CelebNewsWire» Aaron Carter Archives – CelebNewsWire

Aaron Carter Shirtless Returns, with a Whole Lot of Weed

Agent E. — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 17:39:11 +0000

Over the years here at CelebNewsWire we have collected a few nuggets of truth. For example: Claymates get really, really pissy when you call their idol a wussy little dildo who gets beat up by girls, Lindsay Lohan has pretty great knockers, and there is a select, determined group of individuals somewhere on the planet who wants nothing more out of life than to see AARON CARTER SHIRTLESS. Although it has slipped a bit lower on the list in recent months, there was a time in CNW history when that particular phrase popped up consistently in our top ten searched phrases, higher than Lindsay Lohan nude or Britney Spears upskirt. We've hoped that at some point one of these sad, lonely people looking for pictures of AARON CARTER SHIRTLESS would contact us and let us peer into their fractured psyche, but we've had no such luck. So today when we learned that Aaron had been busted for pot, we decided to bait these searchers, try to make them come out of hiding by posting one of our favorite photos of AARON CARTER SHIRTLESS. And of course he's smoking the weed, so it ties in to the part that is actually news. That's because we are true journalists. Or maybe that was true sadists. It was something that ends in ist. We can never remember.

Abridged CNW Month-End Search Terms: December 2006

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 17:19:58 +0000

As the end of the month draws near, our thoughts turn not to New Year's resolutions or toasting with a flute of Cristal at the stroke of midnight, but instead, to our beloved stats page and the fact that December has brought some shockers along with its gentle, mild, global warming breezes. The top ten search phrases that led people to CelebNewsWire this month:

1. lindsay lohan nude (you can find some of that here and here.)
2. paris hilton no panties (want assflap? Go here.)

3. britney spears up skirt (Good God, where to begin? How about here or here or here?)
4. lindsay lohan panties (here are some Lindsay pantyhose, and some actual panties.)
5. brittany spears pantyless
6. brittany spears crotch shots
7. britney spears upskirt
8. paris hilton upskirt (panties here)
9. celebnewswire.com
10. firecrotch

Despite all the hoo-hah about Britney (or "Brittany")'s freshly-revealed–and freshly-waxed–genitalia, 9 out of 10 CNW readers would still choose the freckled folds of Lindsay Lohan's coochie or Paris's old-hat bits. And in an exciting takeover, the word "Firecrotch" has squeaked into the top 10, elbowing out all forms of the formerly popular "Fergie pee pants".

And as for our beloved but downtrodden "Aaron Carter shirtless"? It's slipped down into position 21. Still a perfectly respectable showing, but not so impressive when you note that it's listed under "Brandon Davis". Sorry, shirtless Aaron Carter. Better luck in 2007.

Paris is totally, utterly nude at MrSkin.com.

Lindsay's there, too.

Britney, too, for sure.

CNW Junk Drawer: "This Needs Love Too"

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 20 Sep 2006 17:26:23 +0000

ï Janet Jackson says that her sex life was great when she was fat, and that her Ewok lover Jermaine Dupri would "grab me, pull me around the stomach, look me in the eyes and say, 'This needs love too!'" And then he'd gently insert his penis into her stomach folds.

ï Britney Spears reportedly had a tummy tuck following the birth of SPFsquared. Slowly inching closer and closer to Tara Reid territory (Taratory?).

ï Little Aaron Carter is engaged! To a Playboy Playmate! Presumeably, his pneumatic bride-to-be has seen AARON CARTER SHIRTLESS.

ï Safely ogle Kelly Brook in her underwear from the comfort of your own home, free from fear of retaliation at the hands of your friend Billy Zane.

ï Lindsay Lohan is looking to move to England, most likely because the English are the only people who can drink her under the table.

ï Jackass Steve-O tells us, in great detail, about the time he masturbated onto Nicole Richie's back. And then her semi-exposed spinal column recognized the protein content of the expelled liquid and, revolted at the idea of nourishment, quickly whipped the offending substance away from Richie's person.

ï Courtney Love and Whitney Houston: not only are they recovering substance abusers, they both have names that end in -tney! BFFs!

ï Paris takes advantage of Lindsay Lohan's absence; flirts with Harry Morton. When the exposed pussy lips are away, the skank will play.

ï Asia Argento turns 31 today, and celebrates by picking G-string bikini bottoms out of her anus. Mazel tov!

Abridged CNW Month-End Search Terms: August 2006

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 01 Sep 2006 17:24:24 +0000

We've got to keep up with the Johnsons and the Smiths and the Egotastics and the Idontlikeyouinthatways, so we're introducing a new feature. At the end of each month, we'll be your bloggy Rick Dees and will count down the top five search phrases (not including "CelebNewsWire" and its variants) people use to get to this site. There aren't a lot of surprises here, aside from the fact that "fergie pee" has finally slipped out of the top ten, and that one person (hi, Dad!) found us by searching for "Jessica Simpson hanging labia".

