CelebNewsWire» Bam Margera Archives – CelebNewsWire

Little Ditty 'Bout Jackass and Simpson

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 17:59:20 +0000

We feel kind of bad for the Jackass guys. Sure, they have another movie coming out and Johnny Knoxville seems to be doing pretty well for himself, but the lesser Jackasses seem to have fallen on hard times. Bam Margera's uncle was just arrested for being a kid-toucher, Steve-O has a heart condition and possibly placed his pork sword inside of Nicole Richie, and now, Chris Pontius has been relegated to writing and recording a novelty song about last year's rumor involving Bam boffing Jessica Simpson. Which comes hot on the heels of Brandon "Fat Elvis" Davis and Scott Storch recording a "Firecrotch" diss song. And you can't fall much lower than being likened to Brandon Davis and Scott Storch. Unless you were to force a kindergarten class to watch you set fire to a litter of newborn bunnies, maybe.

Celebrity diss songs seem to be the new skinny jean, which is fine by us. It's nice to see the kids pouring themselves into creative outlets for their ire instead of simply doing lines off the toilet seats at Hyde and then hacking each other's Sidekicks. We only hope the songs don't escalate to Biggie vs. Tupac proportions. Page Six brings us the tale of two Jackasses . . . and one Jessica:

"[Chris] Pontius has penned and recorded a crude song about how fellow Jackass Bam Margera supposedly had sex with the busty blond singer – describing a kinky form of intercourse that can't be printed in a family newspaper… Pontius did not return our call, but Simpson's flack, Rob Shuter, dismissed the sleazy song's trash talk, telling Page Six: "There's no truth to it. Bam has been using Jessica's name to get himself attention for a long time."

We had to take a quantum leap back to June of last year to get a refresher on the Bam-Jessica tale: Bam's ex appeared on a radio show and intimated that the pair had sexual intercourse. However, it was Knoxville who was rumored (via an unsubstantiated blind item, but still!) to have tossed Jess's proverbial salad. So what's the "kinky form of intercourse"? We can only assume that it's something involving the anus, seeing as how Jessica's been dodging buttsex rumors for a year now, and also, "Jackass" has the word "ass" in it. And hey, so does the word "assume"! Welp, that pretty much seals the deal, then.

Gaze upon Jessica in little clothing, only at MrSkin.com.

Nick and Jessica Still Holding on to the Sham

Agent E. — Wed, 19 Oct 2005 17:50:05 +0000

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are no longer playing Ward and June. We get it. Weíve accepted it. Why canít they? Just admit it, guys. Tell us some bullshit like, ìWe love each other, but weíre no longer in love with each other. We tried really, really hard, but we canít make it work.î Then take the rings off and go screw the brains out of some hot young things. Youíll both feel alive and free for the first time in years.

Since the news of Nick and Jessicaís still unconfirmed split broke, we have seen many pictures of Jessica holding up her wedding ring for the cameras and bearing a smile that says, ìFuck you, assholes, Iím married. See? Now leave me alone so I can go bone another cast member of Jackass.î And speaking of members of Jackass, the Nick/Jessica split was confirmed by Bam Margera, but heís proven himself to be completely full of shit in the past, so who knows what thatís worth. Since Nick and Jessicaís OK! documented Italian vacation, the couple has been living apart, with Nick partying in Vegas with his brother (and a bunch of very eager ladies), while Jessica has been living with her assistant. The two will even be spending their third wedding anniversary apart, as Jessica will be traveling in Africa for charity, and of course Nick canít join her due to ìwork commitments.î Which weíre guessing means that he canít leave his PBR and his plasma screen during football season. What weíre wondering is why they insist on continuing the sham. The Christians already hate Jessica and think sheís a dirty heathen tramp. We the gossip-loving people do not value the institute of marriage; we thrive on spectacle. And if getting divorced results in Jessica being cast as Kimberly in a movie version of Diffírent Strokes and releasing a threeway sex tape with the kid from Everybody Hates Chris as Arnold and a lesser-known Wayans as Willis, then weíre all for it.

