CelebNewsWire» Arnold Schwarzenegger Archives – CelebNewsWire

CNW Junk Drawer: Winona Gets Itchy Sticky Trigger Finger, Plus: Diddy Diddy Diddy!

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 16 Aug 2005 17:31:19 +0000

ï Arnold Schwarzenegger just can't seem to keep his hands off the dames, and now one of his extramarital playmates is claiming that she was paid off by the Enquirer. Listen, if you were married to Skeletor, wouldn't you be blindly grabbing any ripe flesh that happened to pass by?

ï Kate Moss's mom has a loving nickname for her daughter's paramour Pete Doherty: Crackhead. Fitting since . . . well, since he just got arrested in Oslo for posession of heroin and crack.

ï Winona! Where ya been, girlfriend? Oh, and where'd you get that cute belt? How much did it cos–oh.

ï Paula Abdul to return to Idol and thanks her "fans around the world" for their support. Wait, she means these ones, right?

ï Puffy Sean John Diddy P. Combs Daddy is now just "Diddy". He says the new name is "more rock n' roll" and we agree. Just saying "Diddy diddy diddy!" makes us feel like we're in Mott the Hoople!

ï Marcia Cross is frigid.

ï Britney sez: screw the homeless, screw poverty, and triple screw AIDS; I'm putting my cash towards more red string thingies for toddlers!

Schwarzenegger to Children: "No Wire Hangers"

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 12 Apr 2005 17:18:33 +0000

Governor/Kindergarten cop Arnold Schwarzenegger may just have snatched away the coveted title of "Hollywood's Crappiest Dad" from John Travolta. No small feat, since, in addition to encouraging them to keep crack addict hours, Travolta raises his children to believe they're overtaken by body thetans; i.e. E.T.s.

The Terminator star seems to have some sort of boner for laundry. Clean laundry. And if his four young children, incubated by Kennedy cousin Maria Shriver, do not keep up with the washing and the folding, there is hell to pay. Shriver says that if Arno finds a pair of errant gym shorts or what have you lying about, there are consequences–the kids will be grounded, or perhaps something more insidious. "He's strict about laundry," she says. "He goes around taking the kids' clothes that they leave out. He throws things in the fire or hides things. They don't ever get them back." Throws things in the fire? Did she seriously say "throws things in the fire"? Even Joan Crawford allowed Christina a stray sock or two–we'd hate to see what Arnold is capable of if branded "box office poison".

Arnie Feels Bad for Feeling Ladies

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 30 Nov 2004 17:07:33 +0000

Another reason to rejoice and give thanks this holiday season! Millions of women across California and beyond can now safely leave their homes without fear of being groped by governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Hey, everyone, rehabilitation really works! Arnold Schwarzenegger now says sexual harassment lessons have cured him of inappropriate behavior towards women. While running for office, the musclebound Austrian star was hit with sixteen claims of groping, fondling, and otherwise being overly handsy.

Although he denied the claims in the past, the Terminator admitted there was "no smoke without fire" and has taken anti-harassment lessons.

"I learned my lesson," he stated in Vanity Fair. ". . . I know now what can be said and what can't be said. Now I would not even tell someone I like their outfit. It could go south." South? Like . . . vaginal south?