CelebNewsWire» Adriana Lima Archives – CelebNewsWire

CNW Junk Drawer: Goose Egg

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:00:55 +0000

Rihanna has a big lump on her head. So she either went back to Chris “Doo Doo” Brown or she’s growing horns. The latter is more believable. (Gone Hollywood)
Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima gives birth to baby girl; is probably not a virgin anymore. (PopEater)
Victoria’s Secret model Shannan Click naked. Totally, truly, NSFW naked naked. It’s pretty funny that a model has the last name “Click”. That would be like a dentist named Dr. Bzzzzzrrrrt or CelebNewsWire’s last name being a fart sound. (Yeeeah!)
Beyonce upskirt, but she’s got underwear on so don’t get too jazzed or nuthin. (Cityrag)
New Moon star Noot Seear nude. Which makes you a Nood Seer. Haw! (Nudography)
Ashley Tisdale wears a bikini. Also, I got a splinter yesterday. It hurt! (CelebSlam)
Lily Allen has a secret half sister! Dun dun DUN! (Anything Hollywood)
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CNW Junk Drawer: Cannes You Dig It

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 21 May 2009 18:19:38 +0000

Brad’s all, “C’mon, Angelina, we have to get to Cannes” and she’s all, “Hold up, Brad, I gotta show the paps a little more of where Shilohs come from.” (Yeeeah!)
Maria Bello. Topless. Tied to a bed. Believe it. (Nudography)
And speaking of Maria Bello, did you know that she was from the greater Philadelphia area? Isn’t that fascinating? Yeah! And it just so happens that Mr Skin has a Top 10 Sexiest Babes from Philly list out now! (Mr Skin)
Adriana Lima’s nipples in a gilded cage of a bra. (Drunken Stepfather)
Rihanna’s got a brand new, hopefully much less punchy, beau. (Amy Grindhouse)
Lady Gaga learns a sobering lesson. Bleached hair and skimpy white clothing with lots of jewelry makes folks think you’re a Russian prostitute. (Faded Youth)
Cameron Diaz has strict “if it’s yellow, let it mellow” rules. (Daily Stab)
Britney Spears in a bikini on the beach. No, you can go look. It’s nice! Seriously. Hey, hey. Look at us. Look. It’s okay. It’s okay. Really. Shhhh. (The Blemish)
Is Lindsay Lohan getting her poon chewn by Sam again? (Holy Moly)
Hayden Panettiere’s tattoo is spelled wrong. LOLOLOLOLOL. LOLOLOL forever. (Flisted)

Adriana Lima the World's Sexiest Virgin No More

Agent E. — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 17:43:31 +0000

All you pervos fantasizing about sticking it into a virgin can go back to watching Hannah Montana reruns now, because the world's most famous intact hymen, Adriana Lima, got hitched. So presumably she then had sex. Unless she married Gary Coleman, but that's about as likely as her marrying you. Says People:

An engagement ring on her birthday and a secret marriage on Valentine's Day ñ who knew jocks could be so romantic!

Adriana Lima, a Brazilian supermodel and a Victoria's Secret Angel, eloped with NBA star Marko Jaric on Feb. 14 in Jackson Hole, Wyo., in a small, private civil ceremony, PEOPLE confirms exclusively.

"We are so excited about our future together," says Lima. "And we are really looking forward to a big romantic wedding this summer with all of our friends and family."

The pair, who want their next wedding celebration in Brazil or Jaric's native Serbia, met in 2006 and were engaged last June on Lima's 27th birthday.

"I was not the person to fall in love easily," Jaric, 29, who plays for the Minnesota Timberwolves, told PEOPLE last March. "I am a difficult person from that standpoint. Now, it's a little different situation."

Nuts. Now you'll never get to poke your pork in a virgin supermodel. And you were so close, dude!

