CelebNewsWire» Benicio Del Toro Archives – CelebNewsWire

CNW Junk Drawer: Supa Dupa Krupa

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 19:19:04 +0000

ï Joanna Krupa gets naked for Maxim. Maxim-um mammage. (The Blemish)

ï Mr. Skin asks: who's the hottest dame in a superhero movie? (Mr. Skin)

ï Beauty and the Undereye Bags: Catherine Keener is porking Benicio del Toro. (Hollyscoop)

ï Shia the Beef will not have to have his pinky amputated. So. Uh. Great, we guess. (Celebitchy)

ï 46-21-55. Kim Kardashian in a bikini. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Kate Moss switched lives with her nanny for a day. Which marks the first time Kate has seen her child since its birth. Awww. (Female First)

ï Jessica Alba humps a chair like her name was Nomi Malone. (Cityrag)

ï Jessica Simpson strips for Tony Romo via webcam. Haw, like we're supposed to believe Jessica Simpson knows how to turn a computer on? (peanut gallery: "Well, she sure know how to turn ME on! Ahahahaha!") (Holy Taco)

ï Sienna Miller's friends maintain that she did not wreck Balthazar Getty's marriage. She just stuck a knife in its already rotting corpse and twisted it around and then cut off its head is all. (CelebWarship)

ï Morgan Freeman and his wife split. We blame Sienna Miller. (Daily Stab)

Lindsay Lohan Finally Achieves Goal of Becoming Kate Moss

Agent E. — Mon, 07 May 2007 17:55:39 +0000

Shocker! Of! The! Century! Lindsay Lohan does coke. Oh, and she humps lots of boys too. We may never recover from our shattered illusions. When we're ninety and sipping a creamed corn and mashed potato smoothie on the lanai in our nursing home, we will utter our first words in sixty years: "Can't believe . . . Lindsay does coke." Then we will fall off our rattan chair, never to wake, never having recovered from the great shock of May 2007.

We only ever believe News of the World when they accompany their stories with pictures (we need visual stimulation just like a four-year-old), and luckily for us this one comes complete with some dark, grainy, cokey photos. The article claims that Lindsay:

SNORTED 20 lines of cocaine in ONE night alone

STRIPPED down to a thong before inhaling the drug off a coffee table

BRAGGED of wild sex sessions with a host of celebrities including singer James Blunt and model Calum Best.

STRIPPED down to a thong before inhaling the drug off a coffee table

BRAGGED: "I'm going to New York tomorrow to fuck Jude Law."

The mag's source says:

"That night I saw her do more than 20 big lines of cocaine. She was still up doing drugs at 11am even though she had started about 8pm the night before.

"She wasn't even trying to hide it and was blatantly doing it off table tops, keys, books and in the wardrobe, where she was hunched over with her legs crossed almost bent in half doing it off some magazine on the floor.

"I remember looking at her and thinking how pathetic she looked and how out of control she had become.

"When she is on coke, which is most of the time, all the attention has to be on her.

"I have lost count of the number of times I have watched as she stripped naked in front of everyone.

"Then she loves to check herself out in the mirror as she parades around with her boobs hanging out.

"One night we had gone back to her place and, as always, as soon as she walked through the door she stripped down to her thong, bent down and snorted cocaine off her coffee table and then off her toilet seat."

Oh, and about all those dudes she's f'ed:

"She has told me that she has slept with James Blunt, Jude Law, Calum Best, Joaquin Phoenix, Benicio Del Toro, Jared Leto and James Franco," admitted the friend.

"She loves Brits and has told me she has slept with the singer James Blunt a few times over the past month.

"The last time was on April 15 after another house party. I think they went back to a hotel together afterwards. She is very protective over him and when she heard I had met him she sent me a text saying, ëStay away from him Bitch, he is mine.'

"Lindsay told me she has messed around with Leonardo DiCaprio a while ago too but claimed that she didn't sleep with him.

"She also flew to New York about two months ago to go to bed with Jude Law.

"Last November she slept with Calum Best. She didn't tell me if he was any good but she is usually too wasted to know what is going on anyway."

Hey, we're not done yet:

"Going to rehab was all for publicity. She wanted people to see her seeking help but it hasn't got her off the drugs at all.

"In an average night Lindsay will do two and half grams of coke on her own.

"She doesn't buy itóshe is given it by friends and acquaintances, and it turns her into an angry monster. I have watched many a time Lindsay treating her staff like crap."

