ï Jenny McCarthy and Botox, sitting in a tree. (IMDb)

ï On again/off again couple Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are off again. Until the engagement rumors start, oh, in 5 hours or so. (The Blemish)

ï Katy Perry sexy in Esquire magazine. She's got big chugs and we like it. (Yeeeah!)

ï Chris Brown will not be receiving a Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Award, despite him being a terrific role model for children, what with the girlfriend beating and all. (Anything Hollywood)

ï It's rumored that 3 of the Kardashian sisters will get nude in Playboy. Best have a tri-fold cover to house all dat azz. (Faded Youth)

ï Anne Heche gave birth to her second son yesterday. His name is Atlas. Who gave Celestia a copy of 1001 Names for Your Newborn? (Celebitchy)

ï According to the folks at Dancing with the Stars, Denise Richards is a harridan on par with Faye Dunaway mixed with Joan Crawford mixed with Helen Lawson. (Pop on the Pop)

ï Aw. Poor James Franco. Little guy's all tuckered out. Shhh. (CelebWarship)

Anne Heche's divorce has been finalised.

The actress and Coley Laffoon – who were married for five years – reached a financial settlement last June, but have taken another nine months to agree on custody of their son Homer, seven, and the splitting of their assets.

According to Los Angeles Superior Court documents Heche must pay Laffoon a $515,000 lump sum payment. He will also get half of their assets, including $700,000 worth of stocks.

They will equally share custody of their son and Heche has been ordered to pay Laffoon $3,500 a month in child support. In return, Laffoon has agreed not to claim spousal support.

Heche will also keep her mansion in Vancouver, Canada.

The 39-year-old actress – who is expecting her first child with actor James Tupper – filed for divorce in February 2007, citing irreconcilable differences.

She later claimed her husband was addicted to strip clubs and porn.

Laffoon fired back in court papers, saying her "credibility should also be called into question as a result of her mental instability, which was highly publicised in her 2001 autobiography entitled 'Call Me Crazy' ".

Wait, being able to communicate with God and having access to alien spaceships and your own secret language make you a bad parent? Because those all sound pretty awesome to us. Anne and little Homer Laffoon can have all the fun in the world, flying off to distant planets and meeting other species and communicating in a language that only they can understand. Fun! But then if little Homer Laffoon acts out Anne always has the threat of being able to directly tell God what he did. That's definitely more motivation to listen to what Mommy says than a stupid time out.

Anne Heche and her beau, actor James Tupper, are expecting their first child together, her rep tells Usmagazine.com exclusively.

"They are thrilled," her rep tells Us.

The two first met in 2006 on the set of their short-lived ABC drama Men In Trees while Heche was still wed to husband Coley Laffoon.

"In that friendship, we kind of discovered we saw the world in a somewhat similar way," Tupper, who was also married at the time, told the Vancouver Sun last year. "I think we both made decisions that were based on the relationships we were in."

Shortly after Heche announced her split from Laffoon (with whom she has a 6-year-old son, Homer), the two stepped out publicly.

"I wish people could meet her in person," Tupper told the Sun of Heche, with whom he shares a home in Vancouver. "She has such a sparkle and such a love for people, and she works so hard. She is so dedicated to all the good things."

Heche told Extra last year that she was relieved that they can finally be open about their relationship.

"We're so much more comfortable now that our feelings are exposed and everybody knows about them," said Heche, who will be appearing with Tupper on an upcoming episode of Samantha Who? this season.

Asked whether she'll expand her family, Heche said, "Gotta leave it open, ya know what I'm saying?"

Anne's going to have a hard time topping Homer Lafoon in the celebrity-baby-name department, but she's got some good raw material with the last name Tupper. May we suggest Guppy Tupper? It's really more of a feminine name, obviously, but we think it might work for a boy as well. Think about it, Anne.


See Anne Heche nude at MrSkin.com.

Anne Heche got a break from the judge in her custody war today after appearing in court, claiming she doesn't have a pot to pee in … even less than her deader-beat ex-husband.
An L.A. County Superior Court judge has suspended Heche's obligation to pay child support for July. Heche has been forking over $14,798 in monthly support.

In her declaration, Heche noted that her TV show, "Men In Trees," had gotten the ax. She says since January, "I have been unemployed and had no income….except for one very short term contract for a movie role for which I received a total of $65,000."

