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Asia Argento Grows Weary of Sharing Billing with Gonads

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 17:55:54 +0000

Hauling out one's privates on film over and over again loses its charm, like everything else. You can only have an audience full of people chewing on Sour Patch Kids take in the vision of you shaving your pits naked and getting pounded from the rear so many times, after all. Feral Italian actress Asia Argento believes that when it comes to playing naked ladies in compromising positions in the flickers, she's all done. According to Nudography:

"There's a limit," Argento says in a smoky voice on the phone from her home in Rome. "And luckily I'm getting more dignified and old as time goes on. My rebellious years have come to a halt. And I'm sick of having to justify myself for work that I do. It mixes the person that you are and the persona of what you are on the screen.

"The last thing I want is to be pigeonholed into doing the same role for the rest of my life, like Bela Lugosi did," adds Argento. "I don't want to end up sleeping in the coffin like him."

Wise, very wise. But what's the sexy lady equivalent of Bela Lugosi growing old and sleeping in a coffin? Ah. Being Mamie Van Doren.

Asia Argento is naked. And how! At MrSkin.com.

Hollywood's Hottest Honkers

Agent E. — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 17:55:58 +0000

What better way to celebrate National Breast Cancer Awareness Month than by talking about how awesome and bouncy and soft boobs are? We really can't think of a better way. And since you douchebags love lists almost as much as you love titties, Film Threat put together a little historical countdown, complete with a cleavage-fest via YouTube clips. So here they are, in somewhat chronological order, the best bazooms in moviedom:

Mae West
Jane Russell
Marilyn Monroe
Dorothy Dandridge
Jayne Mansfield
Sophia Loren
Elizabeth Taylor
Brigitte Bardot
Ursula Andress
Honor Blackman
Raquel Welch
Chesty Morgan
Tura Satana
Uschi Digard
Pam Grier
Jennifer Connelly
Monica Bellucci
Rosario Dawson
Scarlett Johansson
Eva Green
Jennifer Tilly
Asia Argento
Thandie Newton
Helen Mirren
Jessica Rabbit

Seriously? Jessica fucking Rabbit? Is that the best you could do, Film Threat? Did you think to yourselves, "Man, we've exhausted all the luscious lung pillows in Hollywood. There is not one set of sweater kittens left worth ogling. Guess we better talk about some cartoon casabas"? Did Lindsay Lohan's meaty Mean Girls-era mounds not make the list due to the creepy teenage factor? Did you disregard Elizabeth Hurley because she seems like a bit of a shrew? Did Jessica Simpson get cut because you've never actually been able to watch her on film for longer than three minutes? Was there really not one single set of Hollywood hooters that you found more appealing than Jessica Rabbit's paper-and-ink pom poms?

Not content reading about those famous boobers? You're in luck, because most of these ladies have shown off their spongecakes, and you can see them at MrSkin.com.

Toronto International Film Festival 2007 Features Young People Fucking

Agent E. — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 17:55:39 +0000

For a couple of years now, we've been hounding the powers that be at the Toronto International Film Festival to add a subtitle to their festival's name. We've sent letters, personalized cupcakes, talking parrots, whatever we could think of. But to no avail. They will not even consider changing the name to the Toronto International Film Festival: We Give You Famous Naked Titties. They may be old fuddy-duddies resistant to change and progress, but they can't argue that that's a pretty accurate description. After the cut, Cate Blanchett, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Mena Suvari, and many more.

We reported a few months ago that Elizabeth: The Golden Age should probably change it's title to Elizabeth: The Naked Queen due to the inclusion of Cate Blanchett's fabulous royal boobies. Well, we were wrong. That'll teach us to listen to neighborhood squirrels who give us movie reviews. There are no Cate casabas in the Elizabeth sequel, but there is Cate can. So can it, you complainers.

Quite the opposite of Cate is Jennifer Jason Leigh, who, with eighteen nude movie appearances under her belt, is usually a sure thing for flesh on film. And her boobs show up for number nineteen, Margot at the Wedding. She stars opposite Nicole Kidman, who's also a nudity vet. Nic turns up for a masturbation scene in which her bush may possibly–if you lighten the film and freeze frame and use binoculars and 3-D glasses and X-ray vision and a protractor–be slightly visible. If you're a completist that work may well be worth it, but for the rest of us a repeat viewing of Billy Bathgate will suffice. Although we are quite curious to know if she dies her pubes the same hideous straw color as her hair.

