Cougar Emeritus DEMI MOORE’s squealing like a teenybopper because 16-years-younger hubby ASHTON KUTCHER’s generating buzz that’s got Hollywood fast-tracking his sensational new movie project – a romantic comedy that teams onetime screen queen Demi with real-life ex BRUCE WILLIS, and chronicles the zany adventures of a divorced couple after she marries (you guessed it!) a sexy stud 16 years her junior!

“It’s a PR bonanza with built-in headlines,” Ashton enthused to Bruce, who loves the idea and desperately needs career CPR since his new flick “Surrogates” went on life-support – not to mention a DOA mess titled “Assassination of a High School President,” co-starring MISCHA BARTON, that fast-tracked straight to video!

Writers are pounding out the script as we go to press, and insiders say studio moguls are sniffing that sweet smell of success for the floundering box office mega-stars – especially with certified boy-genius Kutcher aboard. (Folks, I second that emotion!)

We find this premise more than a little creepy. It’s not the whole basing-fiction-on-real-life angle. Nope. It’s that this story gives us the distinct impression that Ashton-Demi-Bruce-Bruce’s-invisible-lady-wife land is filled with many, many orgies. These people are just way too close to not be humping each other in every configuration imaginable.

Ashton Kutcher has reportedly irritated movie executives by taking photos on a film-set.

Kutcher told Fox News: “I got in trouble twice today man! I’ve got a camera and I post stuff on the internet with my camera just like any other Joe posts on the internet with his camera. I went on a studio lot today with a camera and they were like ‘You can’t shoot here’. I was like, ‘What are you talking about? I’m just shooting!’”

Oh, that loveable scamp and his trusty lens! Scampering onto movie shoots and sneaking some shots, just as easily as he whips out that all-seeing eye to capture some flirty hotties much to the chagrin of their balding john. What hair-brained pickle will The Kutch get himself into next with the help of his 7 times zoom accessory? BUY A NIKON! BUY A NIKON!

We’re like Ashton. We’re into product placement. Here, sign up for our RSS feed.

Robert Pattinson is as creepy as his fictional blood-lusting counterpart; sends Kristen Stewart 400 texts a month. (Celebitchy)

• Ashley Olsen in her underwear. Hey, don’t look at us. You were the one with the Olsen Twins Countdown to Legality calendar on your computer for years, nerd. (Cityrag)

• Getting down to the wire here! Mr Skin’s Top 100 Celebrity Nude Scenes: numbers 20 through 11. (Mr Skin)

• Cindy Crawford in a bikini. You liked it in 1992, and you’ll like it just as much in 2009. She must be drinking out of Brangelina’s sex grotto. (The Blemish)

• Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore almost crashed on a plane; live to Twitter again. (Anything Hollywood)

• Tiger Woods cut the cheese!!! (Gone Hollywood)

• Jessica Simpson enjoys a quaff or twelve at her hairdo dude’s birthday party. (Amy Grindhouse)

• 5 Movies John Hughes will be remembered fer. (Jezebel)

• Milla Jovovich collects knives. How Angelina 1998. (Daily Stab)

watching my wife steam my suit while wearing a bikini. I love God!
9:43 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

I'm not wearing the bikini she is that's what makes it so glorious
9:46 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

shhh don't tell wifey http://twitpic.com/2bj58
10:11 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

Don't tell this very famous woman whose ass I am photographing and posting on the internet that I'm photographing her ass and posting it on the internet? Sure, Ashton, we won't tell a soul.

DemiÖ and Ashton are believed to be going through a private adoption agency and hope to be parents by the summer. Itís a well-deserved triumph for the couple who suffered through failed attempts at in vitro fertilizationÖ.

ìBoth Ashton and Demi finally came to terms with the reality that (childbirth) is just not going to happen for them,î an insider told The Enquirer. ìThey had always resisted adoption because they wanted a baby of their own, but now everything has changed. They feel this is the best thing that could happen because they are able to give a child a great, loving start in life.î

And speaking of great, loving starts, here’s a video rant from the daddy-to-be that was posted on YouTube, featuring Ashton crying into his foie gras and Cristal and bags of money because a neighbor is doing work on a house at the usual time work begins for normal humans. It’s going to be awesome when the future baby, hungry and confused and sitting in a full diaper, begins to cry, only to have his new father call him a dillweed for interrupting his beauty sleep.

