Tag Archives: Ben Affleck
Baby Affleck Is Here! Baby Affleck Is Here!
Jennifer Garner, who has seriously been pregnant for over two years, finally belched that wee babe out of her Fleck-tainted womb yesterday. It's a girl, and they have reportedly named her Violet Affleck. Violent Affect. Violate Afflack. Violin Affluence. Silent Chaffsex. Pilates Calf-flex.
Daredevil and Elektra Say, "Drink Your Buckies!"
Jennifer Garner is still all kinds of full of baby, even though it seems she's been pregnant since the Carter administration. Our money was on the tyke popping out at the Thanksgiving table. "It's coming right now, there's no time for an ambulance! Just throw the turkey on the floor and splay her out on [...]
Senator Fleck?
Sonny Bono, Jesse Ventura, Arnold Schwarzenegger . . . Ben Affleck? God help us, but itís being reported that Fleck might run for a Senate seat. Weíre moving to Italy, because we think weíre better off with Cicciolina.
CNW Junk Drawa: Hookups and Hairdos
ï Natalie Portman: Last of the Mohicans.
ï Dear Russell Crowe: PLEASE PUNCH US. WE NEED THE CASH.
ï Scar-Jo and Josh Hartnett (Jo-Ho?) move in together! Eh, it's destined to fail. "Scarlett Hartnett" just sounds so douchey.
ï Fleck's million-pound pits.
ï Annie Hall is porking Ted "Theodore" Logan.
ï Ohhhh, when Keef [...]
Posted in Uncategorized
Also tagged advertisements, celebrity hookups, Diane Keaton, Josh Hartnett, Keanu Reeves, Keith Richards, Mick Jagger, Mos Def, Natalie Portman, Russell Crowe, Scarlett Johansson
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J. Lo Gets Depressed, Damns Gods of Fertility
Jennifer is sad. And for once weíre not talking about Jennifer Aniston. Rather Jennifer Lopez got bummed the fuck out when a reporter for Elle magazine asked her about Ben Affleckís new marriage and incubating spawn.
Posted in Uncategorized
Also tagged celebrity pregnancies, Jennifer Garner, Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony
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Garner and Affleck Become One
Bennifer II is now official! Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have been joined together in connubial bliss. They were married Wednesday on a beach on the Turks and Caicos island. Goddammit, another celebrity wedding outsourced to an exotic foreign locale. The American wedding industry has taken such a huge hit this year that John Cougar [...]
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Also tagged Bruce Willis, celeb engagements/weddings, Jennifer Garner
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Welcome to the World, Baby GarFleck!
It's (sort of) official: Jennifer Garner is carrying a big ol' hunk of Ben Affleck's love seed. Commence with the shotgun wedding and the Star polls asking readers to decide whether the offspring should be named Bubba or Daredevil.
Seed of Affleck Rears Ugly Head Again
Hey, remember when everyone (including ourselves) was flappin' gums about Jennifer Garner possibly gestating the Spawn of Fleck? Neither do we. Because it was boring. And then Britney got knocked up, and Demi, and then Brad/Jen/Angelina happened, and then Paris was hacked, and . . . well, we just plum forgot. But now Jennifer is [...]
Those Who Can't, Teach: Ben Affleck.
Yay! Yayyyyyyyy! Wahoo! Hey, everyone! HOORAY AND HUZZAH!
Why are we celebrating, you ask? Because Ben Affleck has decided to pursue a different vocation! He's going to be a teacher! No more Daredevils! No more Paychecks! Oh, we're as giddy as a spoiled Victorian child on Christmas Day!
Affleck to Make an Honest Woman of Garner. Maybe. Maybe Not.
It's been reported that Ben Affleck maybe, sort of, probably, most likely proposed to Jennifer Garner yesterday. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . Oops, sorry. Did we just fall asleep?