It's about time for a '90s revival to replace the neon legwarmers and ironic Journey t-shirts so popular with the kids, so we'll start with a return to Mena Suvari nudes. She hasn't shown nip since American Beauty, so we're happy to see her return to her youthful ways in Stuck–and she added some A to her T. Now if only Thora Birch would follow Mena's career-resurrecting lead.

And now for the best movie title you will ever hear: Young People Fucking. So direct. So honest. So real. And get this: It actually shows young people fucking. OK, OK, pretending to fuck. And those young people include Wedding Crashers star Diora Baird, who offers up nipples; Popular star Carly Pope throwing in some boobs; Punch hardbody Sonja Bennett giving some boobs and butt; and newcomer Natalie Lisinska showing breasts. Fucking awesome!

Also screened in Toronto were Disengagement, starring Juliette Binoche's full-frontal nudity; two films featuring our old friends, Asia Argento's breasts, The Last Mistress and The Mother of Tears–The Last Mistress even throws in some ass and fur so we don't get bored; and Ang Lee's ode to hardcore sex, Lust, Caution, which has already received an NC-17 rating, thanks in part to Wei Tang's three B's. Ang Lee: Exploring the taboos of sex since Jake and Heath climbed that mountain.

CNW Junk Drawer: "This Needs Love Too"

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 20 Sep 2006 17:26:23 +0000

ï Janet Jackson says that her sex life was great when she was fat, and that her Ewok lover Jermaine Dupri would "grab me, pull me around the stomach, look me in the eyes and say, 'This needs love too!'" And then he'd gently insert his penis into her stomach folds.

ï Britney Spears reportedly had a tummy tuck following the birth of SPFsquared. Slowly inching closer and closer to Tara Reid territory (Taratory?).

ï Little Aaron Carter is engaged! To a Playboy Playmate! Presumeably, his pneumatic bride-to-be has seen AARON CARTER SHIRTLESS.

ï Safely ogle Kelly Brook in her underwear from the comfort of your own home, free from fear of retaliation at the hands of your friend Billy Zane.

ï Lindsay Lohan is looking to move to England, most likely because the English are the only people who can drink her under the table.

ï Jackass Steve-O tells us, in great detail, about the time he masturbated onto Nicole Richie's back. And then her semi-exposed spinal column recognized the protein content of the expelled liquid and, revolted at the idea of nourishment, quickly whipped the offending substance away from Richie's person.

ï Courtney Love and Whitney Houston: not only are they recovering substance abusers, they both have names that end in -tney! BFFs!

ï Paris takes advantage of Lindsay Lohan's absence; flirts with Harry Morton. When the exposed pussy lips are away, the skank will play.

ï Asia Argento turns 31 today, and celebrates by picking G-string bikini bottoms out of her anus. Mazel tov!

BREAKING NUDES: Toronto Film Fest 2006

Agent E. — Tue, 12 Sep 2006 17:59:07 +0000

It's that time again, kids. Not quite as glitzy as Sundance (and with far fewer gift bags being horded by your Tara Reids and your Pam Andersons) but not quite as respected or, well, foreign as Cannes, it's The Toronto Film Festival. And what it lacks in celebrity swag seekers and high-profile filmic attendees it makes up for with boobs. Lots and lots of boobs. So sit back and let us tell you a little story about the brave actresses who went north of our border to show off what's north of their borders.