Jessica Simpson at MrSkin.com.

Oops, Did We Say They Porked? Sorry Bout That.

Agent E. — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 17:21:37 +0000

Get ready, kids, itís retraction time! So apparently Jennifer Aniston hasnít even had an interview with Vanity Fair yet, let alone admitted Brad Pitt had hot, wild, cheating sex with Angelina Jolie. And on top of that, Bam Margeraís ex-girlfriend totally lied about Bam f-ing Jessica Simpson. If there was any extramarital humping going on in either of these situations, no oneís truthfully admitted it yet.

We thought Jennifer Aniston had finally told the world what we already knew, but it seems that someone made up the whole damn thing. There was no Vanity Fair interview. Jen has admitted nothing. Brad and Angelina can go on pretending that all they care about is the children–the African children–and not each otherís superhumanly perfect and sexy genitals. Order is restored to the world.

But in the case of Bam Margera and Jennifer Rivell, two people who should just stick to Jackass reunions and MTV cast parties and leave us the hell alone, it was all about the money. Radar reports that the two were in cahoots (yes, cahoots) to milk Star for a heap of cash and bring shame to the totally innocent and virginal Jessica Simpson. A source told the mag about the night that the supposed Bam humping went down: ìEveryone slept at Jessicaís, but no one slept with Jessica, except maybe her little dog.î So basically what we have here is two people seeing an opportunity to grab a little attention (ëcause getting shot in the balls with a BB gun was getting kind of old) and take home $8000 courtesy of Starís ìjournalistic ethicsî. Plus, have you seen Bam? He probably just wanted the world to think that a funny little troll such as himself could score someone as hot as Jessica Simpson. Given the opportunity, youíd do the same thing.

Jennifer Aniston–still not talking but showing her boobies at MrSkin.com.

Jessica Simpson's looking hot at MrSkin.com.

Dukes of Hazzard Related: Infidelity, Nudity from Two Generations of Daisies

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 07 Jun 2005 17:51:03 +0000

Oh, the Jessica Simpson-Johnny Knoxville salad-tossing rumor was a rollicking good time, to be sure. But the plot thickens: Jessica "f-ed" Knoxville's fellow Jackass Bam Margera, according to his ex-girlfriend. But we can't blame Jessica. The poor dear doesn't have a good role model–the O.G. Daisy Duke, Catherine Bach, once got Sapphic and graphic in a rare '70s movie that's now being re-released by Troma.

Margera's ex, Jennifer Rivell, called Philly's Q102 radio station last Friday morning to discuss the fact that half the cast of Jackass has had the pleasure of sampling her Chicken of the Sea. A brief sampling (or listen to the entire interview here):

Jen [Bamís ex]: He cheated on me with 45-50 girls. Yes, he did f- Jessica Simpson.

DJ: And you know this for a fact?
Jen: I know this for a fact. He woke up in her bed. I have an email. He told me all about it.

DJ: This is going to get out and be a big bombshell for Jessica Simpson and her people.
Jen: She humped PJ too while they were shooting Dukes of Hazzard.

DJ: Who?
Jen: PJ. Johnny Knoxville [PJ is his real name]. She [Jessica] is as dumb as she looks.

DJ: How did you find out about Bam and Jessica? Did he tell you?
Jen: Yes. He told me, ìYou think youíre so f-ing special. I got to f- Jessica Simpson this weekend so I could replace you in a minute.î

In related Daisy Duke news, the ulta-mega-super-rare 1978 film Nicole is being re-released by Troma under the new title Crazed. Although one cannot view what lurks beneath the excruciatingly tight denim prison of a then-eighteen-year-old Catherine Bach's booty shorts, one can indeed check out Daisy's buds as she finds herself in a lesbian clinch with Gigi star Leslie Caron.

See pics of Jessica Simpson partially clothed at MrSkin.com.

And the aforementioned Catherine Bach rack shot . . . at MrSkin.com.