Tag Archives: Benji Madden
When Fauxhawk Met Weavetail: Britney and Benji, a Love Story
As far as we know, Britney Spears hasn't felt a ding-a-ling tickle her baldy thing in quite some time. And Daddy Jamie Spears seems to be a smart man. He knows that if he doesn't hunt down some dick for his darling daughter, she'll go out trolling for it herself. And her results thus far [...]
You're In Luck, Boys
The rich smell of yeasty quim fills the still morning air. It's quiet. Too quiet. From a distance far away yet close enough to send chills up one's spine, a mighty cry: "COCCCCK!" You freeze, pause, wait. And then, closer this time. "COOOOOOCCCCKKKKKKK!" Suddenly, from out of nowhere, it swoops down, its lazy eye rolling [...]
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Also tagged celebrity breakups, Paris Hilton, Stavros Niarchos
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Single White Female: Here Comes Paris
Remember when Paris Hilton was all dick-sucking famous and everyone paid attention to her and found her interesting? And she had this friend who was sort of dumpy and awkward but had loads of dough from her famous daddy, so Paris helped her out by making a TV show with her? Yeah, that was a [...]
EXLUSIVE! CNW Goes Backstage at the MTV Movie Awards
In case you missed last night's airing of the MTV Movie Awards, fear not! MTV will rerun them probably three times a day until next June. You can see famous lady attendees in their finery here, you can peruse the list of winners here, but the big news is that we went all Perez [...]
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Also tagged Anna Faris, awards shows, celebrity gay rumors, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Rainn Wilson, Tila Tequila, Verne Troyer
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Benji's Song for Paris: Good Harlot?
How could any adult woman date a man named Benji and keep a straight face? That's worse than dating a man who voluntarily calls himself Timmy. Both make us think of lovable altruistic dogs. But we're talking about Paris Hilton here, so she probably just refers to paramour Benji Madden as "Paris's boyfriend" anyway. He [...]
Paris Hilton Engaged to a Real Turd
African families should no longer weep over the brutal exploitation and deaths of their loved ones at the hands of the diamond mining industry, for their labors are going to a wonderful and noble cause: spelling out Paris Hilton's most base bodily functions in shimmering precious stones! This weekend, Paris showed up at the opening [...]
Paris Hilton Takes "LYLAS" to New, Creepy Level
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Until your best friend starts sleeping with your babydaddy's twin brother. Then it's the sincerest form of creepery. Professional gadabout Paris Hilton is apparently dating Benji Madden, the identical bro of Joel Madden, the man who put a baby in Nicole Richie. The relationship is brand new (like, [...]