little more time to recover from rich and famous people getting big shiny statues. But no matter, the Emmys were last night. And we stayed awake for the whole thing! Yay! Usually that wouldn’t be such an accomplishment, but man, were they boring. Here’s a brilliant idea: Let’s take all the crappy awards that no one cares about, which are generally most of the reality and variety categories and all of the mini-series/TV movie categories, and put them all in the middle, one after another. And sure, they threw Ricky Gervais in there to try to liven things up, but that didn’t help us forget that we were watching acceptance speeches for someone who had something to do with Little Dorrit. Oooh, Dickens adaptations. A clear ratings grabber. Usually when the awards show is a snooze, we focus on the fashion, but even that was pretty uninteresting this year. But luckily there were boobies to look at. Most of the ladies seemed to stuff them deep into satin and taffeta and not let them out all night, but there were a few saviors. Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks has enough funbag flesh to supply at least 38% of Hollywood if a shortage ever occurs, but there was also Anna Torv. She’s on some show. Tassel? No no, it’s called Fringe. We’ve never seen it. The ads always seem to have her in dowdy suits, so that could explain it. But even better than Anna was Blake Lively. We’re thinking that next year Blake’s boobs should host the Emmys. No one would dare change the channel, and they wouldn’t even need a script. They could just jiggle a bit and everyone would be mesmerized. They even got us to do some deep soul searching. What were we searching for? An explanation for how those things can be so perfect and gravity defying. Are they fakies? Or is Blake just an incredibly blessed 22-year-old? This is meaning-of-life type shit and we must know the answer.

Oh right, you probably want to know who the winners are. In case you were doing something more exciting last night, like tending to your bunions.

We live tweeted the awards to stave off sleep. If you followed us on Twitter, you would have known that.

Blake Lively, Boob Slightly

Agent E. — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 15:22:37 +0000

Dudes. It’s time we had a talk. We understand that sometimes you get overly excited upon seeing a human female nipple. Your subconscious takes over and floods your brain with feelings of home and comfort and nourishment and love. But you see, we were bottle fed, so we don’t fall for any of that bullshit. Therefore we do not get confused and stumble over our words. The matter at hand today is the concept of a nip slip. It’s simple, really. For this term to apply to a particular glance at a nipple, said nipple must SLIP out of some article of clothing. If there is any sort of cloth covering that nipple, a nip slip has not occurred. What you’ve got there is a see-through shot. Because you SEE THROUGH the fabric to glimpse the nipple. Let us illustrate. The pictures of Blake Lively that we have thoughtfully tucked under the cut will show you exactly what a see-through nipple shot looks like. Over the boob lies nothing but a swath of lace, and lace is a fairly transparent fabric, thus your eyes land upon a bit of areloa. Please, study these pictures while saying to yourself, “This is not a nip slip, this is not a nip slip, this is not a nip slip. This is a see-through shot.” We don’t want to have this discussion again.

Blake Lively and Leighton Meester Lick It Up

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 16:56:28 +0000

Blake Lively and "I was born in jail" Leighton Meester of Gossip Girl are the subject of Terry Richardson's recent shoot for Rolling Stone. Like a lot of photographers, Richardson follows a narrative with his shots, letting the images tell a story. Here, the story goes "Once upon a time there were two pretty girls and they licked the same ice cream cone and then they licked the same licorice whip then they were all like fuck it and licked each other and then in the last chapter they just whipped out their chits and totally lezzed out hardcore Belladonna style but that part was just implied and hey don't you totally want to go buy Rolling Stone right now?" What a good story. The conflict really socked us right in the stones and the denouement was awesome.

Gossip Girl Gots Gams

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 16:57:59 +0000

If we asked you to picture "wise men" in your mind, you'd think of a couple of gruff-voiced, aging gentlemen with comically long beards twirling a long staff in hand traveling across the land, perhaps with a camel in tow? Hey, you just described ZZ Top on tour. Minus the camel. And plus the Eliminator. These wise men once opined about a woman who got legs and knew precisely what to do with them. As it turns out, not only are Billy Gibbons and Dusty Hill wise, they are also prophets, since back in 1984, they had a vision of future star Blake Lively and the crotch-crushingly long, lean, and lovely pegs upon which she stands. With the lyric "She's got hair down to her fanny/She's kinda jet-set, try to undo her panties" they even had a vision of her flowing flaxen locks and the little upskirt underwear shot she shows here. All you need to do is get sharply dressed, put on a pair of cheap sunglasses, and serve her a TV dinner, and Blake will slip inside your sleepin' bag.