With the recent brouhaha surrounding Scientology and its followers, Kaballahís golden couple Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore have fallen off the radar. Sources close to the couple say the timing is good, because the coupleís relationship with the religion has been called into question as of late.

ìAshton and Demi used to have an impeccable attendance record,î says one source with close ties to the Kabballah Centre in L.A. Another source close to the couple says itís been ìmonthsî since the two attended services or participated in the Shabbat dinner after Friday services. Adding fuel to the fire is the fact that Kutcher was just last week spotted shopping on Robertson Blvd. without his trademark red string.

Whatís to blame for the coupleís flagging attendance?

Definitely not Mooreís kids, because theyíve never been active. ìItís something that Bruce Willis never allowed,î says the source with ties to the Centre. Others say that Kutcher was ìtired of being dragged there on Friday nights.î Whatever the case, the sudden change in routine strikes those who know the couple, who were married in a Kabbalah ceremony, as worrisome. ìItís just odd,î says the source with ties to the Centre, ìsomething must be up.î

At first we thought that Ashton's objection to sacrificing a precious weekend evening must be the cause of the couple's lost faith, but then we thought a little deeper and realized that the timing of this religion dumping is awfully peculiar. So here's our theory: Ashton, taking a break from choosing the perfect highlight color to coordinate with Demi's jewelry collection, was perusing the internet last week and happened upon an intriguing video of fellow actor Tom Cruise. After nine minutes of insight, Ashton proclaimed, "This man really speaks to me. He is so wise. He can teach us much about KSW. We must join him."

According to Maxim Radio's The Manertainment Report, Ashton Kutcher's cell phone, which just happens to contain over 30 pictures of Demi Moore nude, is being held for ransom by a French taxi driver. Apparently, Ashton forgot his phone in the cab while on vacation in April, and now the driver wants $1 Million, or he will sell the pictures, of both Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore naked, to the paparazzi. And if that wasn't bad enough (or good enough, depending on your point of view), the phone also contains a whole bunch of celebrity phone numbers.

What are the chances that when Ashton goes to meet up with Frenchy with a wad of cash Dax Shepard will jump out from behind a bush and yell, "Booyah! You got Punk'd, biyatch!" or some such jaggy phrase? We're thinking pretty high.


Why wait for some Frenchman to pony up nudie pics? You can see Demi all sorts of naked at MrSkin.com.

Ashton Kutcher is getting fed up with Demi Mooreís demands and complaints about everything from his light social drinking to his sexy young costars, a source tells Star. A friend reveals, ìDemi seems very controlling. She likes to tell Ashton what to do, too ñ stand here, meet this person, do that. She wears the pants in that relationship.î According to a source Ashton desperately wants a baby, and has to deal with the possibility that Demi will likely never bear his baby.

On March 24, tension was brewing between the couple at a ritzy event at a producer friendís home in Bel-Air. When Ashton accepted a glass of champagne, after Demi refused the offer, ìDemi shot Ashton a look that said ëIím not drinking, so you shouldnít either. Ashton gave her a defiant look that appeared to say he didnít care, and he took a sip.î

Demi doesnít want him to do anything unhealthy because of their difficulty in trying to have a baby together.

The baby issue is a major sore point for the couple, a source adds, ìDemi probably feels horrible about letting Ashton down, and her way of handling the situation is to take out her frustrations out on him.î

Middle-aged Demi may fear that her sex appeal may no longer be potent enough to hold his interest, ìshe doesnít want him to do movies with beautiful young costars who might snatch him away!î

ìThe bottom line is Demi and Ashton love each other. But itís tough going right now!î

Perhaps they need a little help. Not from a licensed professional, but from someone who's been there. Like Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson. How do they deal with the bumps in the road that a May-December romance can bring? James Cameron-helmed chokesex, the key to any loving and stable relationship.

Mama Demi will nag you nakedly at MrSkin.com.

"If or when Demi is pregnant- she and her husband will decide if that extremely private information should be made public. In the meantime, you should assume she is not."

Way to cover all your bases there, rep. Anyway, who are you gonna believe, some two-bit, dyed-in-the-wool, fly-by-night, Johnny-come-lately publicist or Mark McGrath and Dayna Devon? Come on.

Demi will give you a semi at MrSkin.com.