NSFW Pics after the cut.

A giant Calvin Klein billboard starring a sweaty and nearly naked Eva Mendes is stopping traffic in New York City. In the ad, the ‘Hitch’ actress is wearing a sheer bra and tugging at an equally slippery male model’s briefs.

“As much as I love advertising, it’s gonna cause an accident. It’s just right over the top,” [said a resident].

Oh, right over the top, you say? Like, for example, a nipple over the top of one’s shirt? Such a thing is a joy. Such a thing is after the cut.

This happened last night in New York at a screening of Bad Lieutenant. So if an observer thinks a photograph of Eva in her underwear will cause an accident, entire civilizations probably collapsed after Eva’s nipple honked out of her top. Just look back at history. Pompeiians didn’t get killed because of a volcano. Some dame’s hooter flew out of her toga and they all drowned in their own goof juice and that is a fact.

Giorgio Armani has tapped Megan Fox to feature in the new Emporio Armani Underwear and Armani Jeans campaigns. The new Armani images featuring Fox will start running worldwide in January.

Fox was shot by Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott in Los Angeles over the weekend. While details of the shoot and the images could not be learned, the actress will appear in print ads as well as on billboards. It has not been decided whether Fox will participate at in-store events tied in with the campaign launch.

In-store events. You know what that means? That means you can go to department stores and have Megan Fox sign your briefs. You can look at her and talk to her and smell her. Just lean over and take a big whiff. Flutter your hands in front of your face and close your eyes in ecstasy like Hannibal Lecter. Girls are really turned on by that!

I am a huge fan of Forever 21 and Iím very happy they have expanded their line to include a plus-size range, but I am not in that size category and this article makes it sound like I am! I am a curvy girl and I love my curves, but curvy and plus-sized are two very different things. I work really hard to maintain my curves while staying slim and healthy, so to be classed as a ìfuller-figured womanî of extra large proportions is a little offensive.

For the record, I am a size 2, not 2XL.

Thanks for clearing that up, Kim. We're sure all the plus-sized girls who fit the new line you're so happy exists are grateful for your offense. You might as well just make gagging sounds while you say that, and then wipe the fatty cooties onto Nicole Richie, squealing and crossing your fingers to innoculate yourself from the virulent strain of imaginary invasive lipids.

And "curvy" is actually the celeb media's way of saying "Blubberpotamus".

Scarlett is the first celebrity spokesperson for the champagne house. Moetís president FrÈdÈric Cumenal said in a speech at the party last week ìScarlett Johansson was the obvious choice as our ambassador because she, like Moet, has a magical story to tell and makes people dream. She is a true icon of celebration – refreshingly spontaneous, generous, glamorous and she lives life to the fullest both on-screen and off.î

Lives life to the fullest indeed. Who knew that unsanitarily screwing Benicio del Toro in an elevator shaft could lead to a multi-million dollar advertising gig? Or, in our personal case, that screwing Pete Doherty in a Hardee's walk-in freezer could lead to multi-millions of genital sores.

Lindsay Lohan was abandoned by girlfriend Samantha Ronson in Las Vegas. The 'Mean Girls' actress had planned to surprise her DJ lover with a romantic night in a hotel after she finished her set at Prive nightclub but was enraged when Samantha left the club without her.

She reportedly screamed: "I can't believe that fucking bitch left me!"

After driving from their home in Los Angeles earlier that evening, Samantha had planned to go to the club alone and was believed to be furious when Lindsay showed up at 1am.

A source said: "The two started to argue and hide in the DJ booth. While she was in the booth, Lindsay ducked down, popped up a few seconds later, and began dancing wildly."

Following her set, 31-year-old Samantha left the club at 3am and got into her Porsche. She drove alone as 22-year-old Lindsay looked on from the roadside. Evidently outraged, Lindsay jumped into her black Mercedes and sped off in the direction of her girlfriend's vehicle.

A photographer said: "I'm sure the girls drove back to Los Angeles. Lindsay definitely appeared to be messed up on something, that's for sure. I've covered Lindsay for years and this is almost the worst I've ever seen her, it looks like her life is spinning out of control."

In less completely depressing news, Lindsay's line of leggings proved to be so popular that she's come out with a new product that will coat your legs in a neon color. Tan in a can! Her line of spray tan, Sevin Nyne, launches soon, and Lilo told People:
ìAs much as I love the sun, it is so bad for your skin. I have tried every product on the market and never found something that I loved. It was important to me to have a natural product that didnít have a lot of dyes and chemicals. Our product has goji berry extract which has antioxidant properties, it has a natural golden color, it doesnít streak and smells delicious ó not like a typical tanning product.î
Because if there's one person destined to be the face of a healthy sun-kissed glow, it's an anorexic freckled redheaded night dweller.

ï Alex Rodriguez is mad because Madonna's stepping out publicly with some other dude! Even though he claims he and Madge are just bros! Only Madge is saying that the new guy is just a trick to divert the media from her real romance with the Rod! Maybe they'll french! OMG! (TMZ)

ï Pam Anderson has been named the face of Vivienne Westwood's new ad campaign. And lord, we will all be in paign. (Yeeeah!)

ï Scarlett Johansson has new Cher hair (Chair?). (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Lily Allen wears a slutty sailor girl outfit with an E-Z access crotch hatch. (CelebWarship)

ï Former Britney Spears leech Sam Lutfi wants money. Lots and lots of money. He wants the pie in the sky. (The Blemish)