Blake Lively shows it off at MrSkin.com.

Blake Lively Slips Her mam der Woodsen

Agent E. — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 17:59:22 +0000

Do you miss Gossip Girl? Have you spent your summer wondering if things between Serena and Dan will work out? Have you been picturing the hot hate sex between Blair and Chuck? Have you been counting down the days until you get to see the whole cast decked out in Bill Blass resort wear (the '80s are back, baby!) in the Hamptons? We can't bring you that, but we can bring you Blake Lively's nipple. We may have preferred a seaside clam bake, but we'll take what we can get. After the cut, nip!

"I think I dropped my nipple tape on the floor. I better reach down and grab it before any photographers show up. I wouldn't want my nipple to fall out of my dress or anything. That would be embarrassing." Good thinking, Blake.

Get more pics of Blake's cupcake at Egotastic!

Blake gets sexy at MrSkin.com.

Or, What Happens When You Acquit R. Kelly

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 17:50:26 +0000

Gossip Girl star Blake Lively was hard at work on her show yesterday when her little dog took offense to the unflattering beige schmatte she was wearing. And pissed on it. Splash News has the ~~poop~~ pee:

A solo Blake Lively has to stop and get out of a Gossip Girls cast van because her dog ìPennyî urinated on her. Blake was traveling through midtown Manhattan when she suddenly had to stop so that Penny could finish the rest of her business outside. Blakeís dress had urine all down the front but her assistant quickly helped to cover her by handing her a large shopping bag so that she could shield herself from the public. Blake was going with the all natural look as she was not wearing any makeup and pimples were visible on her face and neck. Filming for season 2 of Gossip Girl begins in NYC on Thursday.

Ah, pimples! Now it all comes together. Blake was actually trying the Vanessa Williams and Amy Winehouse cure for pustules. It's just too bad her dog has shitty aim.

Ooooh, Blake! Check her out at MrSkin.com.

CNW Junk Drawer: Still Big

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 21 May 2008 17:35:52 +0000

Jessica Simpson gives herself a breast exam. “Are they still big? Yep. Yep. Still big.” (Egotastic)
Hey, ladies. Hold on to your panties and your cocktails, because Kiefer Sutherland is single! (Derek Hail)
Tina Turner says that BeyoncÈ will never be rock n’ roll. Oh yeah? Well guess what, Tina? You’ll never be polka! Eat that! (Female First)
Shania Twain has learned an important lesson: don’t marry a straw-haired producer of bombastic rock music and live in seclusion in Europe lest straw-haired producer runs off with the manager of your Swiss chateau. Oh, that’s a story as old as the hills. When will they ever learn? (Hollywire)
Every part of Kristen Bell is adorable. Up to and including her wee booty. (The Blemish)
The Hills’s Whitney Port becomes Titney Port when she slipples nipple. (Drunken Stepfather)
And speaking of Hills douches, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt get fingered. (Allie Is Wired)
Ten Toys that Made You Gay. (Cityrag)
Joss Stone explores another girl’s dental work. With her tongue. (I Don’t Like You In That Way)
Gossip Girl’s Blake Lively cavorts on beach with Penn Badgley. And one of them is wearing a bikini, but we won’t spoil it and tell you which! (F-Listed)

Gossip Girl's Blake Lively in a Bikini OMFG LOL WTF BBQ

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 15 May 2008 17:59:42 +0000

Gossip Girl Gossip Girl Gossip Girl Gossip Girl! GOSSIP GIRL!!!! In a bid to increase our under-21 readership, we’re only going to talk about The Hills and Gossip Girl from now on. A good place to start is GG’s Blake Lively in a bikini. Unfortunately, the view is somewhat obscured by her onscreen boyfriend Penn Badgley, who appears to have taken his love jones for his costar into the real world.

Ah, looks like old Penn there learned some seduction tips from Hulk Hogan. Only Blake isn’t his daughter so it isn’t nearly as sexy.

And because nothing complements bikini bodies like a hearty guffaw, here is Blake’s older sister Robyn Lively in the cinematic classic Teen Witch.

Blake shows it off at MrSkin.com.