Aaaaand here's a picture of Lindsay giving her friend a little assistance (if you doubt it's her, check out the entire set):

It may be a little difficult for Lindsay to talk her way out of this one, so we suggest that she doesn't. She should finish her transformation into her idol and do as Kate did. Lindz should say, "Yeah, you saw me doing coke. So fucking what? I'm still pretty, skinny, fabulous, interesting, and I have still have great boobs. And if you forget about this whole thing I might show them to you sometime. But if you still insist on being scandalized by this, suck it. YOU won't be invited to my next party."

Hollywood Tuna has the complete set of Lindsay's cokey pics.

And of course Lindsay is at MrSkin.com.

Lohan: Whirling Dervish of Skankdom

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 09 Feb 2006 17:30:54 +0000

You've got to admire a chippie like Lindsay Lohan. Rumored to be dating Jared Leto and Sean Lennon, she's now also been linked to Ryan Adams and Benicio Del Toro. Not even a tragic teacup accident can slow this girl's vagina down.

It's no secret that Lindsay has severe Daddy issues, and it's no secret that she has dabbled with illicit and illegal mind-expanding substances, so it makes perfect sense that she'd be interested in the 31-year-old, drug-snarfing Adams. A source tells In Touch that the pair have been "quietly seeing each other for a month":

"She's spending all her free time with him. She has been staying at his Greenwich Village apartment almost every night. She thinks musicians are sexy and she's a fan of his music."

Ah, yes, the ole Winona Ryder complex. However, this brings up a fascinating point. Last week, Lindsay gashed herself at Bryan Adams's house. This week, she's throwing her gash at Ryan Adams. Eeeeerie.
In Touch also alleges that the teen tyrant also possibly touched Benicio Del Toro where he goes pee. Last Sunday, the Oscar-winner was out with his on-again, off-again girlfriend Sara Foster for her birthday, but ended up ditching her to hook up with the Lo-ho. A snitch said that after "spending hours canoodling, the couple headed to the Mercer Hotel." Which we're assuming has an elevator.

Lindz's Nude Review at MrSkin.com.

And dig Del Toro at MaleStars.com.

Del Toro to the Rescue

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 23 May 2005 16:24:02 +0000

Penelope Cruz and her mother found themselves in a bit of a jam at the Cannes Film Festival, when they were riding in an elevator and it suddenly shut down. Actor Benicio del Toro was on hand to save them . . . right after he sweatily humped them both.

Cruz was at Cannes promoting her film Chromophobia. She and her mother were headed downstairs when the elevator car inexplicably stopped, and luckily, Benicio del Toro just happened to be on hand to save the day. A bystander reports, "It was a very scary experience, the lift stopped and no one knew what had happened. Penelope was pretty calm but her mother is claustrophobic and really started panicking. Benicio managed to get them both out of the lift single-handedly even though they were stuck between two floors. He has amazing upper-body strength and lifted Penelope out of the top of the lift like she was a doll." Del Toro added, "It was pretty hairy but I only did what any other man would do. I was glad to be able to help out." We can't help but picture del Toro stalking elevators across Cannes, hiding behind potted palms, watching and waiting for a plucky young starlet to step in . . .

By clicking on this link right here you can see plenty of naked Penelope Cruz at MrSkin.com.

Benicio on Sex with Scarlett: "I Don't Know."

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 09 Mar 2005 17:31:08 +0000

We just conducted an informal poll around the CelebNewsWire offices, and 9 out of 10 staffers simply cannot recall if they've had sex with Scarlett Johansson. Which is just one more thing we have in common with Benicio Del Toro, in addition to our exotic good looks and all those Oscars we've won.

Tongues were a-wagging last year when, following the 2004 Academy Awards ceremony, Del Toro and Johansson were spotted getting clingy and canoodley before retiring to an elevator. Afterwards, Scarlett unforgettably said, "We were making out or having sex or something, which I think is very unsanitary." She's not kidding; I mean, have you seen Benicio Del Toro lately? He looks like he dines on bowls of old sweatsocks and bathes in a pit of raw sewage. (In a definitely related story, a west coast source let us know about B Del T's predilection for analingus. You didn't hear that from us, though.)

In a recent interview with Esquire magazine, Del Toro opens up (kinda?) about the rumors. "Did I ever have sex in an elevator with Scarlett Johansson after an awards show? I kind of like . . . you know, I . . . well . . . I don't know. Let's leave that to somebody's imagination. Let's not promote it. I'm sure it has happened before. It might not be the last time either." So, to summarize: Del Toro doesn't know if he had sex with Scarlett, but he's sure he schtupped her before and he'll do it again. And, God willing, so will we!