CelebNewsWire» Audrina Patridge Archives – CelebNewsWire

We’re All Punks and We Don’t Care

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:38:48 +0000

Fans of The Hills, this one’s for you! Here are a few pics of Audrina Patridge from the show’s filming yesterday. We didn’t see the dailies, but we hear that this episode focuses on tension between Audrina and Lo, as Lo claims that she saw the Exploited on the “Apocalypse Now” tour with Discharge while Audrina digs up a picture of Lo on a Vespa wearing a Jam button to prove her wrong. After lots of awkward pauses, the two hug and make up and go dumpster some bagels outside of Einstein’s.

Audrina Patridge in Underwear=News

Agent E. — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 15:30:01 +0000

It’s a really slow gossip day, so we’re going to feed the beast and talk about some twazzle from The Hills. We don’t like to do this very often, even though they provide such stunning examples of true idiocy and the general downfall of humanity. But you see, that’s what they want. They think if they say something like, “Who’s this Borock Omama guy? I’ve never heard of him” they’ll get a two-page spread in Star. And they’re usually right. But the problem is, once they realize this, they just start spouting off ridiculous things, like declaring themself king of America, which gets them more press coverage, which makes them say more stupid shit, etc. to infinity. So basically they’ll never, ever go away. Or at least not until they’re old and ugly and replaced by younger, prettier, stupider people. So today, against our better judgment, we will contribute to this madness by offering you pictures of Audrina Patridge in Maxim. Sure, some of them are kind of sexy, but she had to go and ruin that by sticking her paws into a perfectly delicious-looking cake. Buttercream and self-tanner do not make an outstanding flavor combination. Leave the poor dessert alone so that others may enjoy its wonderful cakiness. Thank you.

Reality Star Trek

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 20 May 2009 17:48:56 +0000

Captain Kirk can have any woman he wants. Not just on earth, but in the entire solar system. Green women. Blue women. Klingons. Women with four eyes and eight breasts and vaginas as warm and soft and welcoming as Tribbles. And out of all those billions upon billions of females, he chooses . . . Audrina Patridge? Star reports that the Hills star with the goofy fake cans and ceiling eyes is dating Chris Pine from Star Trek.

Chris Pine is beaming from ear to ear these days. The Star Trek hottie has been hooking up under the radar with Audrina Patridge. The couple was spotted drinking together at the Red Lion Tavern in L.A. the weekend of May 16, but Star can reveal that theyíve been sharing secret dates since April!

No, no, no. Wrong, wrong, wrong. That’s not how it works. Stars of current cinematic summer blockbusters are supposed to start slow by stepping out with attractive but less famous television actresses–your Ginnifer Goodwins and Kristen Bells–then move up to the Biels and Johanssons of the world. They are not supposed to touch Laguna Beach or Hills girls, ever. That’s why God invented Brody Jenner and Cisco Adler.

Charlize Theron Hates The Hills as Much as You Do

Agent E. — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 16:57:05 +0000

Have you ever watched The Hills (in which case, hey man, we've fallen in that trap before too; deepest sympathies) and thought to yourself, "What the hell is going on here? It's just a bunch of skinny bitches crying all the time. Why doesn't anything ever happen on this show?" If so, Charlize Theron knows your pain. She's been there, been confused by that too. An excerpt from her recent interview with MTV:

MTV: Charlize, you and I have discussed "The Hills" a couple times.

Theron: Yes, you belittled me on television. They were like, "Who's the fucking nana on the TV show who's never seen 'The Hills'?!?"

MTV: I never called you a nana.

Theron: Well, the kids now think I'm a nana, thanks to you.

MTV: You have said that you are now up on "The Hills," so I have a question: Do you think Lo is treating Audrina fairly?

Theron: [Long pause, laughs.] So I watched a couple episodes. I was doing a world tour at the time, so I watched them in a couple languages. I realized that this fucking show is huge. Now I'm going to ask you a question: Why?

MTV: Why what?

Theron: Why is it so big? It's about nothing! This is a free country. Freedom of speech! You can tell me right now to my face that "Reindeer Games" was a piece of shit. That's totally fine. But "The Hills" is about nothing. I think the girls are beautiful and when they cry their mascara runs and that's real, but I don't get it! [Pause.] I am a nana. I'll just take it. I am a nana. Maybe I need to watch the shows some more.

Oooh, oooh, we love getting opportunities like this. Charlize, Reindeer Games was a piece of shit. Oh, and Sweet November too. And we didn't see Mighty Joe Young, but we can pretty much guess that was a piece of shit too. But you were really good on Arrested Development. We liked that. And you have shiny hair. And you're really pretty. Will you still be our friend? Please? Sweet November wasn't your fault. Keanu is an acting albatross. No one can get over that weight. Did we mention you're really pretty?

You can see the very, very pretty Charlize Theron nude at MrSkin.com.

CNW Junk Drawer: Jennifer Lost Hertits

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 18:19:56 +0000

ï Dear Jennifer Love Hewitt: You can do side bends or sit-ups. But please don't lose that bust. (Faded Youth)

ï Paris Hilton is getting sued. Again. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Yesterday Jennifer Aniston broke up with John Mayer. Today she's dating Selma Blair's ex. What does tomorow bring? (Female First)

ï Mr. Skin takes to the mean streets of Chicago to uncover Hollywood's greatest ass. (MrSkin.com)

ï Let's play Kim Kardashian Ass Detective! It's funner than Cootie! (Cityrag.com)

ï Peaches Geldof and some indie rocker dude had a quickie wedding in Las Vegas. On their registry: deep V shirts, pocohontas headbands, and cocaine. (CelebWarship)

ï Angelina Jolie is Tom Cruise's understudy. (Hollywire)

ï Audrina Patridge in a bikini. We recently noted that her last name actually ISN'T "Partridge" and our minds were blown. (Fatback)

ï Hey look. It's Marilyn Manson. Or maybe that's Cher. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

Audrina Patridge To Bare Her Hills in Into the Blue 2?

Agent E. — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 17:59:36 +0000

When we think "serious thespians Paul Walker and Jessica Alba in Into the Blue," obviously we also think "sequel!" But in the grand tradition of taking a mildly successful film, not coughing up enough cash to get its stars to return, and instead packing it with boobies (i.e., Poison Ivy 2 and Cruel Intentions 2), Into the Blue 2 will make sure it has a couple of bouncing buoys to grab your attention. Egotastic brings us the poop from a somewhat dubious source:

I can't find the original article, so I'm not 100% sure on this one, but according to National Ledger (ever the bastion of journalistic integrity), Star magazine is reporting that we will see Audrina Patridge topless in her new movie Into the Blue 2. The report also indicates that we will soon see pictures of Audrina nude on the set, but I think that's a stretch.

"Audrina will keep the buzz of her cleavage going this summer with more nude pictures from the set of a film she is working on. According to a report from Star magazine, Audrina will be taking it all off again in the film. The scandal from March has not dissuaded the 23-year-old from stripping it off and the magazine is reporting that is what she will be doing during the filming Into The Blue 2.

"Star Magazine is reporting that it has learned Audrina will have a topless scene in the movie (where she plays Kelsey and stars along side Laura Vandervoort). 'The script calls for a moment where Audrina takes off her bathing-suit top for two seconds,' a source tells the magazine. 'Still, she's a little nervous, because she wants to be seen as a serious actress.'"

A serious actress, huh? We think we'll believe that one right around the time we start believing Heidi Montag really wants more privacy.

Audrina gets sexy at MrSkin.com.

But if you can't wait to spy her sacks in the sequel, check out Jessica Alba in a super hot bikini in the original.