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CNW Junk Drawer: Party! Pizza Party!

We just wanted an excuse to post this Madonna picture. Thank you.
Dennis Hopper is in the hospital. Decades of drug abuse, and it’s a case of the sniffles that brings him down? (Daily Stab)
A gallery of Mariah Carey’s nipples. Better than the Guggenheim. (Cityrag)
Spencer Pratt considers cutting off his nuts. Please? (Allie Is Wired)
Serena Williams. [...]

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Mischa Barton Is Still in the Bin

Last Wednesday, shiny-haired, sloe-eyed Mischa Barton was taken away on a 5150 hold after taking too many goofballs at her Los Angeles home. The law states that she could be held against her will for up to 72 hours, but here we are, Monday, and she's not going anywhere. A "friend" sang like a stoolie [...]

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CNW Junk Drawer: Two in the Pinkett, One in the Stinkett

Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith claim that they porked in the car on the way to the Oscars. Billy Bob/Angelina Jolie wannabes, all. (The Blemish)
Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson lesbian parody porno. 1 Night in Lilo? (Drunken Stepfather)
Crank THAT, Soulja Boy. Is that a Mr. Microphone in his drawers? Faker. (Yeeeah!)
The actual video of [...]

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Michael Jackson Dead at 50

WORST UPDATE: Michael Jackson has died, says TMZ. Hopefully he's dancing around the pearly gates with Farrah. RIP, man.
Michael suffered a cardiac arrest earlier this afternoon at his Holmby Hills home and paramedics were unable to revive him. We're told when paramedics arrived Jackson had no pulse and they never got a pulse back.
A source [...]

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Will.i.am gives Perez Some Lumps, Some Lumps Some Lumps Some Lumps

When you see the headline "Blogger Attacked By Member of Black Eyed Peas", you may assume that your good pals at CNW got pissed upon by Fergie. Good guess, but wrong. As much as it pains us to write a story about fame-ravenous bloat-bag Perez Hilton, this is too goofy to ignore. Dude claims that [...]

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I Got Dumped By the "Unskinny Bop" Dude and All I Got Was This Lousy Exhaustion

Rock of Love loser Daisy de la Hoya appeared to not have much going for her aside from possibly being Oscar de la Hoya's niece and looking like a XXX fan art manga drawing of Janice from the Muppets. In spite of these handicaps, VH1 still gave her her own show, Daisy of Love, and [...]

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Amy Winehouse Won't Let Hospitalization Slow Down Her Busy Drinking Schedule

We've got an Amy Winehouse story for you today. And it involves at least two of the following elements (all favorites in the Wino gossip arsenal): drugs, booze, hospitalization, public nudity, weeping sores. Go ahead and make your guesses, then dive into this short tale from The Sun:
EVEN going to hospital doesnít slow down AMY [...]

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CNW Junk Drawer: Humpotron

Justin Timberlake dry humps Jessica Biel on the Jumbotron. Way to rub it in, dickface. (The Blemish)
Gavin Rossdale allegedly had a 5 year affair with a dude. Everything Gwen, everything Gwen? I don’t think so. (Yeeeah!)
Bonebag Lindsay Lohan goes on Ellen to discuss the finer points of chowing box. (Hollywood Grind)
Helen Mirren [...]

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Not So Goody News

This weekend, the lovely and talented Natasha Richardson was laid to rest in upstate New York. Stupid Jesus, taking the best and brightest of the acting world. Not only that, but taking the best and brightest of the racially insensitive UK reality show contestant world too! Reviled/beloved Big Brother star Jade Goody succumbed to cervical [...]

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Natasha Richardson in Critical Condition after Skiing Accident

We know that you probably think that we at CelebNewsWire are cold, uncaring, unfeeling jagoffs who just like to make fun of people. And, true, we do take great pleasure in ragging on Paris Hilton's wonky eye and ass goiter, and if we saw Denise Richards fall down a well, we'd probably laugh for about [...]

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