CelebNewsWire» Ali Lohan Archives – CelebNewsWire

Lohans Who Club Together Stay Together

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 17:47:04 +0000

In case her Mother of the Year crown was about to be snatched away by Octomom or Joan Crawford in her grave, Lindsay Lohan's umber-faced progenitor Dina Lohan upped her game recently when she tried to take her underage daughter Aliana out clubbing. Have we learned nothing from Jaid Barrymore? MSNBC reports:

When a 46-year-old mom wants to take her daughters out for a special night, a Hollywood nightclub might seem a curious choice. Not so for Dina Lohan, who took Lindsay, 22, and Ali, 15, to Villa on March 25, Us Weekly reports.

ìDo you know who I am?î Dina protested when they were turned away at the door because of Aliís age.

ìYouíre making a huge mistake. Huge!î Lindsay added.

We're sure that Villa is kicking themselves for avoiding having a swarm of photographers take photos of a barely post-pubescent child walking into its late night doors. Oh, the regret. The woe. The heartbreak.

CNW Junk Drawer: Slip n' Slide

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 18:00:10 +0000

ï Marisa Miller works the runway wearing the latest in swimwear and silicone/polymer based body oil. (F-listed)

ï Ali Lohan auditions for the director of Bun Sisters 12. (Yeeeah!)

ï Rihanna is easy, breezy, beautiful, unCovered Girl. In a see-through shirt. That shows nipple ring. (The Blemish)

ï Madonna is one step away from having Waylon Flowers's hand up her ass. (Cityrag)

ï A touching, moving photo montage of Kristen Bell in her pantaloons. (Holy Taco)

ï You can't beat Jessica Simpson! No, seriously. Don't beat her; that's mean. (Daily Stab)

ï Superbad's Emma Stone is supercute. (Fatback)

ï Amanda Bynes is Nickelodeyummy in butt-stranglingly tight workout gear. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï John Mayer will be the godfather of the SimpsWentz spawn. He will teach it to land hot chicks and make the most heinous guitar faces ever. (Allie Is Wired)

Ali Lohan Hoping Her Life Turns out as Spectacular as Her Sister's

Agent E. — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 17:45:31 +0000

Kids these days, they have the strangest role models. In our day every young thing wanted to be just like Miss Piggy (she got to eat a lot of ice cream and yell a lot, which every pre-teen girl envies) or maybe Debbie Gibson (Those hats! They were fabulous! That is, until Blossom ruined the whole trend). Good, wholesome role models that a parent could approve of. But now you've got girls wanting to be just like Paris Hilton or Britney Spears, because things like jail and mental illness are so damn glamorous. And poor little Ali Lohan. She can't look up to her mom, because Dina's probably busy with her waxer or her dealer or trying to sell Lindsay's naked baby photos to Playboy or something. So she has to look up to her 21-year-old thrice rehabbed sister. People reports:

For most of her life, Ali Lohan has looked up to her older sister Lindsay Lohan because of her career, the fans, the fame. Now Ali wants all of those things for her herself.

ìI grew up watching Lindsay," Ali tells Teen Vogue in its April issue. "It made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you … it's so cool when people look up to you. I've already been asked for my autograph and it's just a really good feeling to have."

The 14-year-old has her sights set on Hollywood, paving her way toward a singing and acting career and may even try her hand at fashion designing, saying she wants to accomplish these things "really bad, so bad. So bad you don't even know."

Ali will soon get some face time on the small screen. The younger Lohan has been filming a new reality series for E!, which documents her fledgling acting career (the magazine reports she may audition for High School Musical 3) and upcoming album. The show will also feature her mother, Dina, and 11-year-old brother, Dakota.

"It's not all that fake stuff," says Ali. "It's just what we do in our everyday life."

If Ali really wants to follow in Lindsay's footsteps, she better start fast, as today's world doesn't wait for things like mental maturity and legal age. We suggest she start a feud with Vanessa Hudgens over Zac Efron post haste. Then she should start dating a creepy TV actor (maybe that scarf-wearing douche from Gossip Girl) a la Wilmer Valderwhatsisname. If she really gets her shit together and focuses on the task at hand she could be flashing her probably-non-firecrotch by September and celebrating Christmas at Cirque Lodge. (And, yes, we realize that we just hit upon a level of creepy that hasn't been touched since the whole Dakota-Fanning-rape-scene thing, but we're just hypothesizing on Ali's likely trajectory here, not making a wish list.)

Third Time's a Charm

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 17:55:30 +0000

Ever since bikini-wearer and erstwhile Herbie star Lindsay Lohan had her unfortunate second DUI/car chase/coke possession incident, she's been MIA. Some sources say she's been in a "medical facility", some say she's been hiding at her family's home on Long Island, some say she's been in rehab. Now, according to reports, she's checked into the Cirque Lodge rehab in Sundance, Utah. Illustrious alumni of their program include Mary-Kate Olsen and David Hasselhoff, who, as we all know, has done a great job staying off the sauce lately. IDLYITW reports:

According to sources within the facility, the 21-year-old star arrived this weekend to begin the intense rehabilitation program that is expected to last a minimum of 30 days. The center treats men and women over the age of 18. According to the Cirque Lodge Web site, upon check-in, a thorough mental and physical examination is completed. The Lodge was named by Town & Country magazine to be one of the country's top rehabs. For a price tag of $30,000 and up, the rehab offers privacy — with rooms for 16 residents at a time. Rooms boast spectacular views, Jacuzzi tubs and private fireplaces.

Well hell. Now we know why Pete Doherty has been unable to kick crack and heroin: no mountain views or hot tub.

And like a mythical hydra of yore or perhaps a particularly hard-partying starfish, if you cut off the head of Lindsay Lohan, another will just spring back up to take its place. And now that the tabloid queen is out of commission, little sis Ali has dyed her hair to match Lindsay's, venturing out to strike her sister's signature pose for the paparazzi:

Consider yourself Single White Femaled, Lindsay. Calum Best better watch out, lest he gets a post-BJ stiletto in the eye.

Lohan be hoin' it up at MrSkin.com.