CNW Junk Drawer: Victoria's Secret: Pores Exist

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:05:50 +0000

ï Marisa Miller and other Victoria's Secret models at an underwear fitting. Look ma, no airbrushing. (The Blemish)

ï Angelina Jolie says she's "still just a punk kid with tattoos". She went on to say, "Seriously, I saw Youth of Today four times and I own the Infest Slave LP on colored vinyl." (Fatback)

ï Adriana Lima's juggtacular bra commercials! (Cityrag)

ï Star says Jennifer Aniston is pregnant with twins. We say Star is pregnant with twin turds; i.e. full of shit. (Celebitchy)

ï Britney Spears is on the cover of Cosmo. So you can ogle her weave while reading about the 10 tantric orgasm tips that will drive his nads wild. (Bitten and Bound)

ï AnnaLynne McCord has 4 capital letters in her name. She also has a lesbian kiss. See video! (Drunken Stepfather)

ï LIndsay Lohan gets dumped in favor of Denise Richards. Ow, that's gotta smart. (Yeeeah!)

ï Amy Wino's rodent-like spouse has been released from prison. It's going to be a very cracky Christmas. (Hollywood Gossip)

ï Heidi Klum takes those old records off the shelf. And those shirts off her shelf. (Seriously OMG WTF)

Adriana Lima Excited to Wed; Fiance Excited to Finally "Tap Dat"

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:45:45 +0000

The novelty of a fleshy South American supermodel frequently seen in her underwear yet untouched by human dongs is about to become a thing of the past–Victoria's Secret star and virgin Adriana Lima is about to have her cherry busted. She and her boyfriend of nine months, a half-McDreamy-half-Keanu hybrid called Marko Jaric, are engaged. People mag reports:

"He asked and she said yes. They are both incredibly happy and couldn't be more in love," says publicist James Weir.

Jaric is a Minnesota Timberwolf, which apparently is some sort of professional basketball player and not an actual Timberwolf. Which is probably a good thing, since virginity loss can sometimes be a bloody occasion and were she to lose her maidenhead to an actual timberwolf, it might devour her.

CNW Junk Drawer: Pregalicious

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:38:22 +0000

ï Her bump. Her bump her bump her bump. Her lovely baby bump. Check it out. (Yeeeah!)

ï Pete Wentz says he one attempted suicide with a bottle of Ativan and some Jeff Buckley. Hell, Pete, if it's uncontrollable vomiting you're after, try listening to your own music. BURN! (Celebitchy)

ï Scary celebrity faces. Poor Busey never gets a damn break. (Cityrag)

ï Adriana Lima beans! The virgin model gets nude for GQ. (Popoholic)

ï Kate Moss and her boyfriend sing and dance on Jim Morrison's grave. Then afterwards they made a slam book and drank a wine cooler and totally stole one of Kate's mom's Virginia Slims and pierced each other's ears with safety pins!!! You guys are sooo busted!!!! (FemaleFirst)

ï Eliot Spitzer's paid lady companion, Ashley Alexandra Dupre, once Went Wild. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Is there a Jennifer Aniston tell-all in the works? We are on the cusp of finally, finally learning how she gets that glass-like hair sheen! (PopCrunch)

ï Gaze upon the spawn of J. Lo! Admire them! Bow! Bow, minions! (Allie Is Wired)

CNW Junk Drawer: "Partying Has Not Come In the Way of Her Parenting"

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 17:19:57 +0000

ï Tricia Helfer will be ponying up some Battlestar Galactitties in Playboy next month.

ï In the biggest horseshit story of the day, Jen Aniston supposedly partied with the K-Fed. We're trying to picture Jennifer in cornrows and man-shants. Not bad.

ï Perhaps the reason Jen is slumming is because she caught wind of Angelina insinuating that she and Brad had boners for each other while the Pittistons were still involved?

ï Eternal Sunshine of the Thetanless Alpha Clear? Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got, I'm just I'm just Jenny from Teegeeack of the Intergalactic Federation?

ï Evel Knievel vs. Kanye West. Sadly, not a sneak peek of a new episode of Celebrity Boxing.

ï Paris is defending Britney's questionable parenting skills, saying, "She goes home every night to her babies and partying has not come in the way of her parenting." Seriously, duh! She goes out and shows her slopbox and does body shots and THEN she goes home at 4 A.M. to play with the babies. No biggie!

