Tag Archives: Ashlee Simpson
CNW Junk Drawer: Slurping Up with the Kardashian
Kim Kardashian suckles the ’sicle. (IDLYITW)
Sofia Vergara nude pics. She used to date Tom Cruise. Hahahaha! That’s funny. (Cityrag)
Johnny Depp offers to help bail Nicolas Cage out of his money trouble. Because he’s Johnny Depp, and he’s a nice person, a good father, an excellent actor, and his breath probably smells like honeysuckle. (Celebitchy)
Harry Pothead [...]
Simpson Wentz Bye-Bye from Melrose
Getting axed from a popular and successful television show’s gotta hurt. But how about getting fired from a cruddy one? That’s like saying, “You’re really bringing down our low production values and bargain basement writing.” So it’s with a heavy heart and silent “har har” that we have to inform you that Ashlee Simpson has [...]
No Flashlee for Ashlee
That picture over there to your left, that’s Ashlee Simpson at the launch party for her new, groundbreaking, sure to cure the world of all ills, like cankles and visible roots, show Melrose Place. Or, to put it another way, that’s Ashlee Simpson before the open bar. Sure, the girl has money (somehow), but she [...]
Jessica Simpson's Life More Pathetic Than We Thought
Poor, poor Jessica Simpson. Recently we were comparing her to Jennifer Aniston, but we think Jessica's situation is more dire. Jen makes millions of dollars a picture; Jessica's sad attempts at cinematic success go straight to video. Sure, they're both desperate enough to date John Mayer, but Jen is routinely linked to her hot male [...]
Fight Over Wentz: Ashlee Simpson Is the Chump Victor
Generally a woman who has birthed a baby in the past year sticks to certain conventions. Wearing loose clothing to conceal the still-lingering baby weight. Carrying an overstuffed diaper bag filled with baby wipes and little baggies of Cheerios. Drinking shitloads of caffeine to ward off crushing exhaustion. But not Ashlee Simpson. Nope, when she [...]
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Also tagged celebrity catfights, Michelle Trachtenberg, Pete Wentz
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Bowery Balloo Wentz in the Works?
God, it was gross enough when Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz reproduced the first time, does it have to happen again? We can't face more combined doucheskillet genes and embarrassing baby names. But PopCrunch says these two made another baby, with a mysterious source telling Star that Ashlee is just a few weeks along and [...]
Ashlee Simpson Likes Parties, Not Poopy
Poor little Ashlee Simpson. All she does all day is clean up poop, then clean up some more poop. But little Ashlee doesn't wanna clean up poop. Little Ashlee wanna party. Little Ashlee wanna get shitfaced and make out with strangers in dark corners of clubs like all of her friends. Poor little Ashlee. Says [...]
CNW Junk Drawer: Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes Dash of Her Board
ï Diamond Dash is neither the game that came preloaded on your cell phone nor the new baby of mogul Damon Dash. It's what Paris Hilton just paid $280,000 to have installed in her pink Bentley. It's the economy, sluthead! (The Blemish)
ï Holly Madison will be replacing an injured Jewel on Dancing [...]
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Also tagged books, Brian Austin Green, celebrity hookups, celebrity offspring, Holly Madison, James Franco, Jewel, Kanye West, Megan Fox, Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton, television
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Ashlee Simpson Is a Freak in the Sheets
Sure, Ashlee Simpson and stubby penis-like Fall Out Boy Pete Wentz made a baby, so they've obviously had sexual intercourse, but we have a hard time picturing their coitus. We assume it involves putting on matching mud packs and painting each other's nails, reading Teen Vogue and then updating their MySpace profiles. But sex is [...]