Hilton showed off the Marilyn Monroe portraits that hang over her four-poster bed and shocked with candid poster-sized photos of the heiress naked, hugging a toy cat and sitting in a Hummer (vehicle) with her pet Chihuahua Tinkerbell poking out between her legs.

She chuckled, "That's me in a Hummer with Tinkerbell, in the buff."

Paris Hilton in a Hummer with Tinkerbell, in the buff. God. Now that's art.

The 'Toxic' singer has finally got back in shape following the birth of her second son, Jayden James, and is so proud of her figure she wants it "immortalised" in a painting.

A source told Britain's More magazine: "Britney's been getting in better and better shape since she split with Kevin and wants her body immortalised in a portrait.

"She loves the film 'Titanic', especially the scene where Kate Winslet's character Rose gets painted in the nude. She wants it tastefully done, though, and is looking for the right artist to do it."

We know Britney doesn't command quite the amount of boner attention that she did a few years back, but we're still betting that a few of you, after reading this story, will be searching out berets and easels and palettes and trying to get your name listed under "Nude Portrait Artists" in the Malibu Yellow Pages.

And for those of you who are more interested in Britney's downfall than her downbelow, we've got a tale of possible booze redemption via MSNBC:

The ìOops, I Did It Againî singer reportedly checked into an exclusive spa ìfor some R&Rî ó and some are wondering if a third ìRî ó rehab ó is in store.

At a New Yearís Eve party, Spears passed out according to some reports, disputed by her rep, who insists that she just nodded off.

Spears quietly checked into Sanctuary, a spa in Arizona, on New Yearís Day, according to Life & Style weekly.

ìWith these celebrities, ëexhaustioní sometimes means something else and a little rest at a spa sometimes actually translates into something a little more serious,î says a source.

Spearsí rep couldnít be reached for comment, but L&S reports that the singerís parents are urging their daughter to go into therapy.

ìItís just been heartbreaking for her parents to watch Britney on this downward spiral,î an ìinsiderî told the mag. ìItís so sad.î

Thanks a lot, "insider." We were about to say something snide and cutting and utterly hilarious about Britney, her boozing, and possibly (no, definitely) her vagina, but then you had to make us feel sorry for her, bringing up her despaired and desperate parents and pointing out how sad the whole situation is. Way to ruin our joke, "insider."

Britney and her hot bod can be found at MrSkin.com.

"(Jolie and Aniston) are horrified by the work and will go to any lengths to prevent it from being exhibited. That includes teaming up against Daniel. But Brad doesnít seem to be bothered by the threesome portrayal at all."

Hm, the two most popular actresses in America. Bitter enemies banding together to fight a man depicting the two of them engaged in sexual activity. The man caught between them bemused, unconcerned, possibly titillated. This sounds suspiciously like the wishful thinking of, oh, every heterosexual male ever. Or a cable thriller called Night Possession.

Angelina sans bronze, and clothes, at MrSkin.com

Ms. Aniston's also there, also naked.

And MaleStars.com has allll your Brad needs covered. Or uncovered.

I've shot a lot of guys – I want to shoot some girls. Mariah Carey is like the only woman I've shot. I want to shoot some women. Halle Berry would be cool. And Lindsay Lohan . . . I'd like to shoot the Pirelli calendar. Wouldn't that be awesome? Hot!

Could he be any more vile? Probably not unless he was sporting a trucker hat with a wide-open beaver shot on it. Oh, wait, we underestimated him. The New York Daily News paints a picture of his resemblance to a sewage drain:

A young blond woman in tight jeans interrupted to ask: "Can you be requested to take pictures? Do you do nude shots?"
The gum-chomping Ratner brushed her off, then confided: "I'd like to take nude pictures of girls. Not her, though."
Which didn't stop him from checking her out as she sauntered away. Ratner admitted: "I'm overpaid as a photographer, I've got to say. Way overpaid."

We're sure he continued by explaining that, though the lady might be sufficient for a little slap and tickle in the backseat of his Bentley, she just wasn't up to the caliber of his art. And then he said, "What has two thumbs and likes bangin' pussy? This guy!"

Halle, naked as the day is long, at MrSkin.com.

And Lindsay's not naked, but she sure is hot, also at MrSkin.com.

Brit seemed like she was taking a night off from her diet as she sampled spare ribs, crispy tuna, pork rolls, lobster tempura and Chilean sea bass, among other Asian delicacies, reports The News' Jeffrey Slonim.
And our spy says she was sipping a Cosmo.

We're still not convinced. Long live Lurlene Crystal-Jo! Really, we're just hoping that this disturbing Britney birthing sculpture can be made into a series.
And what has Kevin been up to while his wife has been incubating the phantom embryo? Trying to glue his nasty old braids onto a chemo-baldened head. Kevin cut off his (surely immaculate) hair and donated it to an organization that makes wigs for children with cancer. A source told The Daily Star:

"He supports the cause and hopes it will help promote his new album."

We've got a better way for Kevin to promote his new album: Cut off his penis and donate it to a clinic specializing in population control. Or to Star Jones. She could probably use it. Kiss a dick, indeed, Kevin. He loves his kids, motherfuckers. He loves his wife too.

As always, Britney is at MrSkin.com.