The fest is still in full swing and the reports are still tumbling in, but for now we'll bring you the breast of the breast, the cum of the crop. The stand-out festival star thus far seems to be Aussie Nudecomer Abbie Cornish. She previously doffed her duds in only one film, Somersault, but she really turned it out for this year's fest with two nude performances catching our flies. She warmed up with a look at her bum in A Good Year (and what a good year it's been for Abbie!), which also features a sliver of cheekage from frisky Frenchie Marion Cotillard. Up next for Abbie is the junkie opus Candy, with a veritable assault of boobs as she and boyfriend Heath Ledger search out their next fix. And screen time that isn't dominated by Abbie's breasts is filled with Abbie in her swimsuit or underwear. Nice junk, junkie!
Ever since we saw Ziyi Zhang flying through the air in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon we've had one desire: to see Ziyi Zhang flying naked through the air. That one will have to remain a fantasy, but The Banquet at least gives us a better visual image, as Ziyi's rump is spied in two scenes. It may prove to be the work of a body double, but that body double has to look at least a little like Ziyi, right?
And speaking of body doubles, when we heard that Rachel Bilson would be employing one for The Last Kiss, we were understandably angered. But to find out that Rachel's body double can't even be seen naked? That's taking skinginess to a whole new level, and we do not approve. Fortunately director Tony Goldwyn had experience helming The L Word and knows what really matters: naked girls! He threw in some bare breasts from Patricia Stasiak and Lisa Mackey and some boobs and butt from Cindy Sampson. All are relative newcomers and first-time flashers, but we hope they keep it (and us) up.
Nudity from Asia Argento is never shocking. At this point it's more shocking when she shows up in a movie like Land of the Dead and doesn't let her undead boobs out of her shirt. That being said, Asia's newest offering, Transylvania falls somewhere in the middle. She has some nice underwear scenes and does offer up a smidge of nudity, but it's only because she's breastfeeding her baby and the thing moves away from her nipple long enough for the camera to catch a glimpse. That's one helpful baby.
The non-nude offerings at Toronto include Natalie Portman not getting naked–again!–in Paris, je t'aime, though she does appear in underwear and a swimsuit, Brittany Murphy spending god damn near all of Love and Other Disasters in her underwear, and Kate Winslet lying naked on a bed and managing to cover up all the best parts in All the King's Men. But if your tastes skew more toward the perverse and you wish to see orgies, lesbian sex, honest-to-god penetration, and a man shooting his load into his own mouth, then Shortbus is just your kind of movie. None of the players are famous–yet–but we have a feeling that Sook-Yin Lee, with her rampant bared three B's and her near-constant movie masturbation, might be the next Bai Ling, only with way more nudity.

All of the ladies mentioned above can be found at MrSkin.com. Why don't you start with Asia Argento and work your way through the alphabet?

CineVegas Celebrity Nudity (Un)Wrap-Up

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 17:58:43 +0000

What happens in Vegas is supposed to stay there, but the Skin Snitches at MrSkin.com have spilled the beans on all the gals who show beans in upcoming flicks. And we know this will come as something of a surprise to most of you, but Asia Argento will be appearing nude soon. Sssshhh, sssshhhh. We know. It's scary when something new and unexpected happens. Hold our hand, and read on.

Sin City! The lights! The sounds! The alcohol poisoning! And more nekkid broads than you can shake a stick at! Upcoming cinematic masterpieces include:

The Outsider: A documentary with nudity? Now we've seen everything. This is a behind-the-scenes look of the making of 2004's When Will I Be Loved, which was about . . . basically, it was about Neve Campbell being super duper naked. And guess what? In this doc, you see more shots of Neve nude. However, if you don't want to slog through a boring documentary, you can just head over to MrSkin.com and check out the naked Neve in question . . . In Turning Green, Swingers babe Katherine Kendall appears in a maid's uniform, in lingerie, and totally topless. It's the story of a young boy trying to immigrate to America from Ireland in the late '70s. How touching. Touching? Touching butt? Don't mind if I do! . . . Last Days is an Asia Argento joint, which means there will be bushels of gratuitious skinnage for all to gaze upon in wonder. The story is based of the last days of Kurt Cobain's life, and we never thought heroin addiction and suicide would lead to a foxy dame showing her bare ass, but if anyone can pull it off, it's Miss Argento.

And, of course, see more of Asia Argento at MrSkin.com.

Oh, and Neve Campbell, too.

And Katherine Kendall, yes.

SXSW Nudity (Un)Wrap-Up

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 23 Mar 2005 17:35:41 +0000

South By Southwest is over. The boozy vom has been mopped up, the hotels of Austin have been vacated, and the music industry office drones have ceased "going wild", put their genitals away, and returned to their cold, cold cubicles. But the magic lives on in the form of the many delightful indie films that were screened at the fest, many with special bonus skin included!

We know this is going to come as a shock to you but (deep breath) Asia Argento gets naked in her new film, The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things. We know, we know, you don't need to clutch your heart and stagger. We're a little spooked by this unexpected turn of events as well. But if you're a fan of Asia's ass, it gets top billing here.

Another famous broad who peels off is Jude Law plaything Sienna Miller. In Layer Cake, Miller shows off a side slab of sweater sackage when she changes into some black lingerie. It's a little less than what she served up in Alfie, but are you complaining? If you are, you're a hopeless ingrate and we hope you get crabs.

The festival also hosted a cavalcade of newcomer nudity, the most notable being the delicate blonde Abbie Cornish in Somersault. Miss Cornish spends a great deal of the movie with her game hens exposed, though if you're more into the rear, there's plenty of that here. Hey, that rhymed.

And there were even more bits and pieces being exposed at the SXSW Film Festival. Why, you can even read all about it at–you guessed it–MrSkin.Com.