CelebNewsWire» Billy Zane Archives – CelebNewsWire

CNW Junk Drawer: "If I Was Cyclops and You Were Jean Grey"

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 14 May 2008 17:40:18 +0000

ï Singer/asshole Ryan Adams goes to comic shop expressly for the purpose of fondling Mandy Moore. Nerds everywhere cut selves. (The Blemish)

ï Tara Reid works a bikini, haters be damned. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï It's entirely possible that Tony Romo will never fumble with Jessica Simpson's footballs again. (Yeeeah!)

ï Celebrity Muppets. (Cityrag)

ï Kelly Brook is back together with your friend Billy Zane. (F-listed)

ï Lily Allen once sang that she wanted to see you smile. Today, the dream becomes reality as shots of her cliff-diving topless emerge. (Hollywood Tuna)

ï Some skintage flesh! Tricia Helfer nip slip circa 2007. Battlestar Galac-tit-ca. (Fatback)

ï The new cast of 90210 revealed! That one was for all of our under 12 and gay readers. (Bitten and Bound)

ï How I Met My Emo Lover, by Flashlee Simpson. (FemaleFirst)

ï Another kind of "bump" for Britney. (Daily Stab)

ï Shia La Beef on La Zit Cream. (Celebitchy)

ï When scabies met impetigo: a tender love story featuring Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty. (Seriously OMG WTF)

ï Amy Smart has a well-padded poon. (Taxi Driver)

Et Tu, Star and Al; Kelly and Billy?

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 17:51:51 +0000

Whatever mystical hoodoo has been floating around Famouspeopleland making them get impregnated with twins has soured and is now causing relationships to melt like a Fat Frog in the sun. Kanye West and his fiancÈe have called off their engagement, and today it was announced that two other relationships have shit the bed.

Packing their bags and boarding the S.S. Brokenheart: the pneumatically awesome Kelly Brook and Your Friend Billy Zane! According to our gossip marriage counselor, FemaleFirst, a source said,

"After much soul-searching, Kelly decided that Billy is not the man she wants to marry and has called off the engagement. The split is completely amicable and they remain good friends."

Keep in mind that Billy attempted to put the kibosh on Kelly baring any more of her storied flesh than necessary. We expect a grand, post-breakup coming out for Kelly in the near future. Coming out of her drawers, that is.

And speaking of "coming out", Star Jones has filed for divorce from her waxed and manicured hunk o' man Al Reynolds. She told ET:

ìSeveral years ago I made an error in judgment by inviting the media into the most intimate area of my life. A month ago I filed for divorce. The dissolution of a marriage is a difficult time in anyoneís life that requires privacy with oneís thoughts. I have committed myself to handling this situation with dignity and grace and look forward to emerging from this period as a stronger and wiser woman.î

Al, too, looks to emerge from this period a stronger and wiser woman.

Haven't seen Kelly Brook naked yet? For shame. Bone up at MrSkin.com.

Kelly Brook Gives Sisqo Something to Sing About

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 17:59:05 +0000

The comely Kelly Brook. Her ample, pneumatic frame is the stuff of fairy tales. In a better time, she would get roles like Nicole Kidman and awards like Cate Blanchett, but unfortunately, she took up with your friend Billy Zane who, apparently, forces his betrothed to don woolen undergarments, high button boots, and a neck-to-toe waistcoat, only letting her out of the house on occasion. But when these occasions occur, it's a party! Yesterday was no different, and Kelly was able to surreptitiously sneak out a little whale tale thong behind the back of the ever-watchful Mr. Zane. It's like the sexy lady version of giving your dad the finger behind your closed bedroom door, only with less teenage angst and braces and more erections.

See Kelly Brook NAKED at MrSkin.com.

Ringing in '08 with Brookini

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 17:59:40 +0000

Thar she blows! A hump like a snowhill! It is Moby Duff! Kelly Brook spent New Year's doing what a Kelly Brook does best–wearing a bikini. Her jugg-gasmically boombastic figure crammed into those two storied hunks of Lycra blend, she breaches the surface of the ocean like the Hot Ness Monster, those twin globules of peachulous flesh awobble. Kelly Brook is so sublime and succulent that it appears she's even absorbed whatever looks her fiance, your friend Billy Zane, had going for him. Like Rogue from the X-Men, she osmoses the pretty mugs of those around her, becoming stronger and shinier and buxomer until her peers are nothing but giant ugly piles of puke. Or, in Billy Zane's case, an unfortunate mash-up of David Cross and late-in-life Syd Barrett.

See Ms. Brook in much less than this at MrSkin.com.

Kelly Brook's Bikini is Newsworthy

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 17:59:46 +0000

OK, we've searched every single media outlet available to us, contacted our Deep Throats in twelve different countries, obsessively checked the hidden cameras we have secreted away in various sundry colonic clinics around the greater Hollywood area, and we've still got nothing. An entire twenty-four hours have passed without Britney Spears getting pregnant, and as far as we can tell, Lindsay Lohan managed to contain her labia within the confines of her clothing, so we're going to take up space by posting pictures of English actress Kelly Brook wearing a bikini.

Hey, everybody! Check it out! It's Kelly Brook! She's wearing a bikini! Have a look-see!

Not sure what's she's doing here, or why her bikini has a small pocket on the ass (you keep your weed in there?), but she's in a squatting position. Yeeeah. This is gettin' good, friends. Real good-like.

Sweet fancy Moses! Kelly Brook is being attacked by a beluga whale in cut-off camo! Unhand her, you fiend! You cur!

No. No. No.

Sigh. He's just going to eat you, Kelly. He's going to eat you and you will go into his giant whale stomach where you and Gepetto and Cleo will use fire to force yourselves out but then you'll almost drown, Kelly. And where will that leave you? Where will that leave you, Kelly Brook, if the Blue Fairy doesn't come along to turn you into a Real Girl?

Is Kelly Brook naked at MrSkin.com? Do you have to ask?

CNW Junk Drawer: Not Anorexic

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 05 Jul 2006 17:50:51 +0000

ï K-Fed is all, "Yo, remember when I did PopoZao? Yo, I was just funnin' y'all. No, surriously. When my REAL shit drops, y'all are gonna go nuts. No, really. PopoZao: just a big ha-ha. I meant to do that. Yo. Yo."

ï BREAKING: Hugh Hefner has had sexual intercourse with ladies!!!

ï "Elizabeth Hurley See-Through Nipple" does not actually mean that her nipple is transluscent, you realize.

ï Hilary Swank tells People that her split from husband Chad "brother of Rob" Lowe was not, in fact, due to her being a huge mega multiple Oscar-winning superstar acting Hollywood juggernaut while he had a few guest spots on CSI: Miami and Medium. It was because he's a druggie. Dun dun DUNNNN!

ï Your friend Billy Zane orders his colossally-kanockered girlfriend Kelly Brook to wear only enormous, dowdy underpants. Because he is a bad man.

ï Paris Hilton sets sights on passing down the wonkeye gene.

ï Kingston Rossdale and Piloh Shitt had a little play date. Ah, yes. Angelina and Brad are already making quite sure that their facially fortunate offspring consorts with only the prettiest peers. Excellent, excellent.

ï Our gossip doula, FemaleFirst, agrees with us that Natalie Portman will indeed be naked for real in her next film.

ï Keira Knightley says, "I'm not anorexic. But my grandma was. And my great-grandma was. And also, Tracey Gold was."