ï Adriana Lima and the Case of the Bikinified Virgin.

ï Take your key and unlock Jordan's heart, and her vagina, conveniently located next door to one another.

ï Sylvester Stallotox takes the blame for starting that whole Richard Gere-assgerbil rumor. Guess we know who to point the finger at for that whole "Danny Wood semen stomach pump" thing.

CNW Junk Drawer: Supermodels Having Sex. Or Not.

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 17 May 2006 17:24:41 +0000

ï FemaleFirst reports that Nicole Kidman used "the F-word". Oh, but they meant "fiancÈ!" Awwwww, ha ha ha ha, that was so clever! You really had us going there, FemaleFirst!

ï Debra Wilson from Mad TV shows off her comedic chops. And by "comedic chops" we mean "tits".

ï Barbra Streisand gets on the guest list at your local Loews.

ï Carmen Electra hates herself for lovin' Joan Jett. Can't break free from the things that she . . . doan . . . dett? Eh, we suck.

ï Janice Dickinson: genius of our time.

ï Elle MacPherson loves to have loads and loads of casual sex. Just not with you. You fat loser.

ï Light-filled goddess from heaven Mandy Moore denies cherry-poppage at the hands and wang of Fez. Wouldn't you?

ï Is J. Lo preg. o?

ï Speaking of cherries, The Virgin Adriana Lima is a punchy little firecracker. We got a little something that would chill her right out. Yeeeeah, that's right. A little somethin' in our pants, if you dig what we're saying. It's a packet of chamomile tea and a fizzy bath bomb in our pocket. They're great for de-stressing!

When Irish Guys Are Smiling . . . Jessica Alba Pictures Are the Reason

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 17:59:56 +0000

Wanna see Jessica Alba posing in a men's magazine? Albat you do! Oh ho ho ho ho! Great merciful God in heaven, how did we get to be so incredibly hilarious? CelebNewsWire does it again, people!

So since it's St. Patrick's Day and all, we thought you might want to take some time out from being a douche and intermittently screaming "WOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!" while tottering down the street completely pickled at 8:30 P.M. and look at some pictures. Don't worry–we're not asking that you actually read anything, for the love of Christ–we understand that 8 liters of green Michelob renders the part of your brain that processes language quite useless. So, hey, look! Pretty Jessica Alba in FHM! Pretty pretty lady. Aw. Pet the lady. Looky.

And if those stems don't make your shillelagh do a jig, check out the rest of the pics here.
And you know what? What the hell. We'll throw in some pictures of The Virgin Adriana Lima in GQ as well, right here. Because her last name is Lima. And lima beans are green. Plus, she's a virgin. Nothing more Irish Catholic than that.

Would you like to see even more pics of Jessica? Fantastic! Head over to MrSkin.com.

CNW Junk Drawer: Like a Virgin

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 15 Mar 2006 17:33:30 +0000

ï A slight look at Kelly Hu's Hu-ters.

ï Teri Hatcher and Ryan Seacrest dating? She says she "really enjoys his company". Well, duh. He knows about all the sample sales ahead of time, and he's so fun to enjoy a decadant whipped yogurt (only 140 creamy, dreamy calories!) with, while getting a deep tissue massage!

ï OMG! Victoria's Secret is that Adriana Lima is a total virgin!!!

ï Whoa, here she comes. Watch out, boy, Lindsay Lohan will chew you up.

ï Sorry, ladies! Handsome beef-a-roni hunk Jack Black is officially off the market.

ï Sorry again, ladies! Studly demigod Michael Bolton is also officially off the market. Enjoy that, Nicolette Sheridan.

ï Jessica Alba is officially sexy, we know, but now Scarlett Johansson has been deemed certifiably pretty. Good to know.

ï "Little black book" is just one of the many practical purposes served by Pam Anderson's grotesquely colossal plastic breasts.

ï We mourn the demise of the leg man. If you're one of them, you will probably want to look into Paulina Rubio. Damn, that tomato's got some nice pegs.

ï Paris Hilton prepares to get back to 1985 after harnessing a bolt of lightning hitting the clock tower.