Tag Archives: announcements

CelebNewsWire's holiday plans:
1. Decide to get in the spirit by making eggnog. Look up recipe. Realize we have no eggs, cream, or nutmeg. Say fuck it and start swigging rum.
2. Haul a big ass jar of pennies to Dollar Tree to do our Christmas shopping. There's a set of dishtowels with tabby-cat appliquÈs with Mom's [...]

CNW will be on hiatus until Monday, when we'll be blogging from a large Tupperware container of dark meat, rubbing our lower half in gelatinized refrigerated gravy. In the meantime, there are several things you can to do tide yourself over.
1. Visit any or all of our buddies over there in our blogroll. Over [...]

Hey, we're on "The Twitters" now. You know, that e-thing that the kids like. Follow us! Follow us like we're Jim Jones!

Bust out the finger paints and have some Nilla wafers and orange drink–CelebNewsWire turns four today! It's been a turbulent year–the time we had to go to the ER after shoving a marble up our nose, having Yeeeah.com push us down in a mud puddle outside of the nursery school, thus ruining our new white [...]

It's time to celebrate the birth of the baby Jesus, which we will do by downing a couple of batches of heavily spiked egg nog and creating a detailed PowerPoint presentation illustrating exactly why we want to punch each family member in the face. The celebration will end with a festive bonfire of used wrapping [...]

Just letting you know that we won't be around for the next two days. Why? Eh, no reason. We just kinda don't like you much. See you Monday, suckers!

A landmark event in CNW history! We now have comments enabled, just like the big boy blogs! Mommy wow, etc. So go ahead and discuss stories. Go to town. Enjoy yourselves. Let us know how you feel. Make new friends! But keep in mind: we are watching. We have terrible, terrible senses of humor, easily [...]

We at CelebNewsWire are committed to excellence, but even award-winning journalists like ourselves need a damn break once in a while. So after today, we'll be headed to a fat farm in Goshen, Indiana (damn those KFC Famous Bowls) for some much-needed R&R, but we'll be back on December 28th. In the meantime, please visit [...]