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	<title>CelebNewsWire&#187; Ben Affleck Archives  &#8211;  CelebNewsWire</title>
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		<title>Garfleck the Younger Has a Name Now</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/jennifer_garner_affleck_baby_seraphina_r.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/jennifer_garner_affleck_baby_seraphina_r.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 14 Jan 2009 16:52:10 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Inspector S. (CNW Admin)</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Ben Affleck]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celebrity offspring]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Jennifer Garner]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=18517</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are not as dumb as they look. They know that if they wait a week to release their newborn baby&#x27;s name, people will have stopped speculating and caring and thus the impact of its stupidity will be lessened. Well-played, Garfleck, you handsome, large-chinned couple. People mag scoops it:
A week after [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/garner_affleck.jpg"><img alt="garner_affleck.jpg" src="http://www.celebnewswire.com/wp-content/uploads/import/garner_affleck-thumb.jpg" width="150" height="200" /></a><br />
Jennifer Garner and <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/ben_affleck/" target="_blank">Ben Affleck</a> are not as dumb as they look. They know that if they wait a week to release their newborn <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/jennifer_garner_baby_girl_ben_affleck.html" target="_blank">baby&#x27;s name</a>, people will have stopped speculating and caring and thus the impact of its stupidity will be lessened. Well-played, Garfleck, you handsome, large-chinned couple. <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20252295,00.html" target="_blank"><em>People</em></a> mag scoops it:</p>
<blockquote><p>A week after their second daughter&#x27;s birth, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have announced her name, Garner&#x27;s reps tell PEOPLE exclusively.</p>
<p>It is Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck.</p>
<p>The baby was born Jan. 6 in Los Angeles. Garner and Affleck, both 36, are also parents to daughter Violet, 3. </p></blockquote>
<p>We guess as far as naming your child after a Whoopi Goldberg movie goes, Seraphina is probably your best bet. Unless you were to go with Jumpin&#x27; Jack Flash Affleck, but duh, that&#x27;s a <em>boy&#x27;s</em> name.</p>
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		<item>
		<title>Garfleck II: Revenge of Garfleck</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/jennifer_garner_baby_girl_ben_affleck.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/jennifer_garner_baby_girl_ben_affleck.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:56:29 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Inspector S. (CNW Admin)</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Ben Affleck]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celebrity offspring]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Jennifer Garner]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=18498</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
In spite of the Oscar, Ben Affleck isn&#x27;t really good at a lot of stuff. He&#x27;s not outstandingly handsome or intelligent or funny. His acting kind of smells. But one thing he&#x27;s good at is ejaculating into Jennifer Garner, who gave birth to the couple&#x27;s second daughter yesterday. US Weekly scoops it:
Jennifer Garner and Ben [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/jennifer_garner_violet.jpg"><img alt="jennifer_garner_violet.jpg" src="http://www.celebnewswire.com/wp-content/uploads/import/jennifer_garner_violet-thumb.jpg" width="200" height="200" /></a><br />
In spite of the Oscar, <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/ben_affleck/" target="_blank">Ben Affleck</a> isn&#x27;t really good at a lot of stuff. He&#x27;s not outstandingly handsome or intelligent or funny. His acting kind of smells. But one thing he&#x27;s good at is ejaculating into Jennifer Garner, who gave birth to the couple&#x27;s second daughter yesterday. <a href="http://www.usmagazine.com/news/jennifer-garner-and-ben-affleck" target="_blank"><em>US Weekly</em></a> scoops it:</p>
<blockquote><p>Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have welcomed another girl, their rep confirms. The baby was born Tuesday in Los Angeles and is healthy.</p>