Without further adieu, let us peel away your peers' shells and expose their innermost longings with the most popular search terms from August!

#5 is ìAngelina Jolie baby showerî. CelebNewsWire does not suffer fools gladly, and fools looking for outdated information never. Hey numbskulls, Angelina Jolie gave birth three months ago! Baby Shiloh is practically eleven in Hollywood years! Plus, Angelinaís arguably the sexiest woman in the world and you are searching for information about her baby shower? What, are you obsessed with ìguess how big the mommyís bellyî games? Do you fetishize freshly gift-wrapped onesies? You are a disappointment to the human race, all 94 of you. However, you can read all about The Golden Childís birth here, sickie.

#4 is ìKendra Wilkinson nakedî And things grow curiouser and curiouser. Kendra Wilkinson makes up one third of Hugh Hefnerís torso-toppling triad of Bunny concubines. When theyíre not busy being octogenarian dong-mittens, they star in a reality show called The Girls Next Door. Weíre not exactly sure how or why this search is directing them to CNW, seeing how the only story weíve written about the lovely Kendra was a few days ago and involved her being on the receiving end of a bottle of water wielded by Eminem. No matter, you can still see Kendra Wilkinson naked here, at MrSkin.com.

#3 is ìAaron Carter shirtlessî Listen, we pride ourselves on being a racy operation here. Need an errant nipple, a cheek sneak, an embarrassing shot of menses-stained drawers? Weíre your guy. But we have to draw the line somewhere, at that somewhere is featuring pictures of the younger siblings of boy banders toking the wiz and missing a top. Nosirree, we have never written about Aaron Carter shirtless. You will never, ever find Aaron Carter shirtless here. Aaron Carter shirtless is something we just donít cotton to. Youíll especially not ever find our shirtless Aaron Carter story here.

#2 is ìnip slipsî. Ah, nip slips! They are the sparkling emerald in our calumny crown jewels, the ripe, dew-laden peach in our gossip horn oí plenty. And his month has handed us nips aplenty. Thrill to the Kate Bosworth nip slip! Be struck dumb in the face of Penelope Cruzís bikini malfunction! Dig the funky fresh sounds of Lindsay Lohan in a revealing sweater dress! Quiver in awe at the feet of Mindy Kalingís (and Bai Lingís) Emmy awards nip flash!

And the #1 search term that brings internet people to CelebNewsWire is ìLindsay Lohan nudeî. That we can help you with, sort of. While it doesnít reach the dizzying heights of her March funbag flash at a car show, Lindsayís aforementioned sweater dress-induced blammo was pretty noteable, as far as inadvertent celebrity nudity goes.
We hope this little exercise has learned you a thing or two. We know that we have taken in the sobering lesson illustrated: in the future, more pictures of Aaron Carter in various stages of semi-nudity.

More of Lohan is to be had by you, at MrSkin.com.

Angelina's there, too. Naked.

Cruise into a naked Cruz here.

Kate Bosworth naked? Yes!

Kendra Wilkinson naked? Also yes!

Aaron Carter: Joker, Smoker, Midnight Toker

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 28 Feb 2005 17:04:21 +0000

Lindsay drinking underage, Britney banging JT when she claimed to be a virgin, and now that sweet, tiny Aaron Carter firing up the bong and taking a trip to Weedyworld? The moral decline of teen stars in this country is appalling! Why, oh why can we not live in a simpler time, a time filled with such smiling, apple-cheeked, wholesome young superstars like the Brat Pack–oh, wait. I mean, Leif Garrett! No, not him either. Ummm, the Coreys? No? Shit. OK then. Carry on, Aaron.

The most recent issue of the good ole National Enquirer includes some newsworthy shots of the pint-sized Bop lust-object sitting shirtless on an older man's lap, puffing on the weed before going all Matthew McConaughey with a hippie dippy jam session. Carter's enstranged mother has told tabloids that her son "likes to get high" despite his recent insistence in People that he's a clean teen.

These photos were auctioned off to the Enquirer courtesy of one of Carter's pals, who says, "I tried to talk to him back [in 2003, when the pictures were taken], but he told me, 'Oh, it's just recreational — I only do it once in a while.'" The friend claims he's not trying to ruin the star's career with the pics; he just wants his buddy to cut out the weed. Thank god Aaron has caring, concerned friends who hawk personal pictures to tabloids in an attempt to save their pal from a dark descent into harrowing marijuana addiction!