Tag Archives: Ashton Kutcher
A Kutcher Ain't Nothin' But a Manpurse
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher seem to have disappeared off the face of the planet following their September 2005 nuptials. In a new interview with Details, Ashton gives some insights into what exactly it is that he's been up to for the past year. And it seems that what he's been up to is accessorizing. [...]
Demi Moore's Child Bride Earns His Keep
Ashton Kutcher is desperate to inseminate his nanna/wife, Demi Moore. (Because celebrities never want to simply pass on their DNA or have an excuse to buy a Louis Vuitton diaper bag; they're positively desperate for a baby.) He's even abandoning his duties as nerd matchmaker to make it happen. At least he's neglecting Beauty and [...]
Moore Baby Rumors for Demi and Ashton
Just the other day we were wondering what happened to Demi Moore. Is she getting another complete surgical overhaul? Is she busy training Ashton to do her bidding? Is she cutting a Latin-tinged Kabbalah record? After a lot of soul searching, we decided that she must be carefully and gently incubating a baby under the [...]
CNW Junk Drawer: Furniture Polish and Fedoras
ï There's an old man sitting next to me, makin' love to his tonic and Pledge: Billy Joel starts the fire–in his liver!–by swigging some furniture polish, once.
ï Steve "Alan Partridge" Coogan finally admits that his fabled hookup with Courtney Love is actually 80% true. Does that mean she's 80% pregnant?
ï Denise Richards and [...]
Posted in Uncategorized
Also tagged Billy Joel, Carmen Electra, celeb engagements/weddings, celebrity hookups, celebrity nudity, Charlie Sheen, Courtney Love, Demi Moore, Denise Richards, Dennis Rodman, movies, Steve Coogan
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Is Their Whole Relationship One Big, Long Punk Too?
Have we been Punkíd? Are we really that gullible? And, even more frightening, is Ashton Kutcher really smarter than all of us? These are questions for the ages.
Demi and Ashton Try to Regain Relevancy, Get Hitched
Hey, guys, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are no longer living in sin (like you probably are doing at this moment, you dirty, dirty sinners). Yea, theyíre married! Our wait is over! Whoo . . . hoo?
. . . But Where Was George Gaynes?
Granted, we at CelebNewsWire have never actually given birth (not to a human infant, anyway), so maybe we, you know, shouldn't judge, but when we make a mental list of what we'd like in the delivery room with us, Ashton fucking Kutcher would be pretty far down on the invoice.
Posted in Uncategorized
Also tagged celebrity pregnancies, Demi Moore, Soleil Moon Frye
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Refraining from a "Demi Gets Punk'd" Joke Here
According to The Enquirer, poor Demi Moore has had a miscarriage in her fifth month of pregnancy. Our hearts would go out to her, but according to Demi, she was never pregnant to begin with, so we'll continue pointing at her and laughing derisively.
Demi Pregnant?: You Want the Truth? You Can't Handle the Truth!
Seems that despite the fact that his horses bust out of the gate before the race has even begun, Chris "Ashton" Kutcher has knocked up his fossilized concubine, Ms. Demi Moore. But we knew that. And so did you. However, now it's been confirmed by some dude who once saw a pregnant lady, so it's [...]
Demi Wants Moore From Ashton in the Sack
According to Demi Moore, child lover Ashton Kutcher blows his wad too fast. Stars: they're just like Us!