<p>A smiling Garner was spotted being wheeled on a roll-away hospital bed as she was taken to her room. A blanket was draped over her, and it appeared that she was holding the baby.</p></blockquote>
<p>No name has been released, but since their first kid is named Violet, we&#x27;re assuming they&#x27;ll go for a floral theme. Unfortunately, Rebecca Romijn just cornered the marked on Rose and Tulip and Kate Beckinsale has Lily, so pretty much all they&#x27;re left with is Stinkweed or Corpse Flower. Corpse Flower Affleck. That&#x27;s a pretty name.</p>
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		<title>Jennifer Garner Incubating Another Spawn</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/jennifer_garner_five_months_pregnant_ben.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/jennifer_garner_five_months_pregnant_ben.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 18 Jul 2008 18:10:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Agent E.</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Ben Affleck]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celebrity pregnancies]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Jennifer Garner]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=17985</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
It seems that the press has had their fingers crossed that Jennifer Garner had another Fleck in her baby maker pretty much since little Violet was crowning. Well, it looks like they&#x27;ve finally got their wish, as Jen is reportedly all full o&#x27; fetus once again. Reports Us Weekly:
Jennifer Garner and husband Ben Affleck are [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/jennifer_garner_pregnant_coffee.jpg"><img alt="jennifer_garner_pregnant_coffee.jpg" src="http://www.celebnewswire.com/wp-content/uploads/import/jennifer_garner_pregnant_coffee-thumb.jpg" width="145" height="200" /></a><br />
It seems that the press has had their fingers crossed that Jennifer Garner had another <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/ben_affleck/" target=" blank">Fleck</a> in her baby maker pretty much since little Violet was crowning. Well, it looks like they&#x27;ve finally got their wish, as Jen is reportedly all full o&#x27; fetus once again. Reports <a href="http://www.usmagazine.com/its-confirmed-jennifer-garner-pregnant" target=" blank"><em>Us Weekly</em></a>:<br />
<blockquote>Jennifer Garner and husband Ben Affleck are expecting another baby, Garner&iacute;s former Alias co-star Victor Garber confirms to Usmagazine.com.</p>
<p>&quot;Yes, she is,&quot; Garber, who currently stars on ABC&#x27;s Eli Stone, told Us in a taped interview when asked if recent speculation was true that the couple is expecting.</p>
<p>(Garber officiated the couple&#x27;s 2005 wedding.)</p>
<p>A source adds, &quot;She is five months pregnant. They are very happy.&quot;</p>
<p>Garner, 36, and Affleck, 35, are parents to two-year-old daughter Violet &#8211; one of Us&#x27; Babies of the Year. </p></blockquote>
<p> That Garber sure does have a big mouth. We&#x27;re sure that right after he spilled the beans he said, &quot;See, I&#x27;m worth talking to, Mr. Reporterman. I know famous people. They tell me secrets. And I&#x27;ll tell you everything, if you watch my show, <em>Eli Stone</em>. Katie Holmes is going to be on it. She&#x27;s famous. And Jonny Lee Miller! He was married to Angelina Jolie. She&#x27;s famous too! Do you want to know about her babies? Because I know. I&#x27;m hip.&quot;<br />
<span id="more-17985"></span><br />
<br />Jennifer Garner nude: Sydney Bristow slips crackage at MrSkin.com.</p>
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		<title>Jennifer Lopez: Career Killer</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/ben_affleck_career_ruined_jennifer_lopez.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/ben_affleck_career_ruined_jennifer_lopez.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 13 May 2008 17:45:10 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Agent E.</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Ben Affleck]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Jennifer Lopez]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[music videos]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=17758</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
The video for &#34;Jenny from the Block&#34; was a lot of things. A pretty awesome jam. Where we learned that it takes hard work to cash checks. A good place to ogle Jennifer Lopez&#x27;s ass and bare stomach. The downfall of Ben Affleck. Wait, what? Entertainmentwise reports:
Ben Affleck credits starring in then-fiancee Jennifer Lopez&#237;s Jenny [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/ben%20affleck%20and%20jennifer%20lopez.jpg"><img alt="ben affleck and jennifer lopez.jpg" src="http://www.celebnewswire.com/wp-content/uploads/import/ben%20affleck%20and%20jennifer%20lopez-thumb.jpg" width="231" height="200" /></a><br />
The video for &quot;Jenny from the Block&quot; was a lot of things. A pretty awesome jam. Where we learned that it takes hard work to cash checks. A good place to ogle Jennifer Lopez&#x27;s ass and bare stomach. The downfall of <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/ben_affleck/" target=" blank">Ben Affleck</a>. Wait, what? <a href="http://www.entertainmentwise.com/news?id=42440" target=" blank">Entertainmentwise</a> reports:<br />
<blockquote>Ben Affleck credits starring in then-fiancee Jennifer Lopez&iacute;s Jenny From The Block video with nearly ruining his career.</p>
<p>The actor &ntilde; who began dating the Latina singer in 2002 &ntilde; featured prominently in the promo, and at one point is seen rubbing sun tan lotion onto Lopez&#x27;s bottom.</p>
<p>The couple&#x27;s high-profile romance went on to provoke a tabloid backlash, culminating in the 2003 box office flop Gigli.</p>
<p>And the actor is now convinced that bringing his personal life into the spotlight was damaging to his career.</p>
<p>He says, &quot;If I have a big regret, it was doing the music video. But that happened years ago. I&#x27;ve moved on.&quot;</p>
<p>But Affleck insists he isn&#x27;t blaming Lopez for his career nosedive: &quot;It not only makes me look like a petulant fool (to blame Lopez), but it surely qualifies as ungentlemanly? For the record, did she hurt my career? No.&quot;</p>
<p>The pair became engaged in 2002 but called off their relationship in 2003.</p></blockquote>
<p> True, Ben Affleck&#x27;s career had some high points before the video and some low points after it, but let&#x27;s just take a look at some of Fleck&#x27;s credits prior to &quot;Jenny from the Block&quot;: <em>Armageddon</em>. <em>Forces of Nature</em>. <em>Dogma</em>. <em>Reindeer Games</em>. <em>Bounce</em>. <em>Changing Lanes</em>. Sure, J.Lo can shoulder some of the responsibility for <em>Gigli</em> and <em>Jersey Girl</em> and even <em>Paycheck</em>, but the rest were all you, old boy. Once a shitty-movie-maker always a shitty-movie-maker. Ain&#x27;t no broad gonna change that.<br />
<span id="more-17758"></span><br />
<br />Before &quot;Jenny from the Block&quot; Jennifer Lopez got naked. Peep it at MrSkin.com.</p>
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		<title>Ms. Pammy Goes To Washington</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/pam_anderson_lauren_conrad_attend_white.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/pam_anderson_lauren_conrad_attend_white.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 11 Apr 2008 17:50:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Agent E.</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Ben Affleck]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Hayden Panettiere]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lauren Conrad]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marcia Cross]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pamela Anderson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[politicians]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=17661</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
Sometimes celebrities and politics mix just fine. Ben Affleck seems to have a genuine interest and know just a little bit more than Barack Obama&#x27;s favorite color. Sonny Bono did a fine job as far as we can tell. But sometimes it&#x27;s best for celebs to stick to things like slapping their name on a [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/pam%20anderson%20fondles%20her%20boobs.jpg"><img alt="pam anderson fondles her boobs.jpg" src="http://www.celebnewswire.com/wp-content/uploads/import/pam%20anderson%20fondles%20her%20boobs-thumb.jpg" width="166" height="200" /></a><br />
Sometimes celebrities and politics mix just fine. Ben Affleck seems to have a genuine interest and know just a little bit more than Barack Obama&#x27;s favorite color. Sonny Bono did a fine job as far as we can tell. But sometimes it&#x27;s best for celebs to stick to things like slapping their name on a new brand of perfume or not-so-discreetly leaking nude photos of themselves to the press. Because if we were a foreign dignitary and we popped into the White House for a frank chat on foreign policy and we saw a red carpet outside with Pam Anderson, Perez Hilton, and some chick from <em>Laguna Hills</em> or whichever, we&#x27;d probably hightail back to our home country and promptly ready an A-bomb. <a href="http://www.usmagazine.com/pam-anderson-lauren-conrad-going-to-the-white-house" target=" blank"><em>Us Weekly</em></a> reports:<br />