Heche says she has a grand total of $34,840.93 in her accounts. She claims she can't continue paying for Homer's private school tuition, her Canadian mortgage, L.A. rent, auto and other expenses. She says she's $364,000 in the hole.

BTW, Anne was spotted at the Malibu Beach Inn over the weekend. She blew $30 on appetizers, not including tip.

Oh my God, what a bitch. We can't believe Anne would spend $30 on appetizers–appetizers!–when her ex-husband Coley Laffoon (hehe) doesn't have enough child support left over from months and months of $14,798 checks to buy poor little Homer any Louis Vuitton socks for summer camp. He is going to get teased so badly. But mostly because his name's Homer Laffoon and his mom is a former lesbian with a secret alien identity begat by God. Kids don't give a shit what kind of socks you wear.


Find Anne Heche naked and loving the ladies at MrSkin.com.

ï No phrase sends quivers of ecstasy up the male spine wiener quite like "Kelly Brook bikini photoshoot". (Hollywood Tuna)

ï Paris is suffering from ADD and claustrophobia. BFD, our cousin Cheyenne is suffering from impetigo and chronic fatigue and she's still in jail. (The Blemish)

ï An improvement on that boring Sopranos finale. (Cityrag)

ï Justin Timberlake was traumatized filming Black Snake Moan sex scenes with Christina Ricci. "The sex scene was pretty hot," he said. "Iím not going to say it doesnít feel weird pretending to fuck someone in front of a man with a sound boom, though.î That would be weird indeed, and very unlike our usual practice of fucking a man from the front with his sound boom.(Derek Hail)

ï Like a white trash phoenix covered in bong resin rising from a pile of busted lawnmowers, Federspears: the Union might be resurrected. (Hollywood Backwash)

ï Anne Heche and Celestia lose custody of her child. Apparently, when it comes to parenting, playing video games and watching porn is still preferable to having a second personality who is the child of God and speaks in an unnameable tongue. Who knew? (A Socialite's Life)

Anne Heche's soon-to-be-ex-hubby claims that he's worried the actress isn't psychologically capable of caring for their son, and says she refuses to see a shrink!

In court papers filed earlier this month in Los Angeles County Superior Court, Coley Laffoon is asking a judge for joint custody of the couple's 5-year-old son Homer, but claims that Anne's "bizarre and delusional behavior" and "poor parenting skills" could be a problem. In the papers, Laffoon claims that Anne once didn't put Homer in a car seat, she often cusses in front of the child, and packed school lunches that Homer "did not like." Laffoon added that his prior experience as a nanny and a summer camp counselor justify giving him joint custody.

Laffoon is also asking for $33,000 a month in spousal support, even though he claims he only made $6,000 a year as a videographer, before the two were married. According to the documents, Heche makes $81,000 an episode for her role in "Men In Trees."

We're going to resist the urge to make fun of poor little Homer Laffoon's name, even if it does sound like it belongs to a pre-Mickey Mouse cartoon character, because he's already got a lot going against him. For one thing, understanding Mommy's secret language must be pretty taxing on a five-year-old's brain. Plus, his dad's a loser. Anne's rep responded to the charges:

It is disappointing that Coley Laffoon has resorted to filing lies with the court because Anne would not cave in to his astronomical monetary demands, including his demand for $45,000 a month in support. For the past several years, the child's father has refused to get a job in order to contribute financially to the child's care.

We would suggest that Coley take a meeting with Bobby Brown to discuss their similar situations, but we're guessing that Bobby would probably just laugh through the whole thing after saying, "Cussing in front of a kid? Hell, that's nothing. My wife smoked cracked while cooking Bobbi Kris's breakfast." Also, if they tried to meet for coffee or lunch, they'd waste a lot of time begging for nickels outside first.

Remember when Anne was a naked lesbian? MrSkin.com does.

You can see a few eye-scaldingly high-res shots here, and here, including one of Elle MacPherson on the crapper. That's right! Even supermodels have large intestines, and they use them! If any food actually makes it all the way down there, anyway.

Although you should probably buy the book and help out charity, you can still see Paris Hilton nude at MrSkin.com.

You can also see Elle MacPherson in the buff at MrSkin.com.

You're on a roll; why stop now? Anne Heche naked at MrSkin.com.

You might as well take a gander at Kate Moss in the buff at MrSkin.com too.