<blockquote>The Hills&#x27; Lauren Conrad and Pamela Anderson are among the celebs on the list to attend the White House Press Correspondents Association Dinner on April 26, Usmagazine.com has confirmed.</p>
<p>Like Conrad, blogger (and enemy) Perez Hilton, another attendee, will be a guest of the Bloomberg financial network.</p>
<p>They could hobnob with Ben Affleck, Eric Dane, Tim Daly, Hayden Panettiere and Marcia Cross &oacute; all of whom are also on the list, a Correspondents rep tells Us.</p>
<p>Started in 1920, the WHCA&#x27;s annual dinner has become a Washington, D.C. tradition and is usually attended by the President and Vice President.</p></blockquote>
<p> We wonder if Pam and Lauren will get to really tough questions at the event, like, &quot;When will this horrible war in Iran end?&quot; and &quot;On a scale of one to ten, how dreamy is Barack Obama?&quot;<br />
<span id="more-17661"></span><br />
<br />See Pam&#x27;s less serious&#8211;more naked&#8211;side at MrSkin.com.</p>
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		<title>The Whole World&#039;s Topsy-Turvy: Fleck Wins Acting Award</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/the_whole_worlds_topsyturvy_fleck_wins_a.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/the_whole_worlds_topsyturvy_fleck_wins_a.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 11 Sep 2006 17:45:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Inspector S. (CNW Admin)</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Ben Affleck]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[film festivals]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Helen Mirren]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[movies]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=15677</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[As the Venice Film Festival wraps up, the powers-that-be are handing out awards to honor the festival&#x27;s best and brightest, and the top acting honors went to Helen Mirren and Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck?

Mirren won for her portrayal of Queen Elizabeth II in The Queen, and the Fleck garnered top honors [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>As the Venice Film Festival wraps up, the powers-that-be are handing out awards to honor the festival&#x27;s best and brightest, and the top acting honors went to Helen Mirren and <a href="http://www.malestars.com/RS/rsid-704792/marker-InArticle/" target=" blank">Ben Affleck</a>. Ben Affleck. Ben <em>Affleck</em>. <em>Ben Affleck</em>?<br />
<span id="more-15677"></span><br />
<a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/helen_mirren/" target="_blank">Mirren</a> won for her portrayal of Queen Elizabeth II in <em>The Queen</em>, and the <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/ben_affleck/" target="_blank">Fleck</a> garnered top honors for his role as former <em>Superman</em> actor George Reeves in <em>Hollywoodland</em>. Will this be the Comet that finally scrubs away the ground-in germy stain that is <em>Gigli</em>? And <em>Jersey Girl</em>? And <em>Paycheck</em> and <em>Daredevil</em> and everything else? Affleck did not release a statement, but of her movie, Mirren said, &quot;It&#x27;s an incredible honor to have a film take its first steps here in Venice. (Director) Stephen Frears is the mother of the film. I&#x27;m just a bit of the DNA of this film. Also, I am humbled to share acting honors with Ben Affleck, a visionary in the field, and a thespian of immense talent. Ha ha ha ha ha. Just kidding&#8211;I&#x27;m Helen fucking Mirren!&quot;<br />
<br />If you would like to see Helen Mirren in the buff, just head on over to MrSkin.com.<br />
<br /><a href="http://www.malestars.com/RS/rsid-704792/marker-Footer/" target=" blank">And MaleStars.com has all your Baffleck needs.</a></p>
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		<title>Fleck Cops a Feel</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/fleck_cops_a_feel.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/fleck_cops_a_feel.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 08 Sep 2006 17:45:36 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Agent E.</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Ben Affleck]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=15672</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Here we thought we had Ben Affleck pegged. He&#x27;s a washed up actor who was effortlessly upstaged by a seven-year-old in Please Stop Making Movies, Kevin Smith (Or was that one called Jersey Girl? We can&#x27;t remember.) and by a shovel in Surviving Christmas, and in his personal life he tags along carrying little Violet [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Here we thought we had <a href="http://www.malestars.com/RS/rsid-704792/marker-InArticle/" target=" blank">Ben Affleck</a> pegged. He&#x27;s a washed up actor who was effortlessly upstaged by a seven-year-old in <em>Please Stop Making Movies, Kevin Smith</em> (Or was that one called <em>Jersey Girl</em>? We can&#x27;t remember.) and by a shovel in <em>Surviving Christmas</em>, and in his personal life he tags along carrying little Violet in the Baby Bjorn while his wife calls the shots, and he tries to get away for a ball game or a round of poker when the wife lets go of his balls. All in all rather a boring chap. But today he&#x27;s just full of surprises.<br />
<span id="more-15672"></span><br />
Shock #1: It turns out that maybe <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/ben_affleck/index.html" target=" blank">Ben</a> <a href="http://www.suntimes.com/output/movies/wkp-news-hollywood08.html" target=" blank">can act after all</a>. Sure, he&#x27;s playing an &quot;affable, good-looking actor who falls on hard times&quot; in <em>Hollywoodland</em>, so it&#x27;s not really a stretch, but we thought we&#x27;d never live to hear praise for an Affleck performance, unless of course he was cast in a film opposite <a href="http://www.malestars.com/RS/rsid-704792/marker-InArticle/" target=" blank">Al Pacino</a>, Faye Dunaway, and <a href="http://www.malestars.com/RS/rsid-704792/marker-InArticle/" target=" blank">Nicolas Cage</a> and the praise was limited to him being the cast member with the least amount of set dressing in his stomach at the end of the day.<br />
Shock #2: The guy might know how to have a little bit of fun. Watch <a href="http://goldenfiddle.com/node/5106" target=" blank">this here video</a> from 2004 and you&#x27;ll understand. Trust us, it&#x27;s worth five minutes of your time.  When you see a guy who&#x27;s capable of burying his face in a female reporter&#x27;s bosom and proclaiming, &quot;These breasts are very firm. Suspiciously firm I have to say. They are like two giant stones&quot; and all he gets in return is girlish giggles and smiles you definitely want to be his friend and learn all of his secrets so that when you try the same thing you don&#x27;t get kneed in the gonads. Pretty soon Ben Affleck is going to have more friends than Fred Rogers. Way to turn it around there, O&#x27;Bannion.<br />
<br /><a href="http://www.malestars.com/RS/rsid-704792/marker-Footer/" target=" blank">Thrill to Fleck at MaleStars.com.</a></p>
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		<title>CNW Junk Drawer: &quot;You&#039;re So [Bleeping] Retarded!&quot;</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/cnw_junk_drawer_youre_so_bleeping_retard.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/cnw_junk_drawer_youre_so_bleeping_retard.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 31 May 2006 17:12:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Inspector S. (CNW Admin)</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[advertisements]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ailing celebs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Alyssa Milano]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ben Affleck]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celebrity arrests]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celebrity nudity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celebrity offspring]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Christina Aguilera]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mariah Carey]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Michelle Rodriguez]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mira Sorvino]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mischa Barton]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[paparazzi]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Robin Tunney]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=15407</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[&#239;  Michelle Rodriguez is out of jail again, and she says, &#34;I&#x27;m moving to France&#8230; People don&#x27;t bother you there.&#34; Which we take to mean &#34;The pigs don&#x27;t hassle me when I kick back a carafe of red wine and then go for a spin in a Renault.&#34; Ooh la la!
&#239;  Thank you, [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>&iuml;  Michelle Rodriguez is <a href="http://www.imdb.com/news/wenn/2006-05-31/#celeb1" target="_blank">out of jail again</a>, and she says, &quot;I&#x27;m moving to France&#8230; People don&#x27;t bother you there.&quot; Which we take to mean &quot;The pigs don&#x27;t hassle me when I kick back a carafe of red wine and then go for a spin in a Renault.&quot; Ooh la la!</p>
<p>&iuml;  Thank you, Mira Sorvino, for giving your <a href="http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/celebrity/Mira+Sorvino:+It+s+a+boy-10039.html" target="_blank">new son a normal name</a>. Teach your Hollywood brethren, Mira Sorvino. Show them the way.</p>
<p>&iuml;  No link here, but seriously: When was the last time we saw Britney and Kevin together? Just wondering.</p>
<p>&iuml;  Robin Tunney is pretty. Robin Tunney has <a href="http://www.taxidrivermovie.com/view_pictures.php?id=2097" target="_blank">a nipple</a>. Pretty Robin Tunney shows us her nipple.</p>
<p>&iuml;  Christina Aguilera&#x27;s husband, proboscis monkey Jordan Bratman, won&#x27;t let his wife <a href="http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2006/05/christina-aguilera-should-just-do-it.html" target="_blank">pose topless</a>. What a brat, man.</p>
<p>&iuml;  No, no, the old saying isn&#x27;t &quot;Mom, baseball, and apple pie.&quot; It&#x27;s &quot;baseball, braces, and Alyssa Milano&#x27;s <a href="http://yeeeah.com/blog/2006/05/30/alyssa-milano-is-a-baseball-fan/" target="_blank">pokies</a>.&quot;</p>
<p>&iuml;  Mariah Carey: That tomato&#x27;s got <a href="http://www.hollywoodtuna.com/?p=1286" target="_blank">billion dollah pegs</a>, I tells ya.</p>
<p>&iuml;  <a href="http://www.malestars.com/RS/rsid-704792/marker-InArticle/" target="_blank">Ben Affleck</a> rushed to the hospital because of a <a href="http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/celebrity/Ben+Affleck+s+hospital+headache-10042.html" target="_blank">headache</a>. The rest of us rushed to the hospital because we just heard the name Ben Affleck.</p>
<p>&iuml;  Mischa Barton calls her mother <a href="http://socialitelife.com/2006/05/30/mischa_barton_is_bitchy.php" target="_blank">&quot;retarded.&quot;</a> Yeah, but who&#x27;s the one who willingly had sexual congress with Brandon Davis? Huh? Huh??? Who&#x27;s retarded now, Mischa? <i>Who&#x27;s retarded now????</i></p>
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		<title>CNW Junk Drawer: &quot;Be Silent and Make All Physical Movements Slow&quot;</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/cnw_junk_drawer_be_silent_and_make_all_p.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/cnw_junk_drawer_be_silent_and_make_all_p.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 29 Mar 2006 17:37:55 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Inspector S. (CNW Admin)</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Ben Affleck]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celebrity offspring]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celebrity pregnancies]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Christina Aguilera]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Jessica Simpson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Joy Behar]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Katie Holmes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Madonna]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pamela Anderson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[paparazzi]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[plastic surgery rumors]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Star Jones]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[television]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=15259</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[&#239;  Large billboards instructing Katie Holmes to make like a silent, slow-moving three-toed sloth arrive at the Cruisian birth chamber. Chilling.
&#239;  And, according to the headline at FemaleFirst, she&#x27;s about to deliver a bouncing baby iPod.
&#239;  Pam Mamderson is getting a little long in the tooth, and realizes that it isn&#x27;t proper [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>&iuml;  <a href="http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2006/03/katie-holmes-has-seen-signs.html" target="_blank">Large billboards</a> instructing Katie Holmes to make like a silent, slow-moving three-toed sloth arrive at the Cruisian birth chamber. Chilling.</p>
<p>&iuml;  And, according to the headline at FemaleFirst, she&#x27;s about to deliver a <a href="http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/celebrity/Katie+Holmes++iPod+birth-9207.html" target="_blank">bouncing baby iPod</a>.</p>
<p>&iuml;  Pam Mamderson is getting a little long in the tooth, and realizes that it isn&#x27;t proper for mature women to bare their breasts. Instead, they wear <a href="http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2006/03/28/pamela_anderson_at_the_los_ang_1.html" target="_blank">see-through shirts</a>. How positively demure!</p>
<p>&iuml;  <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/star_jones/index.html" target="_blank">Star Jones</a> babbles about her new boob job, Joy Behar tells her to shut her fat mouth, Star responds by <a href="http://www.imdb.com/news/wenn/2006-03-29/#2" target="_blank">calling Joy a bitch</a>. Finally, a reason to watch <em>The View</em>.</p>
<p>&iuml;  With those new fake lips, Jessica Simpson really makes an <a href="http://www.hollywoodtuna.com/?p=996" target="_blank">excellent Real Doll</a>.</p>
<p>&iuml;  Whoops, scratch that. Actually, Christina Aguilera makes the better <a href="http://yeeeah.com/blog/2006/03/29/christina-aguilera-is-definitely-inflatable/" target="_blank">inflatable hump toy</a>.</p>
<p>&iuml;  Madonna learns how to . . . c&#x27;mon! <a href="http://www.ananova.com/entertainment/story/sm_1781417.html?menu=entertainment.celebrities" target="_blank">Krump</a>! Let your body move to the music! Krump! Krump! Let your body go with the flow!</p>
<p>&iuml;  Spawn of <a href="http://www.malestars.com/RS/rsid-704792/marker-InArticle/" target=" blank">Affleck</a> . . . <a href="http://dlisted.blogspot.com/2006/03/first-look-at-baby-violet.html" target="_blank">revealed</a>! Wait, where are its little horns, its eensy cloven feet?</p>
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		<title>Ben Affleck Kisses Diapers! No, Wait. Ben Affleck BUYS Diapers with Kisses.</title>
		<link>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/ben_affleck_kisses_diapers_no_wait_ben_a.html</link>
		<comments>http://www.celebnewswire.com/archives/ben_affleck_kisses_diapers_no_wait_ben_a.html#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 03 Jan 2006 17:47:58 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Inspector S. (CNW Admin)</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Ben Affleck]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celebrity offspring]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.celebnewswire.com/?p=15034</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Ben Affleck found himself in a bit of a bind recently when he went to a convenience store to buy diapers and, after finding he was short on cash, was forced to kiss a fan so she&#x27;d pay for the Huggies. That reminds us of the time we went to buy Scotch tape and forgot [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.malestars.com/RS/rsid-704792/marker-InArticle/" target=" blank">Ben Affleck</a> found himself in a bit of a bind recently when he went to a convenience store to buy diapers and, after finding he was short on cash, was forced to kiss a fan so she&#x27;d pay for the Huggies. That reminds us of the time we went to buy Scotch tape and forgot our wallet so we had to kiss a fan. Only it wasn&#x27;t Scotch tape, it was Vagisil. And it wasn&#x27;t a fan, it was a homeless man. And it wasn&#x27;t a kiss, it was anal sex.<br />
<span id="more-15034"></span><br />
So he runs to the store and forgets his wallet and has to kiss a fan to get her to pony up the cash? How sad. He can shell out like 5 trillion dollars for a J. Lo engagement ring, but he can&#x27;t get on his cell phone and have one of his &quot;people&quot; drop by with ten bucks? <a href="http://www.celebnewswire.com/celebrities/ben_affleck/index.html" target="_blank">Ben</a> may have feared the hormonal wrath of wife Jennifer Garner, however. <em>In Touch</em> reports:</p>
<blockquote><p>&quot;According to sources, he told the giggling store clerk, &#x27;I&#x27;ve got to come back with these or my wife will kill me.&#x27;&quot;</p></blockquote>
<p>Oh, and to think we were that close to the death of Fleck. The new year is bittersweet, indeed.<br />
<br /><font size=1><a href="http://www.malestars.com/RS/rsid-704792/marker-Footer/" target=" blank">Want to see Ben Affleck naked? Well, OK. He&#x27;s at MaleStars.com.</